12 Important Skills – For Success With Women

[Update: January 9, 2015 ]

Here are 12 Important skills for having success with women.

Keep in mind, your Skills and your Strategies are two different things.

The best way to understand this is to think about the movies where the crew is about to steal an expensive painting (or a 10 million dollar jewel) from a museum.

To illustrate the difference between Skills & Strategies, let’s listen in on the following conversation that’s already in progress (that involves stealing something very expensive)…

“…blah blah blah let’s meet up at 2:00 AM near the Mario’s Pizza Shack. “Jimbo” and “Tiger Man” are going to climb the wall at 2:18 AM. Me, “Knuckles” and “Smasher” are going to take out the guards at 2:20 AM. And when you here me whistle….blah blah blah…”

That’s an example of a Strategy!

The Skills are things like:

“cracking safes”
“picking locks”
“hacking the computer system”
“charming the smiling receptionist”
“taking out the yawning security guards – quickly and quietly”

That’s the difference between skills and a strategy….just so we’re on the same page.

The strategy often involves a strategic puzzling of skills.

It works the same way with having success with women…

You need to have both: A cool set of strategies + a cool set of skills.

And your strategy will often involve a calculated weaving of KEY SKILLS.

And if we expressed GETTING BETTER in terms of these two things, it’s pretty simple and straight-forward.

On an ongoing basis, you’re going to be:

1. Adding new skills
2. Improving current skills
3. Adding new strategies
4. Improving current strategies

Here are 12 Important Skills that directly impact your success with women.


Don’t take the list lightly. These are 12 simple skills. And if you make it a point to improve each one, you WILL be much better at having a better impact.

Keep in mind, these are not the only skills. In fact, the initial list was 6, then I expanded it to 9 (2 years ago). And now it’s up to 12. I will continue to update this list.

If you have any questions, let me know.

Let’s get started.

Skill #1: Getting key information about her

This is definitely underrated. Success with women (as a dater, as a partner, as a guy getting her back) has everything to do with having the right affect on her which is a lot easier to do when you KNOW on many important levels:

Her desires
Her hobbies
Her dreams
Her beliefs about relationships
Her beliefs about me

 If you’re in a relationship, this includes information about what type of things generally get her turned on (or in an affectionate mindset). It also includes knowing what she finds desirable about you (some guys actually don’t know).

If you’re single and you’re interesting in a particular woman, then you’re going to want to know things like what has worked on her in the past (looking at it from a perspective of: ‘there’s always a process involved – whether she realizes it or not’).

This should help: http://superpowermedia.com/33worksheet.doc (free download worksheet)

Skill #2: Telling stories

This varies from a quick 2-minute recap of an interesting event that took place a few days ago to a more elaborate 20 minute story filled with details, twists, characters and so on just like an actual movie.

When it’s done for strategic purposes…

You can affect her emotional response.
You can affect how you’re perceived.
You can affect how she perceives herself.
You can sexually arouse her.
You can inspire/motivate her.

And on top of that, great conversational story-telling will assist you with other ‘skills’.

Skill #3: Implanting an indirect message within a story/conversation

Although this often works in conjunction with Skill #2, there’s a BIG difference.

And technically, a person could be great at story-telling (from a technical standpoint), but not so great at “injecting an indirect message” within a story.

It’s a different skill.

Imagine meeting a woman for the first time on a date.

You agree to meet her at Mario’s Pizza Shack (the pizza smells amazing – she looks pretty – you see a guy outside dressed in all black taking pictures of the roof). And at some point she says to you in these exact words:

Her: My ex-boyfriend didn’t like the fact that I really enjoyed giving blowjobs and handjobs very often in my relationships. He thought I was obsessed.

Technically, that’s not a completely-crafted story. It’s just a simple statement that implies her relationship philosophy, which is: Give the guy lots of blowjobs/handjobs/sexual-pleasure.

Skill-wise, she could “suck big time” at telling stories.

However, she could be very clever at indirectly “injecting the right message” (key piece of information) within her statements in way that instantly increases her desirability/value as a potential love/gf.

Of course, if she was doing this strategically as a way of building her value, she would have to go through some sort of information gathering phase (Skill #1) or make assumptions based on what a high percentage of guys value.

NOTE: If she is really skilled (and think of this as a tip), she wouldn’t just randomly make a statement like that. She’ll make it based on ‘detecting’ and ‘listening’ that the guy – in his last few relationships – was basically STARVING for sexual adventure.
It’s no different than how we (super desirable guys) we’ll listen for patterns (remember Skill #1) to what what Emotions/Experiences SHE is starving for….and based on that….we’ll smoothly inject a KEY MESSAGE into our statements/comments/stories…at some point. Sometimes immediately. Sometimes the next day or two.

The Guy: Blah blah blah blah well actually no. She didn’t like blow jobs because of blah blah blah
The SKILLED Woman: [The next day] Blah blah blah blah my ex was a jerk. He was mean to small animals. He called me names. He didn’t like the fact that I really enjoyed giving blowjobs and handjobs very often in my relationships. He thought I was obsessed. One day he left me stranded and had the nerve to say blah blah blah…

In our case…we have to pay attention to the emotional needs (and other needs/desires) that our target woman is starving for. We have to listen for these things. We have to ask questions that BRING OUT this information. We enjoy doing this – we get a kick out of knowing that 99% of guys don’t do this – even though it’s simple – it makes sense – and it’s fun (lol).

The Woman: Blah blah blah blah my parents weren’t like that blah blah blah. They didn’t believe in complimenting my sister and I. It always made me strive for their approval blah blah blah all of my ex-boyfriends never complimenting me. I often got bored easily with guys because they didn’t see my true potential blah blah blah.
The SKILLED Guy: [The next day or two] Do you know what I noticed about you. You seem like the type who will blah blah blah and you’re really amazing at XYZ. Out of all of the people I’ve ever known, I don’t think I’ve ever met a person who blah blah blah.

That’s what the skilled guy does.

The SUPER skilled guy will say something like that and actually mean it. He sincerely connects with her (and others) on a real level.  So even though he knows that he’s having a positive impact on her. He also realizes on a basic level that the world needs more people who take the time to listen, connect, appreciate and respect.

And of course – in a very logical way – this is the ‘sensible path’ to VERY RAPIDLY (among other things) building sexual value!

So when the woman ends up (very often) getting so emotionally overwhelmed that she’s RAGING WITH SEXUAL THIRST, it’s not because she ‘thinks’ or ‘has the impression’ that we’re UNLIKE ANY F#&$^ING GUY she has ever experienced!… it’s because we ARE UNLIKE ANY F#&$^ING GUY she has ever experienced!

With that said (again) it’s much better to be great at Skill #3 (Implanting Indirect Messages) than it is to be great at Skill #2 (Telling Stories).

Skill #4: Projecting Traits + Creating Emotional Impact

I decided to group these two together because the ‘methods’ for doing both are generally the same.

I’ll explain.

But first, this falls under the ‘knowing her buttons’ category and being effective at what works consistently.

As you’ll see, most of these skills are driven/executed via a “conversation”.

As a way of making it fun, you can think of all women as having a special combination lock.

So if “Knuckles The Safecracker” utilizes his talents, he will figure out some sequence of numbers (i.e. 34 + 32 + 91) which allows him to get the valuable prize.

If you UNLOCK the right formula for a particular woman, it kind of works the same way.

(In fact in works both ways: I’m sure some women from your past were better at UNLOCKING YOU than other women.)

At any rate, it’s important to know that her “combination lock” is going to be primarily based on 2 things: Traits + Impact.

Stated In Other Ways:

How She Perceives You + How You Make Her Feel
Perceptions + Emotions
Her Beliefs About You + What Type of Emotional Response You Create
What She Thinks About You + What Type of Emotions She Experiences While In Your Presence
Left Brain Hemisphere Success + Right Brain Hemisphere Success [Whole Brain Success]

(The same simple formula stated in different ways to make it crystal clear.)

In order to send the message (directly/indirectly) that you have the Right Traits [Left Brain], it will be based on:

What you say to her & What you do (What she observes: over the long term + over the short term)

In order to create the right impact [Right Brain], it will be based on:

What you say to her & What you do (What she observes: long term + short term)

In other words, your traits has to do with how she describes you to others. So if you just met her and she tells her friends. “Wow. I just met this new guy and he’s FUNNY. He’s CREATIVE. Plus he’s SMART”…

…then it’s normally a result of something you said and something you’ve done to create that impression.

Simple, right?

At any rate, traits are important, but they only represent a part of your overall Sexual Value Score.

You also have to make her FEEL a certain way.

And this is VERY CRITICAL to having a Super Amazing Effect on her.

It’s one of those things that is so simple that it slips by most guys.

But let’s get even simpler…

Read this really slowly ==> “Ideally…you…want…to…create…a…formula…of ..valuable feelings…that…is…unique..to..her

Let’s explain it so that it’s clear.

Let’s say that in the past, she may have fell in love with Bob because he had an amazing way of making her feel trustworthy.

(Note: Some guys are better at getting a woman to experience this sort of FEELING than other guys. In the past her ex-boyfriends treated her like a cheater and they also exhibited other behaviors that sent the message that they didn’t trust her. So when Bob behaves differently it has a nice/pleasurable effect.)

Guy #2: She may have fell in love with “Jimbo The Charmer” because he had an amazing way of making her feel sexy and fun.

(Note: Some guys are better at getting a woman to experience this sort of FEELING than other guys. Sometimes – as guys we get so frustrated that we’re reacting on pure emotion – rather than fully evaluating the impact of our response. For example, a guy who has conversations with his wife about fixing her sex drive may believe deep down inside he’s doing something to help her – but in reality he’s not paying attention to how it makes her feel like she’s broken – unsexy – not good enough. It’s the reason why a woman will have a quote-unquote LOW LIBIDO with a guy she is in a relationship with, then magically she’ll have a HIGH LIBIDO with another. Either she was cured overnight or some guys are better at making a woman feel sexy. In this case, Jimbo The Charmer was great at making her feel sexy/playful/fun.)

Guy #3: She may have fell in love with “Tiger Man” because he had an amazing way of making her feel PERFECT.

(Note: Some guys are better at getting a woman to experience this sort of FEELING than other guys. As you know, the Average Joe seems to be a master at pointing out a woman’s flaws. He thinks he’s helping. In his twisted mind, he even expects her to thank him for pointing these things out. However, he’s clueless to the concept of ‘Different Channels of Perceptions’ – so ironically he only sees things though his own Limited-View channel. He “misses” the fact that in the process she ends up FEELING like she’s not good enough. We could go on and on. The point is: Tiger Man is not only skilled at heisting 18th century paintings, he is also a ‘slick genius’ at making a woman feel as though she is PERFECT.)

Read this really slowly {AGAIN} ==> “Ideally…you…want…to…create…a…formula…of ..valuable feelings…that…is…unique…to…her

Guy #4 = You

These guys don’t compare to YOU. Because if you ever met a woman who fell in love with these guys you would grin – because you know that neither one of them never created “the formula of valuable feelings”.

That’s what I mean by “formula of valuable feelings”.

It’s the combination:

Making her feel trustworthy + making her feel sexy and fun + making her feel PERFECT

In this case, you would create a “heisting her horniness” strategy that involved an ongoing campaign (of various indirect messages) that made her feel:

Making her feel trustworthy + making her feel sexy and fun + making her feel PERFECT

This would be a Brand NEW SPECIAL FEELING (kind of like when you combine the color red + the color purple ==> you end up with a Brand NEW SPECIAL color [Purple]) …and she would only gets this when she’s in your presence.

You can find any woman on earth that is madly in love with a particular guy and in every single case, the result is going to be a combination of valuable traits + a combination of valuable feelings.

When you do this right, she’ll make comments like:

“He makes me feel safe. Plus, he understands me better than anymore. He also makes me feel special, sexy, and unique. He’s the only guy to ever blah blah blah.”

Let’s move on.

We’re not done.

Skill #5: Giving Compliments

One thing you’ll notice is that these skills fuel each other and make it easier to do other skills.

With that in mind, being able to craft the right compliments is ONE WAY to have a powerful EFFECT on her.

It’s a great way of doing the “Creating Good Feelings” part of Skill #4.

However, giving compliments the right way should be treated as a separate skill.

Most guys over-estimate their ability to do this.

They look at it from a one-dimensional perspective. For example, they use a basic template:

You have nice hair.
You’re very pretty.

Of course, they don’t say something this basic, but it’s the basic template that they use.

And I’m not saying it’s super basic because of the simplicity of the sentence structure, I’m referring to the common direct delivery structure.

You see, most of the really good compliments that you’ll end up doing aren’t even framed as compliments. They don’t have the typical “look at me I’m giving you a compliment” template.

In fact, there are ways to do it where the surface topic could be something else.

For example:

You: blah blah blah…that was a nice restaurant that we went to yesterday blah blah blah. We need to definitely go back blah blah blah. By the way, did you notice that guy at the other table checking you. Yeah, I told you that you look super hot in that dress. Well when you went to the restroom the guy in the black suit – do you remember him – well he was staring at your ass so long I thought his wife was going to slap him.

Notice how it’s a story with drama, yet it’s simple.

The template: Let’s do something fun together again. Oh by the way, let me share a secret that you didn’t know about.

That’s just one example that doesn’t have the simple overused format of a compliment.

Also, you don’t always have to make her feel good about physical traits. You can acknowledge/praise “good decisions”, “inner traits”, “accomplishments”, etc.

Focus on a variety of dimensions + play around with different delivery structures & templates.

Bonus effect: It’s important to know that a woman’s identity drives her behavior & actions.

For that reason, compliments also fall in the category (when used strategically and combined with other “mind-management” sub-strategies) of Belief Change.

It’s somewhat of an advanced approach, but it’s simple to do (when you fully understand it).

We’ll discuss this some more in depth at another time.

At any rate…if you condition your wife/girlfriend/new-girl to feel sexy, and feel seductive and feel fun & playful (when she’s in your presence), she’s very likely to (over time) behave consistently with that…

With that in mind, one of the BEST WAYS to make her feel good about herself, build her confidence and condition/change/improve her behavior is via strategic compliments.

And because of that, giving compliments is an important skill.

Skill #6: Making her feel good while she’s in your presence.

This is a more general skill.

Although it’s somewhat overlapping with “Creating Emotional Impact” (from Skill #4), the distinction here is a greater emphasis on “interaction value” related strategies.

In other words, if you created a “strategy” for increasing interaction value, you would need (among other things) to make her feel good via Skill #6.

You should always treat the interaction (whether it’s in person, online, or on the phone) as an imaginary bubble that surrounds you and her. So as crazy as if might sound, the more she enjoys what takes place during this “bubble time” (i.e. more alive she feels, the more fun she has, the more laughs she experiences) the greater the quality of this bubble.

The best analogy for this is doing what good chefs do. They’re great a putting together the right combination of ingredients. In addition to that, they take pride in selecting the QUALITY (and freshness) of the individual ingredients.

Although, giving compliments will often be a reliable method for making her feel good, it’s NOT the only method.

Other ways to make her feel good while in your “magic bubble” presence:

1. Compliments
2. Doing things for her.
3. Doing fun activities together (and sharing new experiences)
4. Gifts
5. Doing pleasurable things TO her (i.e. backrubs, footrubs, kisses, etc.)
6. Sharing enjoyable conversations
7. Helping her put things in perspective (in other words: relief of emotional pain/stress)

Skill #7: Conversational Topic Control

By this I mean the ability to smoothly transition from one topic to another.

This is not the same as ‘talking endlessly’, ‘complimenting’, or ‘telling stories’…

This is totally separate. This has to do with managing the flow of topics.

Conversational Topic Control involves (1) “strategically initiating certain topics” (which is very useful for sexual arousal building) and (2) “strategically changing topics”.

Imagine if you had success with talking about the time you two had yummy hot sweaty nasty fun steamy “teeth-grinding” sex at her grandmother’s house (who was away on vacation for a month) and for some reason you two had a reason to stay there for a few days.

And just so we’re clear I have never screwed in MY grandmother’s house, but I’m not here to judge you my friend – even though that’s kind of weird.

At any rate, in the past (in terms of a discovered “success pattern”) all you had to do is perform a “few sexual tension tactics” followed by a “reminder story” of the yummy hot sweaty nasty fun steamy “teeth-grinding” sex at her grandmother’s house, and the BAM it was on….

However, today as the years have gone by “grandma isn’t around anymore” and you happen to carelessly reference the time when you twp had yummy hot sweaty nasty fun steamy “teeth-grinding” sex at her grandmother’s house and TODAY it triggers the idea that grandma isn’t around anymore – which (understandably) has a way of deflating the mood (and current accumulation of sexual tension points).

With WEAK Conversational Topic Control, the reference of yummy hot sweaty nasty fun steamy “teeth-grinding” sex at her grandmother’s house ==> will transition into a 2 hour long emotional conversation about her grandmother.

I’m not suggesting that there aren’t times when you should allow her to talk about personal feelings.

That’s a separate topic.

The point here is that someone who is fairly skilled @ Skill #7 [Conversational Topic Control] is able to minimize ’emotional topics’ to a few minutes.

And then he’s able ‘smoothly navigate her focus’ in the direction of more upbeat/happy/sexy/fun/giggling topics.

If she comes to you and says that she wants to talk about some sort of emotional experience, then you should be there for her without any sort of game plan based on minimizing the discussion or cutting her off.

That’s not what this skill is about.

This has more to do with avoiding saying things that trigger topics that get her angry with you, sad, negative.

The skill is about avoiding anti-interaction value.

If you’re bringing up too many topics that remind her (or get her to think) of things that make her experience sadness, disgust, anger and other negative emotions, then it could negative impact the “interaction bubble”.

In moderation it doesn’t harm you at all. It’s normal.

But way too much can accidentally create a negative association.

And although with this example we’re talking about preserving sexual tension points, in other applications this skill works for stress management, cheering her up, building her confidence, getting her to look at the bright side, etc.

It’s an important skill.

Moving along…

Skill #8: Response Tactics.

To understand this you have to pretend that you’re about to have some sort of conversation designed to send a positive (sexual value increasing) message.

You already know ahead of time what you’re going to say. And at the right time, you end up saying it.

Afterwards, she gives you this special look – kind of like she’s admiring you a little more. (You nailed it.) Congratulations, you just got 50 glowing Sexual Value points placed in your front pocket.

However….10 seconds later she says (with a confused look on her face)…”But what about XYZ?” (essentially she’s challenging what you just said).

(Uh oh!)

You’re stuck. You can’t think of how to respond. You start stuttering….ummm….well… ummm…

And you don’t really have a good response.

And all of those ‘warm happy smiling points’ you had wiggling around in your front pocket, have now turned into cold sad faces. And they increasing become more and more transparent and less solid until they have completely dematerialized (in other words: you just lost all of the Sexual Value points you just earned.)

That’s an example of a scenario showing the negative impact of a weak response.

The good news is you’ll generally improve this skill (without directly attempting to) as a result of being (1) a quality guy and (2) understanding her.

The more you continue to do both, the more skilled you be at response tactics.

Let’s illustrate this with two examples.

For example, let’s say that Person A discovers that his woman (for whatever reason) admires a guy who is thoughtful and considerate.

In fact, the conversation goes like this:

Person A: There was a time when I rescued a kitten from a tree blah blah blah…
The woman: What did you do with the kitten after you got it down from the tree?
Person A: I gave it to a little girl in the neighborhood. She hugged me and said thank you.
The woman: awwwww. That’s so sweet.

Now imagine if the conversation went like this (with Person B).

See if you can spot the subtle difference. (You may need to re-read it a few times to spot it.)

Person B: There was a time when I rescued a kitten from a tree blah blah blah…
The woman: What did you do with the kitten after you got it down from the tree?
Person B: ummm….well… ummm… I forgot.
The woman: Seriously? You actually forgot what happened after that?
Person B: ummmm…yeah… I know… maybe I kept it.
The woman: What? Maybe you kept it???
Person B:  No I said I gave it away ….um yeah… to a little girl in the neighborhood.

For the record I tend to avoid judging how people attempt to have success with women. Different approaches work for different people.

To me, the best approach tends to be one that is ‘highly strategic and more insightful that what most people think about’ + honest & real

That’s what I mean by the good news is you’ll generally improve this skill (without directly attempting to) as a result of being (1) a quality guy and (2) understanding her.

Person B fails in both categories. Number 1 – he’s clearly lying. And Number 2, he clearly doesn’t understand the woman he’s talking to because he wasn’t able to anticipate her likely response.

And in this case, it makes sense that Person A (even if he’s not generally a ‘faster thinker’ than Person B) ended up doing a better job at Skill #8 [Response Tactics] because he just told her an honest story based on something that really happened.

…while Person B was clearly lying and attempting to create the ‘impression’ of being the type of guy who rescued a helpless animal from a tree.

If you’re generally a quality guy and you can kind of ‘anticipate her likely responses’ you’re pretty skilled at Skill #8 (The Responding Skill) whether you realize it or not.

Skill #9: Preparation & Execution.

This skill is like the Grandfather Skill of Skills.

Success (with everything) is based on Preparation + Execution.

A really good boxer will generally do a bunch of stuff to PREPARE (before the match).
– jogging
– lifting weights
– practicing moves and punches
– studying the opponent

And he’ll also EXECUTE (during the match) really well.
– sticks with the game plan
– is patient
– avoids punches well
– makes ‘in fight’ adjustments.

This is just one example.

… if there was a classroom filled with people who wanted to learn how to build birdhouses.

There would be a difference between the guy who is absorbing every second of the instructions and taking notes — and — the guy who is yawning, playing with his shirt buttons, fidgeting, tapping on his empty soda can and looking around at everyone else in the class (while everyone’s eyes are glued to the instructor so they don’t even notice him).

Having a sharp outlook and willingness to “fully absorb” ==> “create a game plan” ==> “EXECUTE” is one of those SKILLS that anyone can do – because it’s purely effort-based.

In general, I don’t see any wrong with the guy who builds a shitty bird house and then afterwards he’s honest enough to admit that he didn’t pay attention to the instructions.

At least he understands the Law of Preparation and Execution.

On the other hand, he’s not the same as the guy who metaphorically builds a shitty birdhouse and then gets upset when he sees someone else with neatly constructed birdhouse.

He kind of throws his hands in the there and shakes his head like he caught a raw deal.

The thought that he flopped in preparation and proper execution NEVER NEVER NEVER for one measly second entered his brain – which on one hand is somewhat amazing.

It’s almost as if the angry guy never thought about the guy with the amazing birdhouse. It’s like he never looked at it from his perspective. Because when you think about it – if he spent the extra time and energy to go above and beyond what the typical guy does (in terms of preparation and execution), in a way doesn’t he DESERVE to have neatly build birdhouse?

Preparation and execution is like the Grandfather Skill of all skills.

Skill #10: Keeping a Steady Conversation Going

If there are too many awkward silences, then it messes up the momentum of the conversation. It messes up the signals you send and the resulting perception-based and emotional impact.

A steady flowing (interesting) conversation creates emotional pleasure all by itself.

From time to time there will be a few awkward silences, it’s big deal. It’s not hurting you. It’s normal.

At the same time, you want to constantly get better at talking endlessly (if you need to).

Humans are social creatures. And more importantly in this regard, women (at least most) really enjoy having a quality conversation.

You’ve probably heard a woman (once or twice) mention how she ended up talking to a new guy (that she likes) for hours on the phone – or hours in the park – or how they were at his place sitting on the sofa talking for hours.

Skill #11: Increasing Sexual Tension
(getting her aroused and/or creating ‘additive’ chemistry)

When I was younger I remember having this ‘nice guy game plan’ that somehow emerged – it was designed to show the girl that I wasn’t interested at all in trying to get the ‘furry yum yum’.

And just in case it’s not obvious, that’s my playful and semi-corny name for pussy. Basically, I figured since all of the girls always complaining and whining about guys only caring about getting sex from them, then I just be the guy who doesn’t even try at all!

(Yeah. That should work!)

(Actually, let’s change that to VERY corny. lol)

And she’ll be soooooo impressed that I was a “good boy” that I’ll be rewarded with aaaaallllllll the pussy I can handle!!

(Guess What? It didn’t work.)

But I kept doing it.

And I now have an interesting theory to why I kept doing it over and over again even though it never worked. I could be wrong, but my theory is I think aliens must have abducted me in my sleep and removed a large portion of my brain.

That’s the only rational explanation I can come up with.

Here’s what happens when you talk to a woman on the phone a lot – without ever talking about sex – hooking up – or defining yourself strategically (or even accidentally) from a position of ‘sexual desirability’…

You just end up being pretty much like another girl she talks to.

Even if you has sex appeal in the beginning… you’ll just end up TRAINING HER to look at you – and think of you – as being a GUY WITH NO SEXUAL VALUE.

There are not too many areas of life where “huge success” takes place – without any sort of effort.

There are not too many areas of life where success just falls in your lap.

No one is just going to walk up to Jimbo, Tigerman, Smasher and Knuckles and say, “here you go. I stole this 10 million dollar jewel for you – you can have it.”

They’re going to have to apply SKILLS and STRATEGY.

…just like us.

We’re going to have  STRATEGIES FOR: (A) Building Confidence, (B) Making her laugh (C) Talking Endlessly (D) Giving Her Compliments [especially… the feelings and ‘ways she wants to be perceived… that she is STARVING FOR] (E) Building Sexual Value (F) Building Sexual Tension [Triggering Sexual Desire] (G) Being a quality guy

As far as G – that has to do with being a reliable guy, a good character guy, a guy she can depend on and stuff like that.

When we merge A though G (among other things)… it actually makes sense when we become UNLIKE ANY GUY she has ever experienced!

On the flip side, it ALSO makes sense when we see some guys who never get success…

No strategies + No action = No results.

For example, this is something that would never happened.

A guy (who never approaches women – and he never sets up a dating profile or anything that would create an opportunity for some sort of interaction with women) is sitting on his sofa late one night watching a re-broadcast of a sporting event. And out of nowhere a pretty girl with pigtails and very short shorts knocks on his door – he opens with a look of shock on his face. She barges in and says “I’m lost”. She then starts removing the guy’s clothes and starts having sex with him smiling the whole time without saying a word. She’s having the time of her life. Orgasm after orgasm. She’s ready to pass out. When it’s over, she says him, “I love you”. I’ve never met a guy like you before. And then says “Thank you sir. I hope you will call me sometime” , writes down her phone number and then leaves.

I’m not sure if something like that has ever happened before. lol. You know – where the harmless pretty woman has no regard for her safety – falls in love based on no logical reason – just randomly knocks on the guy’s door (even though he didn’t take reasonable actions to meet a woman) – she ends up getting really turned on – even though he never attempted to apply any sort of sexual tension tactic – she ends up reacting as if he had an amazing impact on her – even though he never listened to her, complimented her, made her feel special/unique, laughed with her, shared hours/days/weeks of fun conversations.

At any rate, a guy simply can not have success with a woman without taking proper/logical actions.

Massive Success doesn’t just fall in a person’s lap.

Even in relationships, the fact that she loves him is not enough. He has to increase his Sexual Tension Building Skills….otherwise, they’ll just be married and not having sex.

If he doesn’t have a sexual tension building strategy and she’s not doing any self-created ‘ST-building’  – i.e. reading romantic novels, fantasizing about him, or anything else, she’s not going to just randomly want sex.

It’s always best to assume that success will never fall in your lap.

She might from time to time give him ‘guilt sex’, but that’s not the same as her wanting/craving sex (via some sort of process).

Skill #12: Initiating Sex

Most guys don’t think of initiating sex as a skill. They just see it as a way of asking for it.

It’s to a guy’s benefit to see it as an ‘initiation strategy’ vs. ‘a 5 second way of asking for it’.

If it makes sense that a woman who is Level 8 horny (10 being super ‘body squirming’ horny) is more likely to SAY YES to a guy’s request to have sex, then if she was Level 2 horny (1 being completely cold)…

…then it’s reasonable to think that ‘the way the guy asks for it’ sends a message.

It’s never JUST as direct as “do you want to have sex?”

That’s the question the guy thinks he’s asking.

In reality she’s hearing:

“Give me some pussy right now. I’m horny.”
“Be a good wife. And do your wifely duties” (which frames sex as “work”. It’s no mystery why when some women tell a guy ‘no’ it has the energy as if she’s calling in for work with a fake excuse.)

Imagine if you wanted a woman to scratch your back for a few seconds because you had a nagging itch.

However, when you go to ask a particular woman to scratch it for you, she says “Yeah I’ll scratch it. But only if you buy me the necklace of my choice, wash my car every Friday for a year, paint my fingernails, and say please one hundred times.”

If you have an ounce of self-respect you wouldn’t agree to this deal regardless of how strong your URGE was.

And it’s because the backrub has a “bad theme”.

By agreeing, you would be framing yourself as the pathetic guy with no self-respect.

You would say to her: “Seriously? That’s ok. You don’t have to scratch my back. I’m fine.”

If that makes sense, then it should be easy to understand why a Horny Woman (who has an URGE to have sex) would tell a guy NO if the THEME IS BAD.

Just because she’s horny doesn’t mean she’s willing to feel ‘cheap’ or accept a BAD SEX THEME in the process.

With all of that said, there are more dimensions to initiating sex then the simple arrangement of words that communicate that you’re interested in having sex.

And this is an important skill (and when combined with the other skills) it’s often the difference between the guy who has sex 1-2 per month and the guy who has sex 8-22 times per month.

Of course, you’re not aware of there are a set of skills, it’s easy to be the “bad birdhouse guy” and say “hey no fair”.

I use to be that guy.

It felt natural to blame her for not being turned on and not responsibly managing her libido.

As you learn, grow and your perspective sharpens, it becomes natural to evaluate how SKILLED you are at:

  • Getting information from her.
  • Making her feel special
  • Projecting traits
  • Strategically Managing topics
  • Implanting Indirect Messages (that reshapes how she sees you)(and how she feels about you)
  • Doing things that increase sexual tension (prior to initiating sex)
  • Have enjoyable conversations
  • Initiating sex strategically (being mindful on the theme and other indirect messages)
  • etc

At any rate, those are 12 useful skills. Give yourself a grade for each one if you want.

CR James

Helpful/Useful Resources

1. How To Talk Endlessly

2. 73 Ways To Make Her Laugh

3. 32 Ways To Initiate Sex

4. 7 Ways To Get Her Horny (The Pirate Seduction Methods)

RSS Feed for This Post7 Comment(s)

  1. Roger | Reply

    I had problem with my wife last year, our relatioship became cold! now we’re going out
    lunch almost everyday becasue all our kids are
    in college, the problem for us is that we’re not sleeping in the same bedroom for a while.
    It seems to me that we’re ok, but I don’t know
    how to initiate sex! I know it’s not good to
    ask if we can have sex, which will ruin all my
    effort! please advise.

  2. Instructor CR James | Reply

    First of you have to set up new rules for initiating sex.

    #1. Don’t initiate sex until you have at least done SOMETHING:
    – to get in her in a happier mindset
    – to build sexual tension
    – to build your short-term sexual value (a simple strategy: be pleasant to be around, have a sense of humor, demonstrate that you expect things to go your way, etc.)

    #2. Once you’ve done SOMETHING (and the point is to get in the habit of doing SOMETHING that will affect how she feels in combination with SOMETHING that affects how you are perceived – because those two things are the difference between a “no. not tonight” and “smiling YES”.)…you want to initiate a sexual gateway (instead of “asking her for sex” as if she’s doing you a favor). A gateway (as first coined in Super Seduction Power) is an activity that can easily be converted into sex (i.e. a backrub, taking a shower together, cuddling, etc.).

    Those are 2 simple rules/tactics to start with.

    However, the main thing you should attempt to do is figure out WHY she doesn’t want it.

    Is it an energy/tiredness problem on her end?
    Is it a time/availability problem?
    Is it a “major issue going on” problem?
    Is it a sexual value problem?
    Is it a health problem?
    Is it a patience problem? (initiating sex too fast in the sexual tension building phase. As women/people get older they often need MORE SEDUCTIVE FIREPOWER. It actually has less to do with the age, and more to do with IMPACT. When you’re 13 years old a girl could flash her tits and you would have an instant erection. After a few decades, that’s not enough to get you fired up. The same thing works with women. So if you have sexual value, you may need to do some creative things to plant the “sexual tension” seeds and have the patience to allow the process to work.

  3. Bert De Vore | Reply

    I have taken a different path with my wife. She told me that I didn’t know how to seduce women. This is correct or why would I would be here for help? All my life I did not how to take women to bed. I stopped being needy and more confident thanks to your advice. She also told me that she loved me but desire is asking too much. Where did I hear that? Lack of sexual value?
    She is tired, not interested, has a headache, back ache or just not in the mood. I read your advice where you say I can go to someone else(I have someone but not interested in sex either), leave her(I adore her) or just learn from all your advice. I opt for the the last one. However, I suffer both from anorgasmia and have prostate cancer to boot. But forward and upward.
    Thank you for everything you write.

  4. Instructor CR James | Reply

    Hey Bert,

    You’re welcome…And first of all, I wish you much success with booting the cancer.

    As far as just focusing on ‘not being needy’ and ‘having more confidence’ that’s a simple strategy yet a powerful one to start with.

    As far as having more confidence, sometimes the game plan can be as simple as:
    – deciding to having more confidence
    – deciding to focus more on what makes you an amazing individual (your traits, your accomplishments)
    – deciding to remove the fear and insecurities (a lot of times this can be done by REALLY thinking about the fear/insecurity and looking at in from a different perspective)
    – and having the mindset that you expect things to go your way (it’s very powerful) – i’ve had a few situations in my life (and I know of others who have had this experience, too) where my mindset was so confident that things were going to go my way that it defied logic…

  5. HK | Reply

    Hello James, a big thank you 2 for helping me with your newsletters. Your stuffs is really great!

  6. hsb | Reply

    a big thanks
    i was amazed by your sincerity and simplicity in helping married men to get back their marital life

  7. Instructor CR James | Reply

    thanks HK and hsb. i appreciate that…

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  • Emails

    Hey Mr. James,

    Thanks a lot for a month back. The super compliments work like a charm! The girl I had issues with is now all over me. We are closer than ever before, and she is doing so many nice things for me. It is unbelievable the nice things she does for me.

    Just yesterday, she drove down 1.5 hours from her home to come with me to a Broadway show. Best of yet, she paid for the tickets!!! Unbelievable!!! I don't know what to say. It happened.

    Those super compliments have also been handy with other women. I am in a class with a bunch of GORGEOUS women, and these women have taken a further interest in me. A lot of them are offering themselves up like candy.

    Super compliments with super seduction powers and lust buttons for the win!!!

    [Read More Emails]
  • Emails

    Hi CR,

    thanks! I am doing amazingly well!

    In fact, I was just about to write to you a little note with a bit of feedback.

    The Secret Pattern brings everything to a new level. But not from 2 or 3 to 4.... IT is like going to level 7 or 8.

    I have started using it 7 days ago and although there are some other things going on I am sure it plays a big part.

    I have [done something] every day ( ????, ????, ????, ????...etc.) I had planned to increase the intensity for two hours but never managed to get to the end... and we ended up having long love making sessions every single night with increasing intensity.

    She tells me every night that she is getting addicted to it and how happy she is to have found her man....(her words)

    I don't even put much planning in it... The pattern is easy to repeat and then I just choose the ingredients for the night when i come home...

    So, 10 out of 10 for this one!!!!

    [Read More Emails]
  • Emails

    Thanks James, Really appreciate the response and info.

    I’ve been reading the part of MFM and I find it so much along my line of thoughts and observations since I’ve been married these past 12 years. Like you I have been obsessive about how I can make my wife want me and desire me more often and I totally agree with the persona thing, health, and creating the right atmosphere, etc.

    It really works because I don’t believe I’ve ever been turned down unless she was on her period, had the flu, etc., she really is a great partner for me…

    I mean we have sex on an average of 1/day, seriously I not trying to brag, but maybe some couples have it more often…I don’t really know.

    It’s what I’ve watched and learned about her and it is true when these things are clicking she becomes more mentally in “the mood” to have sex.

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    I am a Mensa and my wife was a systems analyst before she retired.

    I am spending my energies on trying to see and hear what is real.

    This is what I have gotten in the first 26 pages. I am really getting to the point of all this great recommendation. Or perhaps I should just tell you the problem I have been having in my life – because I firmly believe that if I can completely solve just one thing and understand it fully I will understand everything. (otherwise nothing is connected and this is impossible). …

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  • Emails

    I love being better equipped to figuring out what’s going on in a woman’s head (things even she doesn’t know are going on) and watching (sometimes with frightening predictability) the responses to what I’m doing or saying… press this button, does this; press that button, does that… mmm wonder what happens if I press em both at once… ;) If you’ve got any other material out since I purchased SSP, def interested – I’m sending a mate or two, and both my brothers, your way too.

    Dunno whether you’ve considered translating any of it, but my old man does freelance translating into both french and spanish!

    Seriously, the world needs this.

    but you knew this already…

    Anyway, if you want an endorsement for your page or whatever, all I could say is this…

    Is your wife/girlfriend, or more importantly, *your* life, worth more than 40 bucks?

    If not hit the little cross in the corner of your browser :)

    thanks again
    Cool Bruce ******

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  • Emails

    Hi CR,

    Just wanted to say thanks for all the reports you send, I really enjoy your writings and your sense of humor in presenting them.

    I have purchased most of your books online Thanks for your time, B.M.

    Greenville SC

    PS I did practice some of your techniques and saw alot of success with them,also had a lot of fun with them.

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  • Emails

    “WOW! Your material is excellent.

    I have bought a lot of seduction books because being by nature an introvert I realized that my interpersonal skills were a weakness that could keep me from achieving my goals. Anyway, the mind state theory you have is CRAZY. I [do a secret technique] and when I go out I can feel women drawn tome, INSANE.

    I tried an experiment yesterday with mind state when I went out for breakfast. The cute waitress kept her hand on my shoulder the entire time she was around my table. I have two questions. [removed]


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  • Emails

    CR James

    Thank you for your material!

    Your techniques have already given me amazing progress!

    I actually have had two different girls (an 8 and a 9) come up to me and say there was something different they liked about me but didn't know what it was. If I wasn't using your material to try and save my marriage I would be out dating hot babes right now instead of emailing you.

    Thank you for being one of the few guys out there that help men find the knowledge they really need to build a happy balanced relationship.

    Your material more than pays for itself in the first day.

    My self confidence has sky rocketed 200%!!!

    You’re a life saver,

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  • Emails

    Thank you very much!!! Now, on to driving my wife crazy with orgasms… oh, by the way – a little philosophy of mine…

    She’s 47, hot, but her libido has dropped in the last 2 years. I’m doing things to attract her sexually and emotionally – [by doing all of the things mentioned in Super Seduction Power] I lovingly look out for her interests continually, but sometimes let her be independent and ‘do things on her own’. We do fun and adventurous things, and travel some, too.

    It’s true – women want [a man to be a Certain Way]

    I have found that it’s so important for a man to be older and more experienced in everything – including sex, and to do things right from the beginning – for the respect, love, kindness, fun, and sex in the relationship. The saying…“Women are like carpet, and need to be laid right the first time”. Has some truth to it.

    Whether he knows it or not, the man sets the tone for how the woman responds to him, how much she will respect and admire him, value him, and for how well she responds to him sexually. Wives must literally be ‘broke in right’, and taught how to respond to a loving caring, manly, and sexual man. A woman who learns to trust him – because he is trustworthy; and give herself completely and happily to him sexually because he knows how to attract, seduce, and sexually drive her wild is a very blest little honey with a very wise man.

    That’s the path I’m on. She is pretty well trained. I love my wife, and want to totally screw her brains out – with her enjoying every bit of it. The goal of every husband – or it should be!

    Thanks for your kindness and great customer service!


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  • Emails

    Hi CR

    If you are interested to know, things have moved so fast!

    I am absolutely hooked on your stuff.Am about a quarter of the way thru your main [Super Seduction Power] book and have been applying a few things.

    She said there was nothing in the report she would fall for but after that she became freakin’ ravenous!

    -During dinner asked me what my biggest sexual fantasy was and when I told her she said yes she would enjoy it

    - Proceeded to tell me she would do anything other than anal but wanted to be tied up and taken

    - After dinner she dragged me into the bedroom and gave me a blow job (first one since, sheesh, I can’t remember when!)

    - We then went to the mall for a while, on the way there she tells me we should hire some XXX DVDs from the video shop and watch them at the weekend (this after going ape-shit once after finding an old porn mag I had stashed under a bookcase!)

    - Got home and she shoves me down on the coach - another blow job

    - Then disappears into the bedroom and comes back with a draw full of sex toys (that we hadn’t used since I can’t remember when)

    - Jumps on top of me and rides herself silly

    - Races off to the bedroom again and comes back with a pair of red high-heeled shoes. She puts these on as then that makes her the perfect height for her to bend herself over the arm of coach while I then have my way with her!

    Lets say I’m now looking forward to the weekend.


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  • Emails

    Dear Mr. James,

    I just have to write and tell you something.

    You have changed my life.

    Let me explain. I am a good looking, physically fit, successful, 37 year old man. I have no trouble meeting women.

    But after 11 years of friendship I came to realize that I could never settle down with any woman because I would always compare them to my best friend.

    She is a beautiful, successful woman, who I have a strong connection to. For years our friends wondered out loud how come we didn't date...I was at the end of my rope but after some hesitation I bought your materials.

    Thank you thank you thank you, Mr. James.

    We are now exclusively dating each other and we both are very happy. And, I just bought your new reports...and we just had the best sex ever!

    She came on to me so hard, it was so out of her character. But I just followed your techniques and they worked like a charm.

    It is amazing how I do the things you suggest wondering "is this really going to work" then I get the results just as you say.

    So glad I found you and had the balls to purchase. If all those guys looking for miss right at these on line dating services would just spend 1 month enrollment fee on your books, they would never have to waste a dime on those dating sites.

    Good for you Mr. James.

    But better for us. Thanks Again. I look forward to your new books. You better e-mail me any time you write something new.

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  • Emails

    Hi CR,

    First off, thank you very much for replying to me. You must be a pretty busy guy, and getting this kind of support from you is amazing.

    I have purchased a couple of your products, and I like them. I particularly like the way you break down your ideas conceptually, rather than the ‘this technique’ and ‘that technique’ approach that is so common.

    I’ve read over what you have written a couple of times, with a day or two between readings to take the time to ponder it a bit.

    Truthfully, you make more sense to me than any other counselor I’ve been to.

    I’ve also tended to read a lot of relationship stuff in the past couple of years in an attempt to be a better partner myself, and those I consider to be the best pretty much echo what you say, though none say it so humanly or so precisely (and frankly, none of them are as interesting, either!)

    D. F.

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  • Emails

    Hey CR James It's Richardo from Jamaica its been a long time since I emailed you.

    I really love your reports dude and I think your a fucking master mind at hacking chicks brains.

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  • Emails

    Hey CR

    I finally got my girl back. I used those techniques on her...

    The next time I saw her she admitted she couldn't stop thinking about me, even while she was on holiday.

    Im gonna re-read all your reports now, also, can you give any extra tips, so I dont lose her again?

    I honestly cannot thank you enough, you are a genius!

    If anyone has any doubts about your work, they need their head testing!!!!



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