“this guy’s weird situation”


Here you go, if you have an answer to his question just send me an email (crjames100@gmail.com)…
What advice would you give him?

Maybe you have been in a situation like this before…
(if you have any ideas, send me an email at crjames100@gmail.com)
Warmly
CR James


RSS Feed for This Post119 Comment(s)

  1. eltheous | Reply

    I am a female who has the following thoughts re why a man might ejaculate very quickly with his regular girlfriend but go a long time with another girl he really likes.

    1. Some men (perhaps most) are much more unconsciously sensitive to the vibe the girl is giving out — if, for example, she really doesn’t like him, he might have trouble getting an erection even if she’s acting on the surface as though she wants him to fuck her. Every lover has a different style, and when making love, one dances with their tune to some degree. One woman may give out a relaxed vibe telling the guy to take it slow with her body — the regular girlfriend however, prefers “wham, bam, thank you ma’am.”

    2. The guy could try desensitizing creme on the tip of his penis — or have sex with his lover and/or masturbate to ejaculation before seeing his girlfriend so as to prolong his lovemaking.

    3. He can try blind folding and tying up his regular girlfriend so that he can go more at a pace he prefers without her looking at him. He can also walk away to distract himself, tease her body and make her beg for it, etc. He can also try massaging her all over and vice versa with the intent ahead of time that they agree not to have sex.

    4. He can try playing slow relaxed music or drinking a little first.

    5. If he comes quickly and worries about this — no need. As he gets older he will hold out longer automatically (a guy can change from 10 seconds to 20 minutes in a space of ten years).

    6. Possibly the regular girlfriend makes him feel they’re committing a shameful act — which turns him on quickly, and makes him want to get it over with quickly.

    7. It also might be the time of day and external environment differ with each woman, and that affects him. Or, his regular girlfriend might be young and enthusiastic like a puppy that wants immediate active play.

    8. Perhaps the lover massages the guy and helps his relax or has a soothing voice or is older with less super firm flesh — but with richer deeper tones to her lovemaking that take a while to be savored and slowly and more completely turn him on (fine wine vs. coffee). Or the topic of discussion or type of relationship differs with the two girls.

  2. Instructor CR James | Reply

    hey eltheous… good answers. you reeeeeally broke it down

  3. Christopher B | Reply

    Dear CR,

    I think it’s because this man is thinking of his lover while making out with his girlfriend.

    (Is there really a difference between the 2?
    I don’t think so.)

    Sincerely,
    Christopher B.

  4. Instructor CR James | Reply

    very interesting chris!

    i had thought of few things, but never considered that….

  5. eltheous | Reply

    It’s also possible that the regular girlfriend has contempt down to a fine art and makes the guy feel like a foolish idiot without saying a word. Thus he’s reduced to shamefully acting as quickly as possible (plus he’s angry at her putdown and lack of acceptance so this turns him on).

    Clearly this guy does not like the balance of power in his relationship with his regular girlfriend (except he’s the one cheating on her). He resents possibly her attitude that she’s too good for him and he’s lucky she lets him touch her for a limited time.

    What this guy has to do is take control of the sexual power by rendering her helpless thru spanking, wrestling and pinning, blindfolding, tying up, etc. He can also tease her about her arrogant attitude and let her know he’s just been indulging it because he thinks it’s cute — but she better be careful, one of these days he’s going to let his real masculine self come out, and it’s going to be pissed at her games and ready to teach her a lesson about what a helpless little girl she really is.

  6. Instructor CR James | Reply

    Did you read that Mr. V [the guy in the email]?

    It’s time to take control over your Sexual Power via “spanking” & “wrestling”…

  7. Travis | Reply

    Hey CR,

    I read that blog post and I must say that is quite a tough one. I can see why you are having a hard time figuring it out because I am as well.

    The only thing I can come up with for his situation that makes sense to me at least, is that fact that he is cheating on his girlfriend of 2 years.

    What I am thinking is the fact that he’s cheating and he knows he is, is that it makes it forbidden and SO much more exiting to him that he can’t restrain himself and loses it so to speak. The excitement of being with someone new, someone different and having it be somewhat “wrong” because he’s with someone else just put him over the edge. After all, if we know we shouldn’t be doing something, it makes it so much more fun =D. Let me know what you think

    Talk to you later,

    Travis

  8. Instructor CR James | Reply

    thanks for the feedback travis…

    that makes a whole lot of sense…

    i wonder if there’s any more “cheating guys” out there who experienced something similar…

    -cr

  9. Travis | Reply

    Give it a shot and ask around on the blog or something. Have them email you if they’re worried about being exposed…

    I’ve personally never cheated, but have thought about it. I’ll ask around and see if I can get any of my friends to spill their guts lol.

    I know a few have cheated but not sure if I can get them to admit. Good luck with the search.

    Travis

  10. Chris | Reply

    Hey,

    Not sure what could be causing that but i know what he means! lol

    My advice if he wants to last longer? Try kegels.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kegel_exercise

    While he’s working on that just try changing positions with her when he feels he’s getting close to finishing. Take your time changing so it gives you a little time for the excitement to subside.

    Chris.

  11. Instructor CR James | Reply

    how many should he do chris?

    there’s a lot of kegal-fanatics out there… guys who do like 100,000 a day…

    which kinda creates the sub-plot (or sub question)… would it be considered
    weird, gay or disrespectful for a dude (like a buddy or whatever) to be “secretly” doing kegals as he talks to you about sports or something..

    i don’t know…

  12. Simon | Reply

    Hi CR,

    Here is my take on this situation.

    The power structure of each situation is different. With his lover he has power. With his girl friend, as he states, she has all the power. His inability to control himself with his girl friend is a result of his sub-conscious resistance to this set up. The only power he has is to deny her orgasms/ satisfaction (at least with him) through premature ejaculation.

    He must recognize his passive aggressiveness and honestly re-evaluate his relationship with her.

    He must admit to himself that she is in control and that he can not accept it.

    He can then decide to accept it, or, must find a way to get his power back, at the minimum an equitable share.

    If he doesn’t do any of this then it is only a question of time before she moves on to someone who will fulfill her.

    Simon

  13. Mhel | Reply

    Dude,

    This guy actually knows his problem and doing the opposite or controlling the main culprit will likely cure him. Verbatim, he mentioned that with his girlfriend, he gets ” so aroused and excited” …. BINGO… this is the main culprit. Hands down, in the more sexually advanced and sexually evolved men, Satyen Raja, Neo, etc… they all talk about this level of energy in their seminars. This level of arousal has to be checked and cannot be sustained for a long period of time, otherwise… early ejaculation will occur, which is the case here. They are saying that if you can practice having a level of arousal fluctuate between 6 – 8 out of 10 (6-8/10) during intercourse – level 10 your penis is fully erect and rock hard……. you can become a master of controlling your ejaculation.. and “can last for hours” without even ejaculating … and a possibility of multiple orgasm…. I have been a follower and practitioner of this type of breathing and meditative technique… i am a living proof of its veracity… i have yet to advance to experiencing multiple orgasms (male) without ejaculation…. this may seem voo-doo-ish but i believe its possible. I am a medical clinician and medicine can not answer any of these phenomenon.

    I hope this helps.

    Mhel, NY

  14. Instructor CR James | Reply

    thanks Mhel…

    Great explanation…

    the OrgasmPower.com book teaches a simple way of reaching MMO… I think you would be able to appreciate that book…

    take care

  15. Michael | Reply

    Here is the answer this guys wierd questions:

    First of all, he is experiencing the multi facets of being a man.

    * This girl has sexual power over him and he is experiencing being submissive to her sexual proweress without being conscious or verbally aware of it.
    * He can over come the issue the more he mentally and consciously sees the challenge as something he has to become stronger over while enjoying it
    * The more he can enjoy taking her and be in total control and take his time enjoying her; she will sense it and will climax first. Only then has he learned to become master over the issue; and as the old Kung Fu series used to say; “now it is time for you to go”
    * I speak from 1st hand experience on the issue.

    Now can I get a free ebook for my truthful and stellar answer? 🙂

    Thanks,
    Michael

  16. ed | Reply

    CR,

    Good stuff you write! Since reading your stuff my treatment from women in general has went through the roof!

    I get hit on by women almost everyday now. It’s the way I carry myself and disconnect from them all!

    Good stuff man!

    Anyway on to the question this guy has. I think I know the answer, but who knows if I am right? I’ll take a stab at it anyway…

    He comes too fast with his girlfriend, lasts just fine with his lover…

    He loves his girlfriend too much. He is so emotionally attached with her and feels this love to such a degree that when he is with her, he gets too excited and comes too fast.

    With his lover, there is not as much emotional attachment, she’s just a fling in his mind, no deep bonding emotional attachment, so he is able to stay disconnected from her and not get too excited. Thus, the sex lasts longer and winds up being better than with his girl.

    This answer came to me immediately because it happened to me. Me & my wife had been having some troubles, and separated about two years ago. I came too fast when we had sex and it was unfulfilling to her.

    I was in the marriage rut and didn’t really care or think that she would leave anyway…She did. Suddenly everything was a lot more real to me, so I started researching the whys of our problems.

    It turned out to be my problem, I was a boring nice guy. Ran across your stuff and realized about the polarity shift between us, and that what she really craved was a romantic leader instead of a nice guy.

    I began shifting my attitude towards disconnecting, and being the bad boy that women love. Geez, women started crawling all over me, all over town! They could sense this badboy in me and my confidence.

    I could tell many stories about this!
    I’m dating two different women tight now (Had them BOTH on new years eve!), I last just fine with both of them and my sex life is through the roof!

    I’m also still in contact with my wife, and have been being loving, but in a disconnected bad boy way, and she took immediate notice and started treating me better.

    She comes to visit about every 2 or 3 months, and we have been having better sex since we split up than when we were together.

    I haven’t come too fast and she’s always getting hers. She wants to get back together now.

    I romance her and bang the snot out of her when we get together and she’s remarked several times about how something happened to me, that I am a changed man, more like the man she fell in love with way back when.

    I do love her and would like to be together again, but forced myself to disconnect and play hard to get. She is falling in love with me again.

    When I was able to disconnect from her emotionally (somewhat), things immediately changed for the better.

    I’ve always loved her very deeply, too deeply. So deeply that I came across as clingy. Now that that is behind me…She wants me bad again.

    I told her that I’d give it some thought and let her know. She said I’m playing hard to get and that makes her HOT!!

    Now she’s being clingy, calls and texts more now than when we were together. We are communicating on a level that we never have before. Anyways, I digress…

    The guy needs to let go a little and disconnect from his girlfriend. The first couple times I had sex with someone other than my Wife, I did not come too fast and we had fantastic sex.

    I marveled about it. How could I last so long with another girl and not with my Wife? Huh. I had little connection with the other girls, so didnt get so excited.

    I think they are both falling in love with me too. The one girl is very very hot and new years was the first time I did her.

    Sine Jan 1st to date I have almost 1600 e-mails from her!

    Psycho stuff. I’m pulling way back from her!

    That’s my take on it. Right or wrong. It probably is his problem.

    Regards,
    Ed Kellams

  17. Instructor CR James | Reply

    very interesting…

    especially since you confessed to being “in the situation”…

    thanks for the kind words by the way…

    regards,
    cr

  18. chris | Reply

    Crjames,

    perhaps theres a psychological situation going through his head.

    Maybe he isnt truly happy with his girlfriend (no matter how amazing she may be sometimes the mind can alter the reality, like when you dont get a hard on at times). mayb he has some form of guilt but im not really sure about that, i cant really justify it.

    dont kno how i would be able to advise someone like you james and im sure theres another reason but heres my thought on the subject. lookin forward to your next update, really need help and guidance at times, take care.

    Chris

  19. Instructor CR James | Reply

    it’s good to hear from someone who is currently battling PE, because i’m sure you’ve torn through all of the “theories”…

  20. TopCat | Reply

    CR, hey man what’s up?

    Thanks for all the good work your doing with all of us guys. i don’t usually reply to any of the emails i get.

    But this one, the one about the guy who cums too fast with one women and can last as long as he wants to with an other women is something i have had some experience with.

    In the Seventies as a buff life guard, i was used to getting pussy handed to me in wet bikini’s all the time. two times that i can remember. (it was the seventies)

    One hot little mexican girl with BIG aaaa eyes yeah that’s it, eyes. In Flint MI. came on to me and wanted it bad.

    So i thought id be a good life guard and save her by handing her a pole. Now i have had a few women stay and come back after closing for some one on one water play. ehh fun in the pool.

    A million dollar indoor pool with a dock. colored lights down low shining off of the water. steam rising from the water. hot air. Wet bodies.

    i had her take her top off and walk around the pool all sexies for a while. Then we got to business. After the kissy kissy, fingy fingy, suchy suchy, licky licky, she was super wet, inside. I like to start off me on top then do what ever comes to mind.

    So that’s what we did. On a deck lounge. (i am average average) 6 by 5 1/2 so i slid right in. but man she was super hot inside. Then she started to quiver inside. Man that did it, two strokes maybe three.

    BAMM! the dishes were done man. Shocked the heck out of me.

    I can recover in about a half an hour. but it took me over an hour this time. The second go around was better but it didnt last as long as i wanted either.

    I also can last as long as i want usually. (when i was twelve my sixteen year old ant taught me to hold back for as long as i wanted). but that’s an other story. The mexican girl said it happens sometimes.

    But she also said she had a boyfriend with a big dickl. I don’t really know, but maybe she was so used to a big one that her inner walls tickled my average one just the right way. Everything felt good. she was a hoty and all.

    But that was the norm at this pool. She came back again two weeks later. This time i had a beer. ate some food. slowed my body down just in case.

    Well the same thing happened man. BAMM! time to watch the game man. She got passed and walked out, no stomped out. I don’t blame her at all. This happened with one other women. She was a hot blonde that dyed her hair brown. I don’t know either. But she wasn’t super hot inside nor did she quiver inside.

    I took her doggy style first thing. She had a great asset. i just had to watch it while i…… First stroke she squeezed real tight. Second stroke she squeezed real tight again.

    Then BAMM! twinkle lights and fire works with heavy breathing for me. She just stood there bent over looking back at me with this discussed look on her face.

    i just had time to pull out and squirt on the butterfly tattoo on her asset. She stormed off before i could even recover.

    I don’t know how this can help you. Even though these were unscheduled quickies.

    It brought back some fond memories of the pool at the SunRidge Lodge for me. (i got stories) It bothered me back then. Although it hasn’t happened since. Now in my 60’s i still don’t squirt after three or four hours.

    I send these 20 and 30 year olds home wobbly in the knees wondering what the hellb just happened. with a smile on there faces though. From what i’ve leaned.

    Get her off with a dildo, fingers and tongue so many times she say’s she cant take anymore. Them give it to her.

    If you squirt quick She won’t care. If you don’t squirt quick She will think your an animal.

    Ether way you win man.

    This is TC short for Top Cat
    keep em happy….. you bring the handcuffs

  21. Instructor CR James | Reply

    “Either way you win” – Did I just read that?

    Top Cat I don’t even know where to start man…LOL

    But first of all, you do realize that the “16 year old Aunt teaching you (as a 12 year old little boy) how to master the art of lasting long is something you have to tell me about…

    You have to tell me about that story man! (it can be off the record – but you just can’t gloss over something like that. LOL)

    Also, you were the first to point out one of my earlier theories – which was a long the lines of “does the girlfriend have a BETTER pussy?” because All Pussy Isn’t Created Equal..

    Some are hotter
    Some are tighter
    Some are wetter

    And this does make a difference!

    Of course, i did ask him about that and he said that wasn’t the case… (they were the same)… so that means “what’s really going on” is a lot closer to one/some of the “psychologically-based” responses…

    Take care man…

    Peace
    CR

  22. Dan E | Reply

    he’s posing interesting question, i agree. I’ve been in what sounds like exactly the same situation, so this should be the answer. He may not like it, for the truth is not always pretty.

    I was married at a very young age due to an unexpected pregnancy. I now think of the marriage as one of many youthful mistakes. She was a nice enough woman and she really loved me, but no matter how hard I tried I could not return the love. Looking back i know now that i never really loved her or even respected her; my maturity level prevented me from even really comprehending these two concepts.. We had sex often, but to my horror the sessions got shorter and shorter as the marriage dragged on. I became convinced I was doomed to live out the rest of my days as a “minute man,” never able to satisfy a woman’s desire. And of course these thoughts only made the problem worse, because after awhile all I could think about during sex was cumming.

    Later I met another woman (I’ll call her the girlfriend in this email) and saw in her what i like to call the undefinable “spark.” It made her irresistible. . It was the first time I had seen it in anyone.

    Anyway sex with her was different. I was able to last for hours again, despite the fact that the sex was ten times better. What puzzled me the most was that I was making no conscious effort to do anything differently.

    Now I have the wisdom to know what the difference was. To my ex-wife I was being a selfish lover without realizing it. As much as I wanted the sex to last, it never could. I wanted to last longer for the sake of my own ego, but having no genuine feelings for her, I had no genuine desire to please her.

    I have a genuine desire to please the “girlfriend”, and so when I have sex with the “girlfriend” I can last as long as I want. Sometimes I don’t come at all, which is fine by me. All i want out of sex with her is to see her come over and over until she can’t take it anymore. To me that’s more satisfying then having an orgasm. The orgasm is now more like “dessert” for me.

    So the problem was that I had set my standards too low and was with the wrong woman. My subconscious had no desire to please the ex-wife so it was impossible. My advise to our friend would be to ask himself how he really feels about his regular girlfriend, and whether or not he should be with her at all. The fact that he has another girl on the side tells me she must be lacking something he needs in a partner.

  23. Instructor CR James | Reply

    very interesting dan…

    i figured there had to be someone out there who had been in the exact same position…

  24. JeffS | Reply

    Been there, done that.

    If this is the most difficult question this guy’s ever gonna have, he’s gonna have a charmed life!

    Long lasting–when I was in my 20s, I dated an insane stripper chick, a real sexual super freak. The sex was great because she was always ready (Look! A phone booth!), but it was also terrible because she was insane, and for her sex was a competitive sport with a winner and a loser. It was fun the first few times, but her personality became a real turn-off, so there ended up being this dichotomy: the sex and her body really turned me on, but her personality and the competitive, controlling nature of it really turned me off.

    OK, maybe nobody else has ever had quite that situation (unless you dated her, and there can’t be more than 80-90 guys who can say that), but here’s the point: when you’re not super attracted to the woman you’re with, or when you’re fully in control of your feelings and the situation, you can last a long, long time. The attraction’s high, but the adrenaline, the fight or flight or f*** response isn’t triggered. You can control the intensity and the action.
    (In the abovementioned, highly dysfunctional sex life, I once had sex with her for 11 hours straight, and for the first 2 weeks of our relationship I never had an orgasm with her, despite daily sex of an hour or two a day. It drove her UP THE WALL!).

    For guys dating normal women, just increase the amount of foreplay for both of you. Girls love foreplay, and most of them will love giving it to a guy who seems to understand the pleasure of it. The longer you spend in a state of arousal the longer you can stay in it. Just don’t think of it as frustration (inner game alert!). Get comfortable working from a state of extreme arousal. Worst case, consider your own climax as “game over,” and avoid it for as long as you can.

    They say there’s a moment of “ejaculatory inevitability”. Find it, get comfortable with it without setting it off. You’ll find it’s a “yes or no?” switch more than a “moment of inevitability.” If you can get close to it, and keep your arousal just shy of triggering it, it starts to recede for while, and you can do some really impressive stuff. Generally having more of an interest in controlling the encounter, and controlling the woman’s experience will also take your attention off yourself, and you last longer.

    Look, you can always get yourself off, but there’s so much more amazing things you can do with a woman’s sexual response, and she’ll love you for exploring it. Don’t worry about the number of orgasms you can bring a girl, how bout the number of different kinds of orgasms?

    Short-Timer: Remember that “fight or flight or f*** response? That’s the difference. There’s an adrenaline charge there, something’s telling your nervous system that there’s danger! I don’t know whether that translates as increased excitement or a feat of getting caught or hurt or a need to run, but it’s translating out the same way.

    I can’t tell from the letter what this guy’s feelings are for the girls in question, so I may be off the mark, but there’s something about being with the other girlfriend that’s lighting a fire in his spine.

    I’m guessing that he lasts with GF1 because they have a great deal of comfort together, and excellent rapport, so he’s free to explore safely. A lot of women are like this, they can only get crazy and really be their entire sexual selves when they feel really comfortable. Maybe he hasn’t really reconciled that he’s not cheating on GF1 when he’s with GF2, so there’s an issue of taboo that gets his nads in knots, or maybe he’s so fired up that he’s got two girls that his cup runneth over.

    Same rules apply, though. More foreplay. Get comfortable being that excited around her, without going further, until you are in control. Maybe tie her up and blindfold her (seriously) and spend an hour or two teasing her sexually. While you’re teasing her, she’ll never know you’re also doing it to get control over your own response. She’ll probably love it, and you’ll have all the time you need to get comfortable at your particular sexual plateau.

    Hope that’s useful data!

    Cheers,
    Jeff S.

  25. Instructor CR James | Reply

    very useful data my friend…

    thanks for responding

    -cr

    ps: i think ive actually dated her (specifically)

  26. John | Reply

    This sounds familiar to me and I believe I may understand.

    First of all when he’s with his “Lover” It’s hot and heavy and it’s nothing but raw wild sex they are there to please each other.

    She “rocks his world” so during sex they are a couple animals going nuts.

    She’s hot and he is her pleasing stud. So they can go all night, it’s a mind thing.

    But when he’s with his “girlfriend” they “make love” it’s soft and caressing.

    So then it is an entire different mind set, he want to please her and probably does
    but it’s a love and respect thing not a fun and nasty affair. So he then makes love
    to her and with “real love” everything just feels better making it harder to control ejaculation.

    Well that’s my opinion {plus I found it harder to control cumming with my wife then with any girl that I have ever been with}

    John

  27. Instructor CR James | Reply

    thanks john…

    i appreciate the response.. i had a few theories…

    in fact, the more i read these different responses, the more the whole thing begins to reflect my thought process – which is “seeing a lot of different possibilities” that all seem to make sense…

    although the “love” angle is one of things that i didn’t consider – which makes a lot of sense… i tend to agree that sex is much better when the emotion of love is present.. and i can see how this could affect the love-making from an arousal standpoint…

  28. Francois | Reply

    Hi CR

    If you read his E-mail carefully, he doesn’t really sound too enthusiastic about his girlfriend other than that he loves to make love to her (including the lover in the same breath)…I think he just likes to HAVE SEX with his girlfriend and LOVES to MAKE LOVE to his lover.

    … about his lover though, it’s a different story, she ROCKS his world (it bubbles over in his speach).

    I think its simply a mental disposition where he doesn’t really want to be with his girlfriend and therefore cannot control himself because he doesn’t really want to give her pleasure anymore… only has sex with her to satisfy his own desire.

    He cannot control himself physically because the psychological (not really wanting his girlfriend anymore because his lover really is the one rocking his world) disposition takes over.

  29. Instructor CR James | Reply

    Good to hear from you…

    I agree with your dissection… the enthusiasm is clearly different… and it wouldn’t be a total shock is this wasn’t the/’a huge’ factor…

  30. Top Cat | Reply

    Hey CR,

    I Brought up the second women because i really get the impression his girl friend is doing the same thing.

    For the reasons i mentioned later. she is probable not getting enough for play.

    Meaning she not getting off. so she’s tightening her pussy muscles to get him off…. quickly. to get him off…. of her.

    She’s probable fucking someone else also. And it’s probable better for her to. Any way its late, i’m tired.

    Ill tell you about my aunt an other time.

    TC out

  31. Instructor CR James | Reply

    interesting Top Cat…

    the old “pussy-tightening hurry up and cum because i’m fucking someone else that’s better than you” theory..

    definitely outside of what i considered, but DEFINITELY a possibility…

    (i will impatiently wait for the aunt story my friend…)

  32. Malcolm Butler | Reply

    Dear Excited,
    How are you today, better I am hoping, The value in what you have is the larger relationship: thus you climax quickly from the excitement of having even touched such a valuable person.
    The other is an extra: you could care less in proving anything: thus the cheapness of the action will last all day;

    Sincerely,
    Mr. Malcolm W. Butler II

  33. Vince | Reply

    Hi CR,

    I take a crack at this man’s question.

    My answer will be based
    on the assumption that the girlfriend does NOT know about the lover, the
    lover does know about the girlfriend, he and his girlfriend have been together
    for a long time (much more than a year), he is in good health, and that
    this premature ejaculation (coming before you want to) was not an issue
    until the lover came into his life.

    Before you answer him, these aspects
    of his situation should be clariefied, tho. But here goes:

    Whether he realizes it or not, he has subconsciously built up a tremendous amount
    of anxiety with the girlfriend and is not able to truly relax and enjoy
    himself during sex with the girlfriend. Anxiety happens because he is neither
    honest with himself nor his girlfriend, so he has a build-up of negative
    emotional baggage (lying, deception, guilt, resenting her “power” to make
    him cum virtually on her command, etc).

    With the lover whom he shares
    no emotional commitment beyond just sex, no such baggage and anxiety is
    present. He able to let go and enjoy being with her.

    I could always be wrong about his situation with the two ladies, but I doubt
    it. 95% of the time, PE and ED are a result of pychological and emotional
    issues rather than physical problems, right?

    Respect,
    Vince

  34. Instructor CR James | Reply

    What’s up Vince

    Makes tons of sense…very interesting analysis my friend…

  35. Joey | Reply

    I’m going to answer him sub directly if you dont mind CR.

    Check it out dude, the names joey. I’m a long time reader of CR’s and have used many of the things he has taught, and modified others to fit my needs.

    Now that the formalities are over, here is how I see you situation. Two possible answers. The first one i the physical make up of the females.

    Is your g/f tighter then the other, can she tighten those muscles? (you know which ones im talking about ;P). It could just be the way her body is built rubs you the right way. The best way to know if this is the truth or not is to think about oral.

    Do you cum quicker when she blows you? is it the same? anal with both or neither? does that change the situation. Does the g/f do anything the other girl wont? like talk dirty, give you the “special look” anything that sticks out and is sexually arousing. All of these factors could play a part in your issue.

    The second answer would be that crazy L bomb no one likes to hear when with two or more women :P. You may just care so much about the g/f that your more sexualy aroused when you have sex with her. Does it mean the sex is PHYSICALLY better? not by any means. It might just be that catalyst that puts you in at a higher state of reception.

    Now, many people will say, but yeah if you REALLY love her you wouldnt be cheating right? also wrong. Women to many males are a sexual conquest.

    I know i know, its a very cliche scapegoat, but think of it this way: Sex like many physical activities is for nothin more then amusement.

    You don’t have to LOVE baseball to play, but you still have a good time playing it right? Does that mean you LOVE basketball less? of course not, the game presented itself and you said “sure lets play”.

    That’s how i justify it anyway.

    Good luck dude.

  36. Instructor CR James | Reply

    hey joey…

    i appreciate the response my friend… good answer…

    just like you, my first thought was “gotta be” a physical thing… sticking with the baseball analogy, it’s like being thrown a 50 mph pitch over and over again, and then suddenly being caught off guard with a 97 mph fast ball….

    but in another email (not posted) he said that there was no difference in vaginal quality…

    however, that doesn’t rule out what you are saying…because one woman could be doing something (physical) that’s completely outside of your awareness that’s subtly intensifies the level of arousal…

    -cr

  37. Don Knight | Reply

    hi Cr

    well id guess its one of guilt,a safety net girlfriend that he knows he can be him self with and be totally at ease hence the quick climax,the bit on the side that’s all she’ll ever be-his proof to himself he’s still got what it takes to plough that bitch all nite long,because lets face it..

    if your into your zone (thinking clearly.i.e not being a dirty shagging scum bag thinking i hope my girl can’t smell this bitch on me.. what i’m i doing here..

    i wonder if she can read my thoughts?. boyo she’s got one Big Fanny..i hope i dont go soft,.

    i can smell fish & garlic etc your never going to climax) anything beyond 2 minutes is more than enough.. or she could just have a Big Bargain bucket pussy kind of like throwing pencil in a Empty garage,and the obvious She’s one Ugly Bitch Too!

    For all future questions please send $2 to ‘The Pussy Gardian’ carer of Mr Buster Hymen 69 Salt meadows road,urgay !!
    Anyway hope this helps

    Don

  38. Instructor CR James | Reply

    don…

    (a pencil in an empty garage?)

    i know you would chime in with something “interesting”. lol

    good to hear from you…

    can i get 11 questions for $20?

    at any rate, when i de-donknight the content of your message, i actually can embrace what you are saying…

  39. Joe | Reply

    Hi CR

    Yes, I’ve been in that weird situation before myself although I never cheat anymore. And it wasn’t a big problem for me because I overcame it (excuse the pun). On one occasion I masturbated in the afternoon and had sex with my girlfriend in the evening. She told me that it was great sex, perhaps the best we’d ever had, and was very happy that I’d lasted so long, about an hour or more I think. I told her why and she encouraged me to do that more often.

    For me it was simply that my regular girlfriend turned me on too much. I suspect that if your reader continues with his lover eventually he’ll have the same problem there too.

    His girlfriend has overtime come to know instinctively how to touch him (or to apply pressure with her vagina) so that he is even more aroused. And physically his body knows what’s coming (again sorry for the puns) whereas with the newer girl there’s a chance of the unexpected, it’s quite natural for it to take a bit longer in that situation.

    The solution is probably to work with his girlfriend on the problem, taking breaks or slowing down when he gets close. In other words retraining his body to last longer.

    Cheers
    Joe

  40. Dave | Reply

    Hey CR,

    Without going into a lot of psycho-babel about this man’s mental state or relationship dynamics, he doesn’t really have a problem that can’t be handled.

    I am sure anxiety has something to do with it, but in reality all he needs to do is focus on what ever woman he is with at the time. By using foreplay and oral techniques he should make sure that either woman has 1-3 orgasms prior to making love. That way neither woman will give a hoot when he comes and will lavish praise on him.

    There are two ejaculatory tricks that he could use as well. One is the pinch technique where a man withdraws his penis and pinches the tip to reduce the urge to climax. This will work well. Another is to just pause all movement until the urge fades. Both techniques work for me. After the initial urge to come passes I can continue for as long as I want.

    For younger men that have a short refractory period between climaxes, I recommend masturbating to a climax within an hour of his
    being with his GF. That should allow him to last as long as he wants.

    His biggest problem is that he is concerned about how long he thrusts. In reality most women don’t climax from thrusting anyway, he definitely needs to do more foreplay & oral and insure that these women climax multiple times before he takes care of himself.

    Hope this helps.

    Dave

  41. Instructor CR James | Reply

    Thanks Dave

    The “tip” to utilize strong oral & foreplay tactics should apply to every guy regardless of one’s ejaculatory status…

    Great response!

    I was waiting to hear from a “professional pincher”

    (It’s been years since i battled ‘Early Withdrawal’, but I was always TOO SCARED to take on “pinching” as a solution…)

  42. Aldan | Reply

    Mr. CR James,

    Very interesting situation I have to notice. I’ve been in situation like
    this before, or almost like this, so I will give you my opinion.

    I believe that the problem is in his mind.
    On the one side, he has a girlfriend he cares about.
    On the other, he has a lover that he, relatively, doesn’t care that much
    about.
    When he’s about to have a sex with his girlfriend, unlike with his lover,
    he subconsciously pressures with thoughts like: ‘I have to satisfy her’, ‘I
    mustn’t cum fast’, etc. That mental pressure affects his sexual
    performance and stamina. Because he loves her, he wants her to be with him
    (in a relationship). In order to assure that, he knows (or thinks) that he
    has to satisfy her sexually, among the rest. That’s the source of that
    pressure, that creates those problems with early ejaculation. That doesn’t
    exist with his lover, because he don’t care that much about her opinion
    afterwards (at least not as much as he cares about his girlfriend’s
    opinion).
    The solution? (writing to him) Stop thinking like that! Yeah, I know, easy
    to say, but not too easy to implement. Do it on any way you want. Imagine
    you’re fucking your lover. Repeat ‘I can fuck my girlfriend for hours’ all
    the day. Don’t be obsessed about satisfying her! Just enjoy what you’re
    doing, without thinking about what she will think afterwards. Enjoy the
    moment! While you’re penetrating, enjoy and think about that feeling, and
    do not think about when you’re going to ejaculate! Think about NOW.
    Believe in your cock man!

    I hope this will be helpful. By the way, BIG thanks to you CR for all this
    useful knowledge you’re sharing with us.

    Respectfully yours,

    Aldan from Montenegro, Europe

  43. Instructor CR James | Reply

    LOL

    Hey Aldan

    Interesting… the “self-programming” approaching to dealing with the situation…

    Let me get these quotes right:

    “Believe in your cock man!”
    “I can fuck my girlfriend for hours’ all the day”

    Those are quite possibly the most aggressive (and simultaneously vulgar)
    affirmations I’ve ever heard….

    Congrats dude!

  44. Lawrence | Reply

    CR,

    In my considered opinion I feel that it is the emotional aspect of making love to his girlfriend that causes his problem as opposed to the physical aspect of just “banging” his lover. As you well know, the experience of just having sex with someone does not compare to “making love” to a woman you have feelings for and the bond it establishes. He loves his girlfriend and want to truly please her which may be causing some performance anxiety – he lusts for his lover and just wants to screw her brains out!

    PS Also, we can’t discount guilt if this performance issue is a relatively recent occurrence.

    Lawrence

  45. Instructor CR James | Reply

    that’s definitely a possibility…
    especially for guys like us who actually connect love with sex…

  46. Jack | Reply

    CR, it’s actually quite easy!

    Foreplay- If he’s a reader of your material, he probably already knows that he needs to lead a woman through a process of seduction. He may even know how to begin arousing her body before intercourse. However, I doubt he’s getting her to arouse his body before intercourse.

    Even if he seduces and begins foreplay with both of them the same way, I doubt they respond and begin foreplay back to him in exactly the same way. Is he diving in as soon as he has an erection? Either way, I would suggest he teases his girlfriend a little bit more before he “gets it in”. I would suggest that even when he does get it in, he pulls it out and asks her if she wants it. When she says yes, he should have her do things, like turn around or give him fellatio, or whatever, and when he goes back in her, he should go real slow.

    It’s going to require him to tell her what to do a bit more, but she’ll want it a lot more, she’ll give him foreplay more, and he’ll get to last longer. He should also try kegels for better control of the PC muscle.

    I hope that helps.

  47. Instructor CR James | Reply

    he’s a cool dude… he has a lot of my products… and has shared on a few occasions how he used the concepts/techniques to perfection… he knows how to get women horny…definitely not a rookie at using the stuff, but i get what your saying/suggesting…

    and it would be interesting to know if strategic “delay tactics” (disguised as “playful teasing”) are being used…

  48. Dontliketbbored | Reply

    CR,

    I empathise with your friend. Quite lucky in my opinion! I can tell you what works for me and rather well indeed! Quite simply, “Tequilla”.

    When I take two large shots of that “Magic Elixir” I can and do go all night. To be honest, I can cum on command and not loose my erection afterwards.

    I just keep on getting on. In fact, the last time I used this “technique” I was in the middle of a threesome with a friend and his wife. We started @ 10:00pm and finished (collapsed) at 6:15am. Of course, I had to take another shot around 2:30am as a refresher.

    I simply do not know why it does this but it works! So much so, my wife hides it from me knowing I will do her in if I have any. Lol…

    I hope your friend finds a solution.

    Regards

    Dontliketbbored!

  49. Instructor CR James | Reply

    a lot of people are pulling for him…

    don’t you just love the world we live in?

    somewhere at this very moment there is a sexually starved homeless man cashing in a shoppingcart-worth of bottles and cans… just so he can save up enough dimes to get a “crack hooker” to flash her angry boobs at his tooth-less smile…

    ….meanwhile, this guy is cyber-ly getting international love, sympathy and support from various backgrounds (intellectually, age-wise, race-wise, etc.) to assist him in his act of cheating..

    and i don’t get the impression that everyone who responded supports the idea of cheating…

    i think this just shows/proves how the male brain places a great deal of importance on “being able to last”…lol

    the tequilla solution is definitely a unique solution…

  50. zaka | Reply

    HI CR

    May be cuz this guy is under stress of performing each time he is mating with that women and that is why his natural timer shrinks. Think outside the box try some positions other than normally exercised.

    Does he normally initiate sex? if yes then next time let her do it. Its all about trying some thing different proactively cuz stream will follow the path you dig

  51. Chris | Reply

    Hi again,

    Firstly i wouldn’t consider it weird or gay unless the dude doing the kegels is thinking about fucking the other guy while he’s at it. (Not my style but each to their own.lol.)
    Disrespectful? No way! Who is ever going to know? And what kind of guy is going to think another guy is disrespectful for practicing being better in the sack with a woman? That said I wouldn’t recommend it because you’ll probably zone out a bit with the concentration on the exercise and your conversational skills will suffer for it. Anyway, there are plenty of opportunities to practice during a day. on wake up, before bed, during a meal, on the bus ride to work etc.

    A great book on the subject I would recommend to all the guys out there is: The multi orgasmic man by Mantak Chia & Douglas Abrams Arava. Here is one of the exercises the book outlines:

    PC pullups

    1. Inhale and concentrate on your prostate, perineum and anus.

    2. As you exhale, contract your PC muscles around your prostate and around your anus while at the same time contracting the muscles around your eyes and mouth.

    3. Inhale and relax, releasing your PC, eye and mouth muscles.

    4. Repeat steps 2 and 3, contracting your muscles as you exhale and releasing them as you inhale, nine to thirty-six times.

    I’m no expert on this method by any means but its something I’ve done on and off for years and I have no problems with being premature. Practice as many times as you can remember to throughout the day is how I do it but I guess it’s like any muscle, the more you exercise it the stronger it gets.

    The book quoted is a journey through a lot of exercises but the above is the bread and butter of the technique, you can after lots of practice have an orgasm without ejaculation and carry on having sex. Apparently many of these are possible during love making. (I can confirm it works as i have had an orgasm during masturbation without any fluid emissions. It was bloody weird I can tell you but it felt great! lol. Its not something I do religiously though so I’m no master in the field. I’m not going to make claims about things I haven’t seen first hand but I’m sure it is possible after that experience.)

    One more piece of advice I would offer is to practice for the experience while masturbating, when your a few seconds off ejaculating clench your PC muscles and let the excitement subside until you feel you can continue without going over the edge. When you feel ready continue until you get to the ‘nearly there’ stage again and repeat. Do this for about half an hour whenever you get the time alone. This is how I had my non-ejaculatory experience. After a few weeks practice I was trying to stop the flow but still went over the edge but nothing came out because I was clenching! Nice to get that feeling and not have to clean up the mess afterward. lol. Our friend could also practice this during love making while he is changing positions if he is shy about telling his partner what he is doing, if he isnt he can just hold off for a few moments until he’s ready to proceed.

    If anyone is wondering where the PC muscles are, next time you take a piss try to stop the flow halfway through. Those are the PC muscles doing the work. If you find it hard to stop the flow your PC muscles are weak and you will definitely benefit from PC exercises. (By the way, stopping the flow 5 or 6 times each time you go for a piss is a great way to strengthen the PC muscles too, especially if you expel the urine forcefully after each pause.)

    Chris.

    P.S. I was practising kegels while I was writing this, no disrespect meant Jamesy! lol (And I’m certainly not thinking about any intimacies with you, I like my fantasy to have tits on it! lol)

    P.P.S If your interested I have a little secret (more like two perhaps.) I use to get women, Its so simple you wouldn’t believe it. If it works for me, a 5?5? balding guy there is something in it. lol.
    Holler if your interested, maybe you’ve covered something similar but maybe not. I’m ashamed to say I havent read all the stuff you’ve published. lol

  52. Instructor CR James | Reply

    hey chris. lol

    thanks for the info…

    good stuff…

    i think you’re on to something with the kegal-guy wanting to bang the dude and how that could lead to him being gay… it kind of makes sense when you think about…

    also im curious to your kegal-free explanation of how you use your 2 magic secrets to get women…

  53. D34D | Reply

    Are you talking about the part with the premature/hot-button ejaculation? ^.^ Guys really do have a happy spot, usually 1? out from their hilt, facing down. This girl the guy’s with just knows how to always hit the spot, just right. In fact, this is one reason why girls getting their tongues pierced is such a hot thing right now – the placement is usually pretty consistent; and with little effort, a girl “in the know” can hit that spot pretty effortlessly now!

    A few things I can recommend is one, masturbating more. Especially right before meeting up with his GF; as hitting “the spot” when a man isn’t erect is considerably more difficult, and also very less intense. Plus, by doing this, the girl really has to work and be patient to get the guy erect again… now, if he’s in the mood where he *wants* that kind of action, he’s always got the choice not to jack himself off, as well.

    Risk of doing this, is that this sounds like the kind of girl who measures her attraction to a guy based on her “ability.” Reacting less as a result might send the message that you find the girl less attractive, and the relationship less valuable.

    Another thing is to redirect her attention to somewhere else; tell her you like having your feet, neck, something else licked and played with. You can also brace or shield your happy spot, too. But you know what I would do? Just enjoy it, and be proud that there’s a girl like this who thinks you’re worth her attention, too! (If that’s not the one, let me know what is!)

    I’m actually working on a bit of an outline now, about how groups of girls are composed of different “types;” how to tell them apart, what each one is motivated by, and the pros and cons of each, as well. These groupie-archetypes exist regardless of your “scene” or “taste.” Where I’m at so far:

    The Leader/Organizer:

    They tend to be the one to call first, make plans and arrangements, and usually get frustrated with nothing goes right.

    Upsides: They’re the most like to initiate contact/sex, and are focused on being “of value” to their close ones. They’re also very convincing and manipulative… which can be a mixed bag, but also consider that they’re always willing to do so to your *benefit* as well.

    Downsides: They’re the bossy ones that don’t take into consideration anything that’s on your plate. They’re also the most likely to nag until they get what they want. If you don’t mind being a follower (and surprisingly, many guys wouldn’t!), she’s the one to go for.

    How to tell who she is: Generally, she stands second-tallest, and when huddled, she’s the one everybody else is usually facing, besides maybe one.

    The Diva Fashionista:

    They tend to be the one everybody in the group turns to, to look their hottest, prettiest, cleanest, and most humiliating/uncomfortable. That’s right, she’s NOT the leader of the bunch, but she’s often confused for one, and for a few good reasons.

    Upsides: Generally, they’re the hottest-looking, most envy-inducing of the bunch. Even though they make sure their friends are hot-looking, they stay one step “above” them – even literally. They’ll keep you and your property looking sharp too, and without you even having to nudge them into it.

    Downsides: They aren’t actually *that* sexual-motivated, as much as they are admiration-motivated. They’re the most likely to be germophobic (or smudge-conscious); so they’ll usually want to keep physical contact to a minimum. They’re also generally the most high-maintenance, and least generous with their attention. Finally, they’re a “one-strike” kind of inning – once you blow it; it takes a miracle to get their attention again.

    How to tell who she is: She’s *always* the tallest of the crew; and will always wear the shoes to make it so. She’s also the best “classy”-dressed and “in-style,” since she usually picks her friends’ outfits for them, too. In most cases, she’ll also have the longest hair, too. She’s the only one turned halfway towards her friends, and halfway out from them, to show herself off.

    *Ironically, they aren’t necessarily “gold-diggers.” Face it, they *have* a way of dressing upscale already – they don’t always “need you” for that! (And if they *do* need a man for that, nothing stops them from using somebody else… unless maybe *you* do.)

    The Brains:

    Generally gives everybody help with their homework/problem-solving, is very smart/logical, but aloof and absent-minded. She’s usually the “cutest” one of the bunch, and probably the shortest, too.

    Upsides: “Brains” probably thinks more about sex than *all* of her friends put together! Busy minds are never idle, you know! Also, she’s probably more willing to do wild sexual things while she’s sober, than most girls who are drunk! She’s also the most likely to fantasize about being in compromising positions with (or even at the mercy of!) her other friends. Catch is, you’ll have to be the one to take the lead – Brains is a bottom 95% of the time, and the only difference is when she knows she’s welcome – and THEN encouraged – to be “on top.”

    Downsides: While she may have a strong sense of devotion, it often does not include monogamy; unless you’re really worth it to her. To her, being there for the people she cares about *is* commitment, excluding everybody else from her life isn’t. And it’s totally possible that you’ll be taking a backseat (or at least a sideseat) to her friends, too. Also, she’s very absent-minded and daydreamy much of the time, and not the most unpredictable of the bunch. She can’t lie for shit, either; she’s totally transparent!

    How to tell who she is: She’s usually the youngest-looking of the bunch (and secretly, is actually the oldest of them!), and stands closer to her friends than they do to one another (partly because they feel safer, and partly because she finds them attractive, too). She’s also the most likely to brain-fart whenever a guy talks to her, especially about sex (sense any irony here?). Otherwise, she’s the most talkative of the bunch, too.

    *Important note: Even though she is the “cute” one, call her “hot” instead. Trust me, nothing turns a Brain off like “that four-letter word.” Also, if the subject of a threesome comes up between you and another type of GF, -she- will be the one to talk to about it.

    The Troublemaker:

    She’s the other mouthy, trash-talking, drama queen of the bunch that things “just seem to happen” around. Often, she’s a prankster who likes keeping her friends, foes, and whoever else in-between “on their toes.”

    Upsides: You’ll never be bored with this girl around. She’s also usually the most tomboyish type; so you’re sure to find some fun common ground with her. Troublemakers are usually light-hearted, easy-going people that don’t take anything but life and death seriously. Plus, they LOVE making surprises – so if you like that kind of thing – and it’s worth the “trick or treat” approach they take, she’ll be your type.

    Downsides: You’ll never have more than a moment to catch your breath, and you’ll never really be able to let your guard down around them for long. And yes, bad things – unexpectedly bad things – tend to happen around them, too. Their spontaneous nature means they aren’t always gonna play it safe. Also, after a breakup, they’re psychotically malicious – even if it’s only for awhile.

    How to tell who she is: Bold colors. Bold attitude. Mystifying smirk. She’s the first one to laugh at or point out some event of misfortune. Can be mistaken for “bitchy” or “snobby,” sometimes.

    The Lone Wolf:

    This kind of girl is a bit of everything, all rolled into one; but in moderation. As a result, they can be pretty sensitive. Sometimes you’ll see one all over the place for a few months, and then they’ll disappear for a month or two, entirely; as they bounce between being lonely and stir-crazy, to being overwhelmed and escapist.

    Upsides: She’s smart, sexual, dynamic, reasonably hot, and very independent. Sexually, she’s not too unlike the Brain; but much more likely to be a “top” or “switch” than a bottom.

    Downsides: Her independent nature leads her to be more mistrusting at first, and less socially adjusted than most. She’ll tell a joke that most people won’t get for a week. Also, since she spends a lot of time alone, she’s the most likely to be into stuff like books and videogaming. She can also be very self-involved, too; and on occasion need “her space.” Finally, they generally have questionable-at-best, or “plain-looking” fashion sense – as that’s not always a big priority to her. And if it is, it’s usually in a creative/artistic/”WTF?-inducing” way.

    How to tell who she is: She’s the one who’s not afraid to go somewhere by herself. When she *is* in or around a “group,” she’ll look the most uncomfortable. You’ll always get the feeling you’ve seen her “somewhere before, but you’re not sure where.” And on top of that disappearing act, in total irony; she’s the most likely type to be seen in public with her parents! (Go talk to her anyways – her parents will be more embarassed by it than she’ll ever be.)

    *There may be one or two more bases to this, BTW.

    One that comes to mind is the other tomboyish “Just one of the guys” girl; that’s usually associated with male packs. In irony, her guy friends usually WANT her to get laid, and share some tales with them… but it’s funny to see how many guys see “the man pack” and get scared to death of them! More on that as it develops. So far, it seems as if they have “chicky mentality” with “sporty guy hobbies” and a generally masculine “dares/bets/dry” sense of humor/amusement.

    Please tell me I don’t have to explain how to identify *her!* ^.^’ (A hint to those who DO need it: She’s usually the short, “more pretty” one. Or in some cases, second-most…)

  54. Instructor CR James | Reply

    thanks for response…

    interesting…

    (very impressive my friend)

  55. Chris | Reply

    Ok cr, heres the secret.

    Befriend a hot woman! lol

    I came across this about 7 years ago quite by accident while working in Germany. I got friendly with a 6ft blonde stunner who was a regular in the bar where I worked and we hit it off and used to go out on the piss (thats going out to get drunk in Brit speak. lol) nearly every weekend together.

    I used to do ok with the girls before we started hanging out together but while this period of my life was happening it sky rocketed! I mean women approaching me and not the other way around, and on a regular basis.

    Now being 5?5(and a half!)” there was no way i was going to go into a relationship with a 6 footer (she didnt want that either by the way wejust got on well. although she did say she would shag me if i was a foot taller. lol), it would just look plain stupid walking hand in hand down the street. lol. BUT the other people around didnt know this!

    So, obviously this girl has friends and guess who ends up becoming part of this social circle? You got it! Moi. hehe. So every time I go out I’ve got this entourage of hotties in tow. You can imagine how this looks when your walking into clubs/bars etc.

    Now heres a couple of rules about this.

    1. Never tell your hottie friend why you befriended them, I think they might just get a little pissed off if they know your motives.

    2. Never sleep with the hottie friend, you’ll fuck up the whole arrangement if it gets awkward between you.

    3. Be a genuine friend, go out and have a good time with her. Speak about stuff you wouldnt normally talk to with a woman like who you fancy, talk about sex stuff, whatever. This wont work unless you really are friends. You have to look comfortable with this woman (and any other women you have in tow) so it looks like your close when people look at you together.

    4. Be flirty with them but never try to get with the girls you hang with. Dont get your ass kicked out of the circle by sleeping with women in it. Im not sure if this would happen but why risk messing up a good thing? 😉

    When you get truly friendly with a group like this all the other women in the place are looking at you, dont ask me why. I dont know the science behind it but i will tell you it works! You cant fake this. You must actually become friends or the right aura just isnt there for onlookers and you’ll just look like a sad bastard following them round. lol

    Another pointer: Dont be an arsehole to women who approach you that your not interested in. (and this is going to happen!) Your going to be getting to know a whole bunch of women when you get this off the ground so be nice. You dont want women you have slighted going around bad mouthing you to their (hot?) friends. Just play like your not picking up the come on, play dum rather than offend.

    Another: (never put this in words before cj so im thinking as i go. lol) Your also going to be getting more attention off men. good and bad. Dont get cocky with them because your getting all the female attention. you might end up getting knocked out. (although the best bodyguards around is a bunch of hot women, what man wants to upset em? 😉 ) If a guy asks you to introduce him, do it! women can take care of themselves on these things and you can apologise to her later if she didnt like him. just say he was being pushy about it and you didnt want him making a scene. If your mates start wanting to come out with you because your with a bunch of hotties, let them! They will be trying to fire into the girls cos they dont know the rules af the game. Maybe they’ll even end up with a shag and thank you for it. Dont worry about them stealing your thunder, they wont push you out because they are coming in as someone who wants sex/relationship with the women. you dont do that. 😉

    Anyways, the short of it is. these women will be going around telling all the other women they know what a great guy you are. other women in clubs/bars will be seeing you hugging and dancing and laughing with all these hotties and wondering what your doing that other men arent. Even the men are wondering whats going on. I remember one guy approaching the tall blonde who i was really friendly with and asking ” whats he got that i havent?” after he had witnessed me dirty dancing with her and she put her top over my head. “a personality!” she replied and all the girls broke into hysterical laughter in this guys face. This was a big good looking guy and he was soooo jelous of me. lol

    You might also get a couple of guys accusing you of being gay. Trust me cr I’m in no way effeminate but you get these jelous dicks now and again. If the girls overhear it they will have no qualms about jumping in and showing this guy how wrong he is by giving you a big frenchie on the mouth. (as a favour to a good friend of course which you’ll thank them for later. lol)

    Sorry its a bit of a mismatch with a few presuppositions of what will happen. (because these are my experiences) but its not an article, thats your job. lol. dig what you can out of it and let me know what you think. Any questions I’ll also try to answer.
    If I remember any other details i’ll let you know. lol

    Chris.

  56. Instructor CR James | Reply

    hey chris

    i can see how that would work .i’ve heard several variations of what you just laid out..i’m a big believer in whatever works for you, do it…

    i would classify this more as an “approach method” – there’s obviously some elements that explain why it works (as far as initiating a conversation with a hot chick)…

    if these were more than one-night stands that you experienced through this method, i’m assuming that you are pretty good or somewhat skilled at continuing to build sexual value…

    3 questions:

    how many women did you use this on?

    what was your most impressive story/conquest?

    why didn’t you wear an “i’m not gay” t-shirt?

  57. Danny | Reply

    CR James Hello!

    Glad to be able to contribute!

    I had the same experience of lasting very shortly with a couple of ladies – that were born in the sign of Taurus.

    I could last for ever with a couple of other ladies in the sign of Libra (and they were much better looking and willing to please that the Taurus ladies).

    It seems as if though their tissues (you know what I mean) were different, they felt completely different.

    Please note, I do not even believe in Zodiac, but this is what I realised in this instance.

    I am not joking, this is a genuine observance.

    Best regards,

    Danny.

  58. Instructor CR James | Reply

    a woman’s astrological sign determines the tissue-quality of her pussy?

    (I can officially say I’ve heard it all.)

  59. Thomas | Reply

    For the Question

    I think it comes down to how he loves the women.

    The girlfriend it could be about the beautiful body the touching or anything else.
    It could also be he thinks that the GF is “out of his league” or he doesn’t deserve her.
    “Physical attraction”

    The lover is total comfort zone between two people what I wold call
    “Spiritual Attraction”

    just my two cents

    Tom

  60. Instructor CR James | Reply

    You’re the first to mention that… It makes sense Tom…

  61. Garrett | Reply

    I think the girlfriend is cuming as quickly and often as your friend as well. Cuming is contagious so she just sweeps him up in her sexual enjoyment.

    I think the lover also takes a long time to climax, or maybe fakes it. Her body is not sending the same enjoyment signals through his as the girlfriend does. He might also feel guilty for being with the lover and that may mess with his head (the upper and the lower).

  62. Instructor CR James | Reply

    wow. that’s something i never considered – and after many varying responses (which all are strong possibilities), no one else has mentioned that…

    that’s definitely a possibility…

  63. adam | Reply

    look I’m not sure if you really wanted me to mail back about that guy and his to girls but its easy. the guy has simply gotten used to sex with lover that when his girl is ready to go.

    Its such a shock to the poor guy he gets wait he probably can barley contain him self. Because if he was happy in the sack from day one, he would never have had found a lover in first place but that doesn’t mean he ever wanted to have to find a lover. but a guy has needs he very well may never have had cheated of on his girl if she would have just made him happy in the first place.

    but she didn’t and he got to used to having it from the lover. now every time he gets a some from his girl its like Xmas over and over.

  64. Instructor CR James | Reply

    what you said makes sense, in fact it was one of my earlier theories…

  65. Roy | Reply

    There are many factors that can cause this problem and I will mention a few of them.

    physiological
    physical
    mental
    medical
    chemical

    These are sum of the factors that can cause this problem.

    For further studies on this subject I recommend you to check with the SEXUAL COMFU MASTER > Dr lin > actionlove.com

    Roy

  66. Instructor CR James | Reply

    thanks roy…

    that’s a good site.. i haven’t been there in a while.. but dr. lin knows “female orgasm”
    inside out… especially on a bio-chemical level…

  67. Robert | Reply

    Yes, I have had the experience and everything “came out in the wash!!!”

  68. G | Reply

    Hello, CR.
    Thank you for asking our thoughts about this young man’s situation.

    If you remember me, I am a woman, and a committed Christian woman, so I have no doubt that I will be coming from a different point of view than most of your responders who I am picturing as being non-Christian men. But perhaps something I share may be helpful to him.

    First, I would counsel him as I wish someone would have counseled me a few years ago; “This duplicity is cheating — stop it immediately; you are not only dishonoring, disrespecting and hurting both women but yourself as well. Take up your responsibility, courage and strength that is yours as a man and decide between your girlfriend and your lover.”
    Also, I doubt very much that his girlfriend knows about his lover … and if she doesn’t know about her now I will guarantee that any woman that respects herself would not accept his cheating on her ….. and when she does find out his situation will automatically take care of itself because she will probably either leave him or require him choose between her or his lover.

    As for his situation …
    …… let me digress a little ……
    I am also a martial artist —- the martial arts is more about a state of mind and heart rather than fighting ability. There is a discipline within the martial arts that teaches about balance …… and within the martial arts there are teachings about making love (excellent information, by the way; I highly recommend these teachings to any man or woman, starting with the book The Yin Yang Butterfly, by Valentin Chu ~~~ FAR above Karma Sutra). And, in keeping with the principle of balance, there is a saying that I read that states “A man opens a woman sexually; a woman opens a man emotionally.”
    I believe that this man may ejaculate so quickly with his girlfriend because ALL of who he is as a person is involved in their love making, his heart and soul and not only his body, while only his body is involved in the sex that he is having with his lover (please note the different words that I have used to describe their sexual intercourse; I do so with deliberate intent). Therefore, he is more sexually stimulated and, being more sexually stimulated, more easily (and quickly) reaches orgasm.
    I have heard Susan Johansson, a well known sex therapist on radio and television, advice men who had a tendency to ejaculate quickly to masturbate before being with his girlfriend to take the edge of his responses or continue stimulating her after he ejaculates the first time until he can achieve another erection.
    I’m thinking that if this man accepts that he IS extra stimulated by the completeness of his relationship with his girlfriend and that their making love is about giving each other pleasure as well as receiving pleasure (not about one person having control of the other in any way), it might help him to relax and enjoy their sexual time together.
    {And by, I am aware that some men refer to the “making love” kind of sexual intimacy as “Chick sex” ~~~~~ my answer that is that this type of man is immature, shallow, self-important, and full of himself …. and that he’d better stay out of my way or he might quickly find himself permanently singing soprano. I have neither the time nor the patience to mess around with men(?) like that.}
    I’d also like to recommend that he confide in his girlfriend about his concerns instead of isolating himself from her about them. There are ways she can help him to delay his ejaculation and extend their time together.

    G

  69. Instructor CR James | Reply

    Hey G

    Yes, I remember you.

    I was wondering if someone was going to advise against the act of cheating.

  70. Daivd | Reply

    Men who have an emotional attachment to their partners tend to ejaculate faster and vice versa, you notice that if its a new partner we can usually go for hours.

    I don’t think this guy should cheat on his girl any way, he must be quite insecure.

  71. Instructor CR James | Reply

    Thanks for advising against cheating.

    I hesitated (initially) to post the email for fear that people who “indirectly” feel
    that it was ok to cheat (and miss the potential lesson/solutions which
    could in fact help some “faithful guy” out there solve a similar problem

  72. Danny | Reply

    CR – I have to assume you are pulling our collective chains…
    with the relationship knowledge and understanding of the female mind that you possess – it seems inconceivable that you have not seen this before.

    So here is my input:
    A man in a committed relationship – married (several years, not a newly-wed), LTR common law, GF etc – beyond 2 years —develops a true love bond with that woman.
    There is still the wild untamed animal side that wants jungle fever sex.
    There is also the tendency toward boredom and “same-ness”. There is a hold created by the security of the relationship.

    Then an opportunity for an affair develops. New energy, new positions, new everything.
    The man confuses these feelings and performance anxiety sets in – he wants with his LTR what he is experiencing with his lover.
    And he knows he can lose his LTR if he is not very VERY careful. SO while there is a sense of something missing in the physical interaction, the mind control he has unwittingly given to his LTR, can put him in the unenviable position to come before he is ready.

    Its all in the mind, both the amazing interaction with his lover, and the less-than-satisfactory interaction with his LTR.

    Danny

  73. Instructor CR James | Reply

    Without doing an in depth series of questions, I (of course) had several theories – some of which were expressed…

    Your analysis is very impressive – and certainly a strong possibility..

  74. Chris | Reply

    hey cr,

    how many women as in how many did i befriend or how many did i end up sleeping with?

    Most impressive conquest?
    had two threesomes with me and two women. (different women both times all of them were German though.)

    One was with an ex girlfriend and things went terribly wrong. lol. Got a phone call off my girlfriend one night telling me to come down to the local bar because she had a present for me. Turned out the present was her friend who she had brought along for a threesome. (had told her previous to this i wanted to try it.) Anyway, we all got pretty drunk in the bar before heading back to my place where we all hopped into bed.

    Because i was so drunk it took me about 15 minutes to get it up even though my girlfriend was sucking on it with the other girl watching, (embarrassing for me but i think my ex was even more embarrassed! lol)

    Finally when i did get it up and i put my hand down this other girls knickers my girlfriend threw a fit on me and slapped me in the face and started calling me a bastard!

    I guess the jealousy thing kicked in. lol.
    We weren’t together for long after that so there is a lesson to be learned here somewhere. haha.

    Also got a lesbian who i knew fairly well at that time into bed one night, that was quite an accomplishment. lol

    Why didn’t i wear an I’m not gay t-shirt?

    I just didn’t think of it. You have all the best ideas cr! Should it be pink? Answer quickly please because i need to get one printed off ASAP. 😉

    Chris.

  75. Mike | Reply

    It would seem to me that his girlfriend is in total control in their sexual encounters 100% sort of like a puppeteer and he might not even be aware of it but on the other hand it seems that he is in total control over his mistress…i.e…”going at it for hours”

    …..to me there’s no reason why he can’t have the best of both worlds if he would act the same way with his girlfriend as he does his mistress or seek out some sexual power techniques for his girlfriend to take over part or most of the dominance…i.e…..extended foreplay….PC workouts…etc..,

    hope this helps this guy out some…

    Mike…

    you might recommend your e-boook. PussyLickingMastery…and let him put some turbo lovin’ on her…

  76. Instructor CR James | Reply

    excellent advice mike… it would be hard to disagree with what you are suggesting…

    yeah maybe i will recommend that he get a copy of Pussy Licking Mastery ( especially since it can be discreetly purchased at http://PussyLickingMastery.com )

  77. Dave | Reply

    Answer for guys problem with his girlfriend. How does a real man know when his womans satisfied? A real man don’t care.

    If he has a girl on the side and I’m assuming his girlfriend isn’t cheating on him.

    Then stop trying so hard that’s probably his problem he’s to worried about it.

    Sent from my iPhone

  78. Brian | Reply

    Hi CR,

    Him and his Lover sound more suited for each other than him and his girlfriend(Lover should be the girlfriend); The girlfriend (The way he describes her) sounds like she’s just screwing around with the guy’s head for some reason and she gets off on it; The lover,on the other hand seems alot more of a girlfriend because she seems alot more serious about a loving and caring relationship with the guy;

    My Call: Drop the girlfriend and make the lover the new girlfriend

    ————OR———–

    Talk with the girlfriend himself about these issues.

    take care,
    Brian.

  79. Instructor CR James | Reply

    i’m surprised it took this long for someone to point that out..

  80. Malcolm | Reply

    Dear CR,

    How are you today, better I am believing. Life is so beautiful, and so many who have so much need to be thankful and honest about all their interests and intentions to be happy. When interests and intentions are not met then the dualism creates the problem for the body and the mind follows. The act of being a male is easy, a man is the next step. The following is being a human. To not be a part of that growth, allows for loss and it’s ability to feel correct perfection.

    The man’s body moved on believing the first love connection was over and the need or interest to satisfy became none existent.

    Sincerely,

    Mr. Malcolm

  81. Instructor CR James | Reply

    well said malcolm

    good to hear from you..

    it’s hard to disagree with what you are saying my friend. you’re right, people have so much to be thankful for…

  82. Gary | Reply

    I think he gets xtra horney over the girlfriend because he feels he shouldn’t and therefore he loses control-he’s not in his comfort zone.

    Still a complicated situation-I would probably be the same way because when I want something real bad I tend to not hold back-I love to indulgently devour and in my case that is immediate satisfaction. I don’t wait for the syrup to get cold!

    Sorry for your Ravens. I hate that long haired goon, reminds me of the like minded packers guy that used to destroy our offense.

  83. Instructor CR James | Reply

    thanks for the response gary

    yeah that was a tough loss.. i hope the cardinals take care of business in the super bowl..

  84. Los | Reply

    Hey Cr,

    I actually understand the guy because I went through that and came out the other side. You see, our minds are extremely powerful at labeling, fantasizing & other ideological mechanism related shit. So, when I met my ex-wife she was somewhat of a freak/badass. We had awesome sex while dating and I had hella stamina. After we got married, I mentally put her out of the sexy bitch column and into the loving wife/mother column. I lost alot of my sexual desire and with it went the lasting power. We then separated and went our ways, and I was back to myself 🙂

    But the point I’m making is, It all comes down to the mental image you have of that person. If the mental image places her on a pedestal than she will have mental & emotional control over you. However, If you’re mental image is of a lover/slave or whatever you will dominate over her. That is the power of the mind my friends.

    It is especially the case if your relationship is codependant or you chose your mate to fill in a parental archetype. Anyway enough of that.

    Later,
    Los in FL

  85. Instructor CR James | Reply

    well said los!

    interesting perspective that i don’t believe anyone mentioned so far…

    and to add to that, there’s scientific research that shows that (often) when a man and woman decide to enter a (loving) relationship, the male’s testosterone levels decrease (i.e. voice isn’t as deep, doesn’t feel AS confident, etc. – all the signs of lowered testosterone take form)…

    lower testosterone can often leads to weaker erections, decreased sexual thirst, decreased lasting power…

    in reality, it’s all control by our brain/perceptions – as you marvelously mentioned – based on your personal experience…

  86. Luigi Di Serio | Reply

    “which kinda creates the sub-plot (or sub question)… would it be considered
    weird, gay or disrespectful for a dude (like a buddy or whatever) to be “secretly” doing kegals as he talks to you about sports or something…”

    This has to be one of CR’s funniest lines ever. I was in stitches after that one. Nonetheless, it really kills me to think about what goes on in that mind of his. lol. Even worst, it got me thinking about what my friends are secretly doing as we converse. Dang. Gotta skake this though, thanks a lot man. And the answer is no, it is not okay.

  87. Instructor CR James | Reply

    Luigi!

    The creator of The BINO Man Seduction Technique (which leverages the creepiness of your innocent neighbors to rapidly build sexual desire) [ http://superpowermedia.com/blog/archives/16 ] is thinking about what goes on my head? LOL

    Good to hear from you dude – and it’s also good to know that you also have issues with “discreet kegeling”

  88. Marcos | Reply

    Gday CR,

    read about the ‘unusual’ situation, and well, i kinda think I know where the guy is coming from (pun intended.. 😉

    I noticed something pretty similar happening when I was breaking up with my wife about 4 years ago..
    There was quite a bit of post-breakup action, and I was also getting out and about, and the difference between being with her and other girls was astounding..

    With my ex, i would get the tingle and be fighting it the whole time, usually lasting only a short time. With someone new, regardless of how hot or whatever, I noticed it was just in hand – I had to work alot harder to get myself to the home straight.

    I would be interested to know more about the context of the relationship this dude has with each of his partners..

    My feeling is it was all to do with your own perception of your sexual value, and how it differs between partners..
    ie your perception of your SV rating in her eyes..
    ie what you think she thinks of you..

    like you’ve said, your SV will vary between women, and since confidence is a key ingredient in SV, then one’s own perception of his SV is a key determinant in it (self-fulfilling prophecy to some extent)..

    now, just like a guy with sky-high SV can make a woman come with very little effort, the reverse (or inverse) is surely true..
    eg, if I think I’m super lucky to be fucking someone (eg, she’s super hot, she’s unavailable, she fucks with your mind somehow – ie she has read and skillfully applied CR Jill’s complete works) then I know my dick control is gonna be at sea.. BUT.. if I think someone thinks they are super lucky to be fucking me (ie i have skillfully applied my reading of CR James complete works), then i’m da man, i’m in control, and she’s looking for a handrail for a few days afterwards…

    interested to hear your thoughts…

    cheers
    Marcos

    ps i’m back in the singles game, and reading through some of your old stuff (original SSP, stuff on charisma, levels of communication etc) has been a fun (if busy) little reintroduction into this arena ; )

  89. Instructor CR James | Reply

    hey marcos

    good to hear from you…

    lol @ needing a handrail a few days afterwards…

    as far as my thoughts, i agree with your analysis. and just to add to your insightful expression of the affects of your own perception of your SV….

    A man’s own perception of his SV is his biggest leverage point in becoming desirable to women…

    Confidence (in the form of perceiving your own SV) is very easy to achieve…

    Become Extremely Comfortable With Being YOU + Expect Amazing Things To Happen To YOU + Have A Deep/Insightful Understanding of How Things Work In This World + See The Good/Positive In All People

    (and no one can stop you from easily achieving all 4)

    that’s why life is so amazing…

    because when you KNOW FOR A FACT that quality women WILL BE magnetized/deeply-attracted-to/uncontrollably-drawn-to the guy who effortlessly does all 4, you start smiling/giggling/experiencing-the-feeling-of-success/giving-yourself-high-5s PRIOR to the event that confirms success…(i.e observing a new hot woman (or your loving wife) look at you with “eyes of fascination”)

    lol @ CR Jill [someone is going to actually google your fictional female version of me]

    take care

  90. Luigi Di Serio | Reply

    As for this dude that runs marathons, then can’t even cross the line in the 100m dash… the problem is he holds his gf in such low regards (obviously cheating on her proves that), that he can’t stand her (pun intended) for more than a couple of seconds. It’s like this, I personally don’t like celebrities like Jessica Simpson or Jennifer Aniston, actually I despise them, they annoy me show much, that I would love to f**k them out of frustration and hatred. I would probably last 5 seconds, blow all over them and then leave. His mind can’t justify giving pleasure to someone he holds in such low regards. Moreover, he lasts much longer with the other woman, or else if he didn’t it wouldn’t justify having a side project. This is a case of fufillment of self-prophecy, self-validation and self-justification. He obviously has the staying power, so his problem is he despises his gf for whatever reason.

  91. D34D M34T | Reply

    Ah. Two chicks dilemma; but this *is* what I wrote about last time! (I think I just skipped over the “two chicks” line, but the problem isn’t really with the two chicks… it’s *only* a problem where the long-term gf is concerned, right?) The girlfriend prides herself on hitting “the happy spot” as soon (and probably as often) as possible, and then wonders why it doesn’t last. I actually dated a girl like that, too; that’s how I know.

    I suppose the actual “best way to stop it” is to be straightforward with gf-chick. Tell her it’s not a race to the finish line, and to enjoy the bouncing and stroking awhile first, before she goes for the kill… but again, it’s all what you do with it.

    Oh, yeah… no matter how hot the idea sounds – unless both of these girls are totally nutso about this guy, DO NOT GET THEM TOGETHER! Chances are, if this girl knows about the man’s “happy spot,” then she sure as hell knows about the girl’s one, and they just might sail off together if they -do- meet.

  92. Instructor CR James | Reply

    “they just might sail off together”

    you sound like you are speaking from experience…

    did you get your lover in the bed with your gf?

    ..only for them to become lovers?

  93. Loyd | Reply

    My thought is that if the guy is making love to both his girlfriend of two years and also a lover, and they do not know about each other, then a lack of integrity is the real root of his problem, because every time he is with the girlfriend he knows he is being dishonest with her and living a lie. Guilt can do strange things. If you build a house on sand it will crumble.

    I predict the lover knows he has a girlfriend, so he can relax with her, but with his girlfriend he knows he is cheating, and that extra stress is what keeps him being in control and making love to her for hours too.

    Loyd

  94. Instructor CR James | Reply

    good to hear from you loyd…

    and you’re right, guilt can do strange things…

    and it’s not really a stretch to see how guilt leads to anxiety.. and how anxiety affects sexual performance…

  95. Will | Reply

    dude.

    this question is….. ny way, while im no advocate for cheating on ur significant other, here’s my take on what i think is up with that dudes predicament.

    i think he’s putting toooooo much value on his girlfriend. to much to the extent of blowing her way out out of proportion, attraction wise that is.

    i think he should try and reduce the amount of value he has placed on her by a couple of quantums. but not too much that he completely loses interest in her. thats if he doesnt want that in the first place.

    lemme know how it goes.

    cheers
    william

  96. Instructor CR James | Reply

    placing too much value does create problems

    i’ll keep you posted on everything if anything new pops up…

  97. Drew | Reply

    It’s easy…he’s more attracted to his girlfriend physically and/or
    mentally.

    Pre-ejaculation is all mental

  98. Instructor CR James | Reply

    the psychological side of things is VERY important…

  99. Mohamed | Reply

    Dear CR James

    I think that he has a lot of memories and previous history of seduction with his girl friend that make their relation so close and so special that is why he responds to her professional understanding acts quickly while this sort of relation not build yet with his love, he just in challenging stage that he try to prove him self and just enjoy the novality and prove his power and I think this challenge of proving his power that makes it work for longer.

    we have a common say said that, the first love is the special one.

    Thanks my friend ,

    keep sending me your nice reports,

    Mohamed

  100. Instructor CR James | Reply

    well said my friend…

    i will keep the reports coming…

  101. chris | Reply

    cr, can i ask you a question?

    how many women have you bedded? i gave you my No1 secret. hopefully (your an honourable man embedded command! lol) whats your No1 secret?

    chris.

    p.s. oops, thats 2 questions. lol. ah well! hehe (answer No2, No1 dont really matter i guess, I have faith in you bro. )

  102. Instructor CR James | Reply

    Hey Chris…

    I will answer those questions. I’ve been waiting 10 years for someone to ask me those two questions!

    As far as question 2 – which for some reason i have an uncontrollable urge to answer (lol) – i would say the number one secret is understanding female urges/behavior along with specific urges/behavior – so if a woman tells you about a time when “something/someone” got her horny, you can use your super human brain powers to translate that into some sort of operational process…

    (but to be fair, i have A LOT of number one secrets)

    As far as question 1- if i were to guess at how many women i have “bedded” i would say 5 million (of course, i count all women i have masterbated to so that figure may be a bit off)…

  103. MB | Reply

    CR,

    I read many of the responses and I will tell you that I have only been in similar circumstances and due to the differences, it is hard to come up with a solution.

    First of all with the girlfriend that he comes to quickly with, my situation differs in that I was one of those blessed with the ability to recoup quickly, usually in less than 5 minutes or so and continue several times and usually about the 5th or 6th time my orgasm took longer.

    I also frequently could orgasm without ejaculation which was a great blessing, I noticed one reference to the muscle that controls this when you try to stop urinating, this was a great help to me. The second girl that caused such excitement in me that I could continue all night with her and I used this muscle to delay ejaculation.

    It sounds to me like your man with the weird problem does not understand what a great find he has in this girlfriend!

    What I would do if I were he is to be in this situation:

    1. [He] might want to try masturbation before meeting with her.

    2. Concentrate on getting her off by manual manipulation and or oral sex before he goes for intercourse.

    3. He could fantasize that he is making love to her mother, grandmother or the other girl that he does not have this problem with.

    4. The solution I would seek is to thank God for such a girl, break it off with the other girl and marry this rare gem with incredible sexual power before he loses her!

    MB

  104. Instructor CR James | Reply

    Very interesting…

    The “underrated” grandmother technique. Hopefully he will appreciate these tips.

  105. Drew | Reply

    So did you really not know the underlying issue or did you just want to check your response number?

    Haha!

  106. Instructor CR James | Reply

    lol actually i had several theories, but i never been in a situation like that…

    i really just expected 3-5 to chime in stating that THEY been in the situation…

  107. sahil | Reply

    well you have to Select One^

    and find the one who is real and loves you more than anything

    because 2-way love is always complicated and makes people down

    so better select one and tell her the truth*** and hope she understands you and keeps you inside her arms and be with you till the end

    sahil

  108. Instructor CR James | Reply

    thanks for the response sahil

    good advice. i admire your style and simplicity..

    1. pick one.
    2. love her.
    3. the end.

    take care my friend…

    have a great day..

    regards,
    cr

  109. Gary | Reply

    the GF he is in love with and the other is just a paramour…

    I believe it’s that simple…

    Gary, 52, Ohio

  110. Jim | Reply

    I think the “weird situation” guy’s problem boils down to a matter of feelings vs. function. What I’m mean is that the act of sex is a good feeling.

    I think much of how quickly the sex lasts is about how much you are attracted mentally and physically to the girl.

    The sex is mind-blowing with the lover but he might not be in love or as attracted to her so it lasts longer even though it’s better.

    On the other hand with his girlfriend the sex isn’t as good, but he’s more “worked up” with his girlfriend before and during the “function”, motion or act of sex because he loves her.

    That’s my thoughts anyways.

  111. Chris | Reply

    Just a quick 1 for u CR,

    Read a couple of days ago (think it was in a hypnosis book dealing with premature ejaculation) that men tend to cum more quickly if the bladder is full so its a good idea to make sure its as empty as possible before doing the dirty deed if u want to last longer.

    Hope its helpful!

    Chris.

  112. Instructor CR James | Reply

    I appreciate that…

    I’ve heard that before Chris…

  113. Studmuffin | Reply

    I read a study where people, married and single, were hooked up to machines that measured when you have an orgaism and what they found was the men on average got theirs at 7 minutes and women average 20 minutes. So, what do you do? Foreplay in the key. Men have foreplay for 13 minutes of the 20 minutes she takes, then start your sex for the last 7 minutes and then you both should come to your orgasm together.

  114. Earl | Reply

    Hi CR,
    Should this guy be with two women at once? I’m thinking he’s cheating but I’m not sure of the details of the relationship{s}. But to answer I would say this boils down to fear from a lack of will. I am not an expert at this but he is not identifying the key to power with girls, so he is probably a natural with some women and flakes with others. Let’s say you’re a natural with alright looking women and they fall all over you and you can handle the attention, but a prettier woman makes you flake when you she gets too close. I feel that’s because he doesn’t know how to find himself as yet.

    It might be that one woman is better looking than the other by slight degrees and he looses respect for the prettier one when he gets to bed {perhaps showing less respect for the prettier one {girlfriend} makes him confused when it comes time to act and he wrecks everything without realizing it}. But I don’t think it’s really ‘less respect’ for his girlfriend because he likes her a bit more. I think he so happy with his girlfriend it becomes an act of contempt and he forgets to prepare his will ahead of time and fear sets in.

    But with a slightly less attractive girl {lets say the lover} he may feel less fear because she is in some way a similar to him and he knows he’s on the same level with her. In his mind he thinks his girlfriend may deserve a better looking guy than him and perhaps it’s holding him back.

    Earl.

  115. Instructor CR James | Reply

    hey earl

    good analysis… that’s seems like a legitimate possibility..

    yeah…i think he’s cheating on his girlfriend.. i was surprised that more people didn’t at least mention that…

    take care
    -cr

  116. Chuk | Reply

    CR.. Its not a weird situation.. this thing also happens to me as well but mine is kinda funny.. When ever i have sex with the Big(Fat or + plus) girls i can last hours but with other size i might not last a min. i believe i enjoy sex with the big girls thts y it takes time for me to cum, unlike with the slim ones. I think it has to do with his state of mind at that time, He last forever with his woman because they are making love and not fucking..

    all he is doing with his girl friend is having sex. if he wants to last.. he should make love to her . no woman has the power to make a cum. thats what i think.

    Hope it helps.
    Regards

  117. Instructor CR James | Reply

    thanks chuk…

    so are saying the bigger the better? lol

  118. Chuk | Reply

    You’re welcome bro..

    I guess i love em big..

  119. Joan | Reply

    IMHO you’ve got the right answer!

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