CR,
I’m dating a girl who’s read [a seduction book for guys]…
Its complicating things a bit.
She seems to be “grading” me on my seduction skill on a conscious level.
In my opinion if she wants to be seduced then her thinking about and analyzing my behavior it is working against that end. Whenever i do anything slightly unseductive according to her book she seizes on it and penalizes me for it purposefully. To make matters worse sometimes it seems like she’s trying to use some of these techniques on me! The problem with that of course it that the techniques are designed to be used by men on women.
Of course i’ve now read the same book she read to get her “answer key” (your stuff is much more powerful btw) and she hasn’t read your stuff, so I do have a “secret weapon.” my question to you is what else can be done to level the playing field?
Hey “Rob”
What’s up…
That’s a good question…
(Here’s one way)
If your g/f is constantly evaluating your ‘seduction skills’, then in most cases you can’t technically win b/c you’re playing HER game and by her rules…
That’s probably the easiest way to explain it… on a deeper level, what’s happening is she is (will be) perceiving your “actions” colored by her existing perceptions & beliefs….
Basically, you need to be thinking about what you can say that puts YOU in the position of the ‘evaluator’…
Start playfully evaluating HER more… (not to be an asshole, but to “switch” the evalutor position)
Get out of the role of:
- the guy who plays her game
- the guy who tries to impress her
- the guy who REACTS (i.e. to her comments
- etc
That messes things up for the guy on a some level that the woman isn’t fully aware of…
Quality women are drawn to the quality guy who plays by his own rules.
You’ll want to start:
- Giving her “strategic compliments” (but it has to be “real” and done the right way)(as a frame of mind, it’s not about lying or being deceitful [in fact that's what low-valued guys do]… instead it’s about “artfully” expressing yourself…
- Start exposing her to concepts where WOMEN are in roles of the “one who impresses the guy” (because when a woman is behaving like your g/f is, this is the “medicine” that she needs…
…for example, let’s say this was an example:
You could say to her:
“You know I was reading an article about an interesting social experiment. They asked women to rate how effective they were at seducing their partner.
They asked each of the 1000 women, how long would it take to get their male partners to agree to having sex.
…if she decided to take on this “secret contest” (without the guy knowing)… On average the women predicted that it would take 3 minutes at the most, but when they actually DID the experiment, 90% of the women took over 7 hours to FINALLY break the guy down… And over 50% never even got the guy in the bedroom – even though some of these guys had begged her for sex in the past.
The experiment was done by an arrogant scientist who “loosely implied” that women’s brains are “somewhat less efficient” than the male brain. And that’s why women GROSSLY OVERESTIMATE their abilities.
He says most women believed in FAIRY TALES when they were younger. And that most women take on average 2 hours to THINK about what shoes they are going to wear in the morning. So the fact that 90% of women DREAM UP this idea that they are good at seducing men isn’t shocking.
The arrogant scientist guy stated that MOST WOMEN flat out suck at getting a guy turned on even though they don’t realize it…
This is something that I kind of made up, just to make the point. In real life, you want to use verifible information. Along with that you want to know “what type of stories/information” motivates YOUR WOMAN…
Had this story been real, it would be PERFECT for a woman who:
- GETS INTENSELY MOTIVATED by proving that she is just as good as the guys
- GETS INTENSELY MOTIVATED be proving that she is sexy (according the rules that have been recently “primed” in her mind)
(Hopefully this makes sense.)
In order for any guy to see this type of method as being “manipulative” is for him to perceive the woman as being broken, defective or inferior.
Personally I believe in “truly understanding” a woman’s viewpoint – and the way she sees the world. And for any guy who really wants to be effective he MUST step into her world and appreciate the unique way that she gets motivated…
If it takes a “story” like this to get her “excited” about proving that she is “sexy” – then accept that.
Being the guy who looks down on her and judges is “played out”…it’s not in style anymore…
So, this is an example of a strategic conversation that dramatically impacts her viewpoint.
Becoming skilled at getting your woman aroused is not only your responsibility (as a man), it’s easy and fun to do…
….when it’s done right, the affect is not only “super predictable” (and could easily act as a seduction technique all by itself) but the REAL COVERT PURPOSE is to “subtly shift” her closer to evaluating HERSELF (not YOU!!)… this will have greater long benefits…
There’s a difference between a guy who convinces his girlfriend into giving him a Lazy Blow Job one night (have you ever had one of those before. lol) and a guy who ‘subtly empowers’ his girlfriend with the BELIEF that she is ‘The Best Blow-jober on Planet Earth’ because she does something different that he hasn’t figure out yet…
Which guy is going to get MORE and HIGHER QUALITY blow jobs in his relationship?
hhhhhhmmmmmmm…. . this is tough one…
Is it going to be the guy who PRESSURES, ASKS, and BEGS???
OOOORRRRRRRR…. will it be the guy who EMPOWERS her mind for the long-term by getting his giggling-girlfriend:
- HEROINE-ADDICTED to the feeling of: “being the best”
- HEROINE-ADDICTED to the feeling of: “being in an ELITE group”
- HEROINE-ADDICTED to the feeling of: “being mysterious”
- HEROINE-ADDICTED to the feeling of: “being sexually fun”
You get the idea…
Hope that helps….
Warmly
CR James
P.S. If you own a copy of Super Lust Buttons (SuperLustButtons.com)
I would suggest that you re-read it, because in a way, this could be
thought of as “Phase II”
