The Secret Message…

17 Comment(s)

1. Gail | Reply

   I just read the beginning of the letter AND I AM LAUGHING SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOO HHHHHAAAAAAARRRRDDDDDD !!!!!!!!! WAY TO GO, GIRL !!!!!!!!!!!!!; just like Rachel Alexendra — MEN HATE IT WHEN WE WOMEN BEAT THEM AT THEIR OWN GAMES !!!!!!! (I originally started to read SSP/etc. to protect myself against the mental senanagans of men in the wake of one such man{?}, remember, CR?) Payback stinks, doesn’t it !!!!!!!!!! Now i will go read your response, CR, and get back with you.

2. Instructor CR James | Reply

   Hey Gail

   I figured you’d enjoy hearing about the poor guy getting tortured. LOL.

   She really had him squirming…

3. Jeff Stache | Reply

   Great advice. Regardless what the game is, when a girl is playing these dominance games (trying to suck you into reacting to her frame) it’s important to realize that it IS a game, and not to take it too seriously.

   The thing about people who know a little bit about something is that they start to see it everywhere. That’s where she’s at. It gives her the justification to judge (in her mind), and judging puts her in control, rather than being at the effect of these techniques.

   But since she’s also not really sure what really works and what doesn’t, except from what she’s read, the guy can still have advantage.

   Just for fun, he ought to point out to her that she never detected the stuff that he worked on her, because when it’s done right it seems perfectly natural to a woman. She’s likely to spend a few days going nuts trying to figure out what he did (even if he didn’t do anything). As long as he keeps her guessing, HE’S the authority to her.

   (I have to wonder whether a girl who’s such a game player is worth the effort, but I guess she must have some good qualities!)

4. Instructor CR James | Reply

   great response jeff

   (the keep her “thinking” is always a good move in that situation)

5. s | Reply

   An interesting scenario. This reminds me of being a kid on the playground, and the girl with pigtails (who knows you love to pull pigtails) challenges you to chase her. She has a strong will and a sharp intellect. And she is totally interested. Otherwise, you’d be on the sidelines. She wants:

   1) Your attention.
   2) Your approval.
   3) For you to put her in her place. That’s right. Women of high power and influence LOVE to be dominated. Smack her tush and make her call you Daddy. Or Mr. Mayor. Or Mr. President.

   She is begging for your attention. You are one lucky guy. Or skilled, for that matter. Don’t underestimate yourself. You are the one who will dominate her, not the other way around. Mr. James is right, as always. Heed his wisdom, and goode night, ye mates!

6. Instructor CR James | Reply

   “Smack her tush and make her call you Daddy” – that’s the quote of the day… and the universal problem solver…

7. Luigi Di Serio | Reply

   CR has made some great point here! Although this whole thing reminds me of my favourite sexist joke of all time:

   Q. How do you know a woman is about to say something intelligent?
   A. She starts her sentence with “a man once told me…”

   lol

8. joe | Reply

   Dude , break the cycle by going out to social settings with her and fake interest from other females. Oh and be genuinely happy from the inside , women seem to pick up on this and the other females will want to ‘share’ in this happiness regardless of the company you have .
   Your g/f will feel the heat!

9. Instructor CR James | Reply

   Joe: Any advice starting with “break the cycle” is automatic wisdom.

   Luigi: I’m telling your mommy on you.

10. Gail | Reply

    Hey, Luigi !!!!!!!! A man once told me not to believe any thing a man told me !!!!!!
    And another man, named St. Paul, told me to not accept everything any person tells me without thinking on it using what the Bible says. And another man, named Jesus Christ, told me to love God with all that i am and to treat people the way that i want to be treated.
    And then there is the man named Solomon — ……
    ———————
    But back to the letter
    ~~~~~~~~~~
    Well, I owe everyone another apology for my reaction; we should never kick anyone when he/she is down and we should never say “I told you so” or the like —- God knows, it doesn’t take much for us to be in the same position as the person we are pointing our fingers at …..and like the saying goes, when we are point our finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back at us. I am so sorry.
    And, to be honest, there is a reason that I was able to say that payback stinks with such adamancy; I’ve experienced my own share of “paybacks” — AND IT DOES STINK …. But, as I’ve also learned, pay-backs also teach a lot, too, most importantly, how the other person felt and how to put ourselves in another person’s shoes.

    To give a constructive comment, though,
    • I am wondering the reasons his girlfriend is trying to seduce him. That fact tells me that she is probably sexually hungry (see CR’s report about married/committed women cheats. I think this man might be fortunate that she is still seeking him for sexual intimacy, however clumsy she is at doing so, than going to another man.
    • I am also wondering if the woman seeking to seduce this man might be the result of the SSP principle of forcing a woman to seduce the man if she wants sex rather than the man seducing her and making her work for any sex that he’ll concede to give her …. again however clumsily she might be trying to do so. So, i’m wondering if this might be a case of “be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.”
    • Also, there was one report that you wrote, CR, which actually told about how a woman used the same SSP seduction principles on men that you teach that a man use for women —– and saying how successful she was at doing so. And there are many SSP principles that I could see would apply to a woman as well as a man —- for example, those that teach about how a person to become comfortable with who he/she is. Plus, CR, you’ve mentioned using these same principles as a sales person with both men and women.

    But I can see how her reading the literature she has would indeed be complicating this man’s seduction of his girlfriend using SSP. It would be like a martial artist trying to take down another martial artist vs. trying to take down an untrained private citizen …. even if that person has been taught in a different form of martial art it would still complicate taking him/her down because he/she would know how to attack, defend, and counter attack and would not be helpless as the untrained person would be.

    One of my first impressions is this: I think this is a perfect example of what can happen when we separate love, mutual respect, and caring from sexual intimacy. It becomes self-serving for us and degrading and destructive to our partners. This situation looks like it is fast becoming a war — which person can out-“play” the other …. definitely not what I would call a “relationship”.

    The only emotionally healthy way I can think of to “level off the playing field” for both of these people would be to stop “playing” each other entirely.
    I liked what you advised, CR, that this gentleman should not play her games but I disagree that he should play his own games on her in response.
    The way I have found to survive people who are trying to “play” me is to not play games at all …. to let them play all the games that they want to but to not be pulled into them —- sort of like when a person comes to you wanting to play one-on-one basket ball ….. but no matter how hard he/she tries, he/she can’t play at all unless you join him/her in playing the game.
    Of course, having said that, I also am no longer naïve enough to believe anything that person says. I usually just try to be as genuine, honest and forthright as I know how to be while being neutral about whether or not I believe what the other person is telling me; I figure that if the person is trying to play me, the truth will eventually come out …. and if he/she isn’t trying to play me, that will come out, too.

    I believe that this man playing his own games on his girlfriend would only serve to escalate the situation, especially since the girlfriend is already in the mind set of “go ahead; make my day”.
    Plus, the games you mentioned do nothing but subjugate a woman under a man’s dominance, something that gets most of us women up in arms in a heartbeat. And any person worth his/her salt would rebel against such demeaning actions, man or woman, even as this man himself is rebelling.
    Rather, I would advise the man to talk with his girlfriend about what she is doing and its consequences not only to him but their love life, even as you had mentioned —- and advise him to tell his girlfriend the ways he does like to be seduced. And, to be honest, that is something they should be working on doing with each other already — he should be as open to her needs as she should be to his.

    But, having said that, if I were to advise the woman, it would be to turn her “pickiness” to a positive.
    I tend to be very detail oriented myself, noticing the smallest thing and bringing it up. In many ways this is one of my strengths, especially in my professions. However, any strength carried to an extreme becomes a weakness. Unfortunately, most of what I noticed and confronted was anything negative.
    But then I heard someone on the radio give a piece of advise to detail oriented people like me —- to “notice what people are doing RIGHT and tell them about it”, instead of only telling them about what they are doing wrong. It took something that I do automatically and made something positive out of it. And it is not only easier for people to live with me, but it has become something actually FUN for me to do. I love doing it —- and of course, there is that principle of “doing random acts of kindness” that is also a whole lot of fun.
    And, so she knows that she doesn’t have to NOT tell him about what he is doing wrong and/or is a turn off for her, I’d also advise her about two more principles that I’ve learned:
    1. that people need to hear ten positive things about themselves or that they have done right for every one that we tell them is negative or that they’ve done wrong
    2. that when we do confide to them something that they’ve done wrong, we should sandwich it between at least two things that they have done right or are positive about them ~~~ and remember that a person’s soul is the most fragile thing on earth …. including a man’s (despite their man’s man pronouncements to the contrary).
    (As a side note to any gentlemen who refuse to cry because they fear not looking like a man: I still remember the first time I saw my father cry; I didn’t see him as less of a man, but as a far greater man ….and as a far greater and whole person.)

    It is basically going back to that age old principle Jesus taught in the Bible: treating other people the way you want to be treated.
    And these are principles would apply to how he communicates with her, too.

    I guess that is it.

    Thank you for your input, CR.
    I always appreciate you insights and their unique wisdoms. So often you bring up concepts I’ve never thought about or only suspected —– like when you mentioned empowering a woman sexually as well as professionally and socially. It is true that I would not tolerate living with a husband who use SSP tactics on me, but SSP also has some excellent principles that I would love him to adopt if he needed to ….the ones that help him to be comfortable with who he is as an individual — the person Jesus created him to be.

    G

11. Gail | Reply

    Hey, CR, if a man tried the “smack her on her tush and tell her to call you Daddy” on me, he’d better be smiling (widely !!!!!) or he just might end up sitting on the floor looking up at me — after a long period of time unconsious.

12. Jim | Reply

    If thus gal is trying to seduce him, what’s the problem?
    I’d say, smile and tell her that she has his permission to try anything she likes, but not to expect anything to work. And then, do as he pleases – let her win, or not.
    And when she “wins” let her know that she just did exactly what he wanted her to, with no further explanation. (Classified – if I tell you, I’ll have to kill you, and we can’t have that, can we?) That should keep her either guessing, or happy.

13. Dave | Reply

    >> Also, there was one report that you wrote, CR, which actually told about how a woman used the same SSP seduction principles on men that you teach that a man use for women —– and saying how successful she was at doing so. <<

    Does anyone not recognize that the seduction techniques and “the game” taught by CR and others were first developed and long practiced by women?

    What we’re doing here is adopting their methods… stealing their material, if you will… and using it on them. Once we’ve stolen their material and used it on them, it leaves them without a game plan.

14. Dave | Reply

    Let me go a step further. Since Rob has stolen the women’s (women referring to women in general, not necessarily his girfriend) game, critiquing his game has become her fallback position.

    In other words, if she can’t run the game, she’ll just critique his.

    She is actually responding to Rob’s game, in a somewhat unusual way. Since she is responding, rather than running the game, she is really playing Rob’s game (in her own way).

    Being the responder doesn’t really put her in control of the relationship (which is what these techniques have historically done for the female) — AS LONG AS Rob doesn’t allow this to become a head game which he perceives himself as losing.

    I’d suggest that the proper response, when she critiques his game, is to laugh at her — and playfully suggest that she really doesn’t understand the game or what’s going on beneath the surface, then move on to a new topic. She will likely try to get Rob to enlighten her, at which point Rob declines to give away his “trade secrets.” If done properly (teasingly and with a smile), this head game trumps hers.

15. CF | Reply

    Ayyyyyy-mennnnnnn

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