Too Much Sexual Value???
I just got an email from a guy who is in a weird situation…
He keeps getting “turned down” for adult activities as a result of
(what he believes is) having TOO MUCH Sexual Value???
Is this possible?
In fact, he gives 4 exact quotes from 4 different women
which is how he arrived at this “theory”…
Let me know what you think…
(Maybe you or someone you know have been in this situation before.)
Let me know what you think? (email me at crjames100@gmail)
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Hey CR, Luis here… first of all I would like to say thanks on behalf of all the guys your efforts help to get whatever they want (girlfriend, get laid, etc) and dude, just the fact that you answer most emails with not only like a friend but also with total seriousness, it puts you on another level (compared to other “gurus” out there).
Now with the question at hand. Here’s something that a happened to me last weekend:
For the first time, I went out with a good family friend (the daughter of my mother’s best friend to be specific), after some drinks at a bar I took her back home and as we barely entered and she jumped on me and pretty much dragged me to her bed. To keep it short (and censored), by the time I got inside she pushed me back and pretty much begged me to stop because she said:
- “I know myself and if we continue tonight I’ll fall for you [in love] and you are leaving in a couple of days”
The week before another girl told me at a bar:
- “I dunno what I’m gonna do without you”
BTW, it was just the second time I saw her.
Another friend, already in bed… I was making her cum like crazy when all of a sudden she stopped and ran away.
Another one told me: “You know.. I’ve meet many assholes in my life and you’re totally different. You’re the kind not only for bed, you’re a real man.. one a woman marries”
And another one said: “I’m not enough for you..”
And so on…
I think I have lot of value as a person, but I’m still a regular guy in the process of learning and self improving. Although I try to keep myself fit, I’m no Brad Pitt at all. I don’t have money, neither come from a powerful family or whatever. So this is shocking me lately… My sex life is being troubled by my perceived serious partner/boyfriend/husband potential!
So in a few words…
Am I “too good” for my own good?
Has this happen to anyone else? Any recommendations?
Thanks in advance,
Luis
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Again, let me know what you think (crjames100@gmail or post)
- Does he have too much value?
- Have you (or someone you know) been in that situation before?
- What can he do?
Paris | Reply
How can their be to much sexual vaule?
I’m trying to strengthen mines on a daily basis,
bless him but I know he is Krazy.Hell!!! give
me some then, if that’s the case.And you’ll think I’m a PORNO-STAR.
MY BEST TO YOU AS ALWAYS MR CR-James
(THE PSYCHOLOGICAL LOVER)
crjames | Reply
it would be interesting if that were possible. two guys could wear special helmets and then average each other out…
Les | Reply
Luis is so full of himself that he is totaly full of shit.
I can’t believe that you think his letter is even valid. This is the kind of stuff the “stay at home Saturday night” guys come up and jack off to.
This idiot thinks he is such a cocksman that the girls are terrified of his abilities as a stallion. He needs to get a life and get his ego selfboosting ass out in the real world. She was coming like crazy and suddenly stopped and ran away. Horse shit Luis?
Get a life.
David | Reply
I have had 4 very attractive young women (based on explicit photos) in their 20s and 30s fall in love with me on the Internet. I have even had cyber sex with two of them. One I have invited to come live with me. She is due here next week. Am I that good, too? They are from Africa and Poland. Two are mixed race, the other two are caucasian like me. I am 75.
crjames | Reply
dave, i think that qualifies as being “good”.
Would it be ok if you shared at least one with Paris?
t2 | Reply
As a group whether male or female most of us are attracted to a certain ‘type’. I tend to be attracted to ‘bad’ girls. I suspect you like girls who fall in love easy, eg relationship girls. Change the type of girls you go for, not the energy you use.
Chris | Reply
Dear CR,
He does not have too much value. The women he has been with are not sure how to handle the situation with him. Men become shy around a quality woman in that area of life, and women become shy and nervous around a quality man. The women are not used to having good sexual situations that are enjoyable for them. I have been in that situation before where women are feeling uncertain of the future because they have known me for a short time. He needs to make her feel comfortable, and let her go at her own pace with sex. I would suggest a massage, which touches her everywhere except her forbidden zones because other parts of her body have many nerve endings and sensitive areas. There are many sources of information on that out there. Thank you to 2 Girls Teach Sex, Gabrielle Moore, and others I cannot recall at the moment.
Chris
crjames | Reply
t2… good point about the type of girl
crjames | Reply
@chris…also good point. different women respond differently…
Steve | Reply
I’ve been told all of those same things myself all of my life… word for word. I know the woman who told me, “I was the type of guy a woman marries”, was at a point in her life where she wanted to have fun and not date someone exclusive… she had just been cheated on by her boyfriend and not ready to date seriously. Women always fall in love with me very fast, so I’ve learned to be very picky with the women I choose and only go for the ones that have alot of the qualities I’m looking for. I’m not rich, but I have a good job & know where I’m going… and women find that to be a great quality. I waited for the right one to come along… and come along she did. She is everything I ever wanted in a woman and so much more. I am very much in love and think I am the luckiest man on the planet to have her.
crjames | Reply
i think it is clear that some people when they decide to play the field — male or female — make decisions that are either considerate of the other
person’s feelings or not…
Ira | Reply
Hi There!
O.K. so I’m a little confused – what exactly is the point or the answer or the conclusion we are supposed to arrive at from this? It’s interesting but I fail to see the ultimate point. Maybe it’s just me. I don’t know. But this just left me confused.
Luis | Reply
Hey guys, very good points you’re making here.. and NO, I’m not full of myself… I’m definitely not the “last coke of the desert”, but come on, let’s be honest, with so many mommy’s little kids, pussies or complete ass-holes out there, being perceived as “different” is becoming less of a challenge nowadays.
And yes, the whole pushing back issue really happened. Believe me or not.. that is the least of my concerns.
Bottom line is.. can one become too much of a Man that actually back-fires? (yeah.. I know how cocky this sounds but it’s a true legitimate question)
crjames | Reply
ira… luis has had a few experiences with women and he wants to know if it’s the result of possibly…maybe…having TOO MUCH Sexual Value (Desirability)…
crjames | Reply
i agree luis.. everything is relative…with all of “mommy’s little kids, pussies or complete ass-holes” (as you put it)
.. it’s getting easier for single guys to have success…especially with quality women…
John | Reply
It can and does happen. This happened to me after my real authentic self started to shine through (my career and financial successes didnt help either
) Every girl wanted to wait. It was sooooo frustrating.
I would recommend spending time with a woman or women, who
make you feel that way too. Otherwise you’re going to be waiting around and putting a lot of extra time and energy into something when you only wanted a casual thing from her. You might have to accept the fact you’re a good guy that has a lot to offer.
Don’t waste your time on people you don’t feel that strongly about. It will get old. I promise you.
You’re at a precipice. You can either start showing less of yourself and pursue the casual route (nothing wrong with that) or you can take the gifts and confidence you have and find some real connections.
You are making them already, just make sure you’re putting them to use for you.
Congratulations.
Aj | Reply
I definitely agree with you!! Fantasizing is common for many people …
David | Reply
I don’t think there is such thing as too much sexual value. I think these women either have low self esteem or their responsible side kicked in. I had women whom I found attractive look at me with hungry eyes, but I had to keep things from getting too out of hand because either I was involved with somebody or they were. So though I could have taken advantage of them, I didn’t.
crjames | Reply
@ John, I like that response a lot!
@ David, I agree.
…in reality “too much sv” is relative. and the ‘perception of’ presupposes either a mindset and/or strategy adjustment…
a true sign that you have a lot of SV is when you (while armed w/ a brain-full of strategies) responsibly and unselfishly turn down an attractive woman…
Luigi | Reply
zzzzz… sounds like a nice problem to have, you are doing everything right except “sealing the deal”. You just can’t close. It’s a technical failure because you are getting her interested and not really fully aroused where she can’t think anymore, just act on emotion/impulse. Please go back and review Sensei CR’s material.
john | Reply
Hey Luis
Change hands
Nate | Reply
Luigi nailed my sentiments exactly. It’s a closing problem. I have friends with the same problem. They can attract women like crazy but, when it comes time to really take charge and close, they fire off the “too nice guy/too timid” signal or some other weird vibe that turns women off. Also, women saying very complimentary things doesn’t necessarily equate to Sexual Value. Women can say some extraordinarily sweet things and not find you desirable. Watch the “you’re too good for me” line. Personal experience, that means you’re probably firing off the “too nice guy” vibe.
ruslan | Reply
I believe Luis. The sexual tension is so big because of the perceived gap of sv between him and his women(amplified by the lack of balanced and mature men today)
The sexual tension would be equivalent to a 12 year old guy with raging hormones get told by his sexy school teacher to lift her skirt and have a peek
crjames | Reply
@nate …that’s true (about complimentary things doesn’t necessarily equate to Sexual Value)
Ryan | Reply
I think there are definitely some holes in this story, for instance if the sex was that good would she really leave because of that image if you were close to orgasm and you felt so overwhelmed you had to leave it’s almost impossible to imagine, I think it’s possible to be so manly and have such value that a woman feels overwhelmed around you but also it’s clear from this that there is a slight hint of ego here aswell if not more than anything else. Some of it just seems too cliche to be fully true and seen through an ego tinted frame.
CF | Reply
CR,
He’s imagining things. These women are hot, horny and all over him, and he is letting them get away with offering a “token” resistance, and not giving them what they want.
CF
crjames | Reply
that’s interesting, CF so you’re saying they really want him?
and she should have kept pursuing and he would have got her?
CF | Reply
HE should have addressed the moment, as it transpired, and he might NOT have gotten what he wanted, but he would have had a much better chance than he got by just giving up. I know this one by heart – been there and done that way too many times.
It goes to listening, and not necessarily believing, and then gently, by being manly and present, re-directing.
Like, she says, “Oh, I can’t do this. I can’t believe I feel this way.”
He says, “How do you feel?’
She says, “I want you so badly.”
He, knowing that women have to emotionally black-mail themselves into sex, unless they are fully awake and aware, says, “I want YOU, too.”
She says, “But we can’t.”
He says, “I won’t ever make you do anything you do not want to do, and I want to make love to you,” and kisses her.
Women don’t want to feel like tramps or sluts, and they are ever so keenly aware that men often call them that if they are easy, so they offer resistance, even when they do not want to resist. (And, I got this from the women, sometimes all a woman wants is a good fuck.)
If he is present, feeling her, feeling his own feelings, and appreciating whatever is happening, and yet remaining in integrity with what he wants, and what he believes, he has a much better chance. She can FEEL his inner self.
The day I discovered that women are like tuning forks -they feel what we feel – and that what it means to a woman to feel safe is when the man is owning what he feels and not hiding anything, I almost did a dance. If he is doing what most of us have ben taught since chilkd-hood “Make her comfortable” he is probably hiding his turn-on, and THAT is what makes her feel weird and he is a creep – he’s hiding something.
When I “got” that, suddenly a whole life of experiences with women all made so much simple sense.
Not talking rape, just talking holding your own space, and wanting what you want, and hanging in there.
If you are giving her what she wants – attention, appreciation, desire for her, passion, and allowing her the space to say “No,” she almost CAN’T resist.
Especially, if in your heart, you are the man, the prize, knowing that she wants you.
A faint heart never won fair lady. – William Camden, 1605.
Guys screw up when they are afraid of making her unhappy, and that is what makes her the unhappiest.
They fall in love with Nice Guys but have no passion for them, and they hate jerks because they are not nice, but they are manly and inspire passion. The trick is to be a Good Man, and walk the tightrope between the two extremes. Actually, since the Good Man is simply being himself, it’s easier than it sounds, once you understand it.
Romance 101 – women need to have their emotional roller-coasters going to want sex (not always, but usually) and men just want sex before they can even get to love (not always, but usually).
He has to take her on a ride. YOU, my friend, are the master of THAT. Wish I had your talent for THAT.
Regards,
CF
BERT | Reply
Luis,
If anyone puts down as egotistical, they are just jealous of having a Super SV. The question remains what do you want from these women. Is it Don Juan Tenerio, just numbers or each conquest that have a happy ending. Some men have it and some don’t ie CR James. I personally admire men who have the God given ability to seduce women. I myself was not blessed with that. Thanks to James I have come a long way. Sex was taboo in my house and the many chances just slipped through my hands. I had a women that was none stop sex, any time any place. It really got over the top. There many confused people out there especially when it come to relationships. Luis enjoy it while you can without ruining any lives.
The women have the problems not you. Good Luck.
Tom | Reply
IMHO, CF absolutely nailed it. If you haven’t read it, I recommend David Deida’s book “Way of the Superior Man”. It’ll all make sense. Enjoy the journey!
h | Reply
To me the problem is not of too much SV. The problem is that he is sending and generating the wrong signals.
He needs to adjust his communication. When building attraction he is getting too serious (he’s probably listening too much and showing he cares too much). If he’d keep it light and funny he’ll still get the sex, but the girl won’t attach.
If you’ve got high SV and you get too personal too quickly a girl will start falling in love every time. Keep the SV the same, just keep the signals fun and detached. Tell the girl repeatedly that you think she’ll make a great friend.
JT | Reply
Hi James,
I believe Luis does have a lot of sexual value as well as personal power and “husband value”.
I think what is happening here is that he just wants to get into these women’s pants but these women see him as husband material and their modesty/morality alarm goes off. In this state, the woman can’t bring herself to have wild hot sex with him, even though she is horny for him, because she is too afraid he might think she is a slut or loose after that. She wants him to want her for everything else (her personality, beauty, kindness etc) other than sex, because she can see herself marrying him.
Dominic | Reply
Too much sexual value? No..I quite agree with the last post by JT in that Luis has “husband value”; though I would term it Provider/Beta value…And that it is overriding Luis’s sexual/lover value..so much so that the women are flaking at the last second(talk about Last Second Rejections!)..So either they are generally flakers to begin with and/or Luis needs to cool down on the “too much Husband value”..or another option is to have the women follow thru..which can involve framing it as the woman being great Wife material cause she follows thru on important matters(like sex!
, and/or framing the interaction/sex as in no way undermining his Husband/Provider value..There are other ways too, but there’s my 5 cents of opinion
fudgeman | Reply
CF is totally and completely DEAD FUCKING ON TARGET!!!! what an incredible post! CF, you da man!
Steven W J | Reply
Hi CR James, I like your blog, pity they don’t teach this stuff in school. It would save a lot of heartbreak.
Too Much Sexual Value
I doubt it,I would say he is very beta, probably good looking, has decent prospects and a good job. In other words, he is husband material, and the women are using sex to seduce him for this purpose. I mean, they are giving him a bit and then stopping, so as to addict him to the sex, have him coming back for more so they can seduce him for marriage. They are playing him. If he had a high sexual value, they would want him to give it to them good and proper, not stop half way through!
Steven W J Richards
Live the Life you Love and Love the Life you Live!
crjames | Reply
Good analysis. That’s definitely a realistic possibility, especially when you consider (as you mentioned)
the giving in a bit and then stopping…