[Busted] Did his girlfriend cross the line?

I need your intellectual assistance…
(if you don’t mind)

This guy emailed me about a *UNIQUE* problem
that he is having with his Girlfriend…

Maybe you’ve been in this situation before
(I don’t know)…

Let me know how HE should handle this.

(I’ve never had to deal with this with
ANY girl I’ve been with…)

His email is in green (below)

Hey CR…

I had a feeling for a while that there was something not right going on with my gf.
So I tricked her by making a false profile on the internet and gaining her trust as a girl.

My gf is bisexual, so I asked some things and she asked me to come to her, because she wanted to trie to have sex with a girl.

She never did it before… well the girl was actually me, so when I told her that, she lost it.

She called me and started to cry and yell that she was sorry.

Now I don’t have any trust in her anymore. She now says that I am the only one and she doesnt want anyone else.

She calls me a lot telling she is sorry and never do it again. But how can I believe her? I just hope she really is sorry

Now my question is: If she is like this… will she do it again? because I really like her, but if I have to be insecure then no thanks.

What are the possibilities if I continue with her? I don’t really know what is in her mind.

When she asked that other girl (me) she also said that she did never want to lose me.

So she does love me, but has or had some urge to do it with a girl… she even said to the girl that she would share her with me if she had to, but preferred to do it alone with her.

What do you think about this story CR? Can you give me some advice about what is going on in her mind?

Kind Regards


Hey [Alex]

do you have the actual conversation… like a cut and paste of it…

if so…i like to see it….




This is the conversation. I am the xx and gf is my girl. Tell me what you think about it.

xx: hi

gf: hi

xx: I have never seen a girl my age who is bisexual. it’s cool 🙂
how come you are 1?

gf: well I just like to look at girls, like butt and tits, so I know that I like them, but I do have a bf, so I am not lesbian.

xx: ever had sex with a girl? I never did, but I would like to try.

gf: No never, and I can’t cheat, because my bf will leave me.

xx: maybe he is ok with it, if you ask him. Do you love him?

gf: Sure I love him

xx: So you are happy with how it is?

gf: well I do want to try it with a girl, but I don’t plan on cheating.
He did say that I could if he was there with me, but I think that’s kind of embarrassing.

xx: Why do you think that is embarrassing?

gf: I don’t know. I am a shy girl.

xx: and would you do it with a girl, or are you shy then too?

gf: how do you mean?

xx: if a pretty girl asks you to do it with her. what would you do?

gf: I would attack her xD

xx: and you would not care what your bf thinks?

gf: Yes I would, but I will try to keep it a secret, so he does not find out

xx: so you want to cheat

gf: actually yes

xx: daring

gf: without him finding out of course

xx: and if he finds out?

gf: then my life ends. he will leave me and say farewell

xx: then you can just take the girl right?

gf: hmmmnnnyee

xx: you don’t want that? you just want to do it once with a girl?

gf: actually I want it both

xx: what? a guy and a girl?

gf: yes. you know what he told me?

xx: well?

gf: he said that if I wanted to do it with a girl then do it. I got a bit sad. we talked and he said that if I wanted it then a girl could join the relationship but she will be of us both and not mine.

xx: so you would live with 3 together? do you want that?

gf: if I must

xx:how do you mean? rather have them separated?

gf: actually yes

xx: and if your bf would do it to her? how would you feel?

gf: I would be stinkin jealous!

xx: and would you break up?

gf: no. I would just join xD

xx: and if the girl does not want that?

gf: then I will talk with my bf

xx: and what would you rather?

1 have a relation with your bf…
2 a relation with your bf and a girl separated
3 a relation with you and your bf getting another girl
4 cheating

gf: 2 or 3

xx: so you do want a girl? xD  maybe you should talk with your bf about it

gf: I will talk with hem but I am scared that he loses it.

xx: he did say that he was ok with it right?

gf: do you stay at home during hollidays?

xx: yes why?

gf: nothing xD

xx: want to get a date?

gf: maybe..ok yes I admit

xx: alright I am ok with it. I will stay quiet

gf: ok

xx: what do you want to do?

gf: we shall see. where do you live?

xx: (place near my gf)

gf: (place)

xx: and where do you want to meet?

gf: at the park and then go to my house
my bf is away on holliday so he can’t come

xx: and you wont tell him?

gf: no I wont

xx: and we do it in the park?

gf: no we will do it at home

xx: well I have to admit something: I am a friend of your bf an I set you up 😉

gf: WHAT?

xx: lets see what he is going to think about this?


Then she called me saying she did the most stupid thing in her life and she doesn’t want it anymore, she just wants me etc.
I said that I don’t know and that if I would give her another chance, then I would not trust her anymore and if she does it again then it is over.

what do you think?

we talked a lot after that… mostly about how stupid she was… she said she didn’t want it anymore and loves me soooo much.

Kind Regards


(So let me know what he should do. Is it possible that she wouldn’t have done it? Was it just fantasy talk? Maybe you’ve been in a situation like this before… Let me know… You can you either send your response to my email at crjames100@gmail.com or just comment on the post)

RSS Feed for This Post79 Comment(s)

  1. Dave | Reply

    If his g/f having sex with another girl is a problem, then he should just drop her and move on.

    Actually, neither of them is likely to trust the other again. He doesn’t trust her, because she went behind his back (or tried to) with another “girl.” She won’t trust him because he “spied on her.”

    If he wants to keep her, he should have either a) not mentioned that he was the “girl” she was talking to, b) taken the initiativee to set up a 3some, or c) both.

    He has boxed himself in. By handling it the way he has, he has to decide whether to take her back or not. The ball is in his court. If he’s going to take her back, he is in effect sending the message that her behavior was okay (or at least not that bad). If he takes her back, the trust is gone, and I wouldn’t give them six months. If he isn’t going to take her back, he should just break it off now.

  2. Paul | Reply

    I think that the girl should just dump the stupid bf. What a silly game. Most guys (older guys?) would love to have a girl that likes girls too. Of course the two girls should meet alone the first time. Any real guy could swing the threesome later and full time if it all works. What is wrong with the insecure bf? Obviously he did not trust her in the first place to do what he did. True love is totally blind to the possibility of a problem. What he wants is a possession not a partner and she should move on.


  3. Instructor CR James | Reply

    thanks for the response….

    i appreciate the insight paul…. so they should meet first to get comfortable with each.. and then he should try to join in… he did say that he was ok with a 3 some… what you’re saying seems like it could help with his overall goal…

  4. SuperRO | Reply

    What’s up my man CR.. before anything else, let me just say.. you rock!!

    Now being that out of the way..


    I never had anything like this happened to me but, if the potential “cheating” situation happens with another guy, the answer is simply.. DUMP THE B*TCH!!

    But here the story is totally different.. this dude may just have found the holy grail of relationships: AN OPEN-RELATIONSHIP WITH A HOT LESBIAN!

    Come on.. here the answer is pretty much easy: THIS DUDE SHOULD GO ON A MÉNAGE À TROIS CRUSADE!!

    Trust.. no trust.. who cares? Life’s too f*cking short! Get the girl and as many other girls that you can in the same bed at the same time!!!

    Just think about it, in a couple of years from now many relationships may come and go.. and most of them will go unnoticed.. but a MÉNAGE À TROIS CRUSADE.. now that’s is something you will remember for your the rest of your life!

    And I can pretty much bet my ass.. it will change the way you see yourself and relationships FOREVER!!



  5. GlennP | Reply

    I do think that she will eventually do it again so my advice would be to let her go and hopefully she’ll find what she truly wants.

  6. Instructor CR James | Reply

    What’s up Super RO!

    Thanks man. I appreciate that…

    LOL @ Get the girl and as many other girls that you can in the same bed at the same time!!!

    (keep life simple, right?)

  7. Alan | Reply

    She is not being unusal in her fantasies and if he plays it right, it can be a very erotic time for him AND her. She has a strong fantasy and is willing to talk about it with anohter girl but is afraid of his reaction to it. He can now take this anywhere he wants to go with it except for changing her into something she is not. She might still have the desire to bed a girl which is not a crime in itself but if he tries to enforce exclusivity on her then she will do it behind his back anyway. We are all sexual creatures, sex is what we do. He should explore her sexuality in the way she wants to play it and they can both benefit from it.

    Look at it this way: If there is something you don’t like, and there is nothing you can do to change it, then change the way you think about it.

    I can think of far worse fates than getting two lovely girls into bed with me. She loves him, that much is clear. She also wants to try girl girl sex. And the problem is?


  8. Instructor CR James | Reply

    it seems like she’s going to eventually bang a chic at some point…

  9. Alan | Reply

    I think it will only be a problem to him if he thinks that he will be outdone in the pleasure department. Tell him to up his game and stay in front. Seriously pleasuring TWO girls is some trip, I can tell you.


  10. Shane | Reply

    This guy is bad news. I certainly hope he leaves her for her sake.

    I run into this type of thing ALL the time.

    And I have a myspace page with around 2500 bisexual females
    all who have stories that relate.

    Just had to chyme in real quick. I don’t have tons of time at
    the moment to put together more thoughts.


  11. Instructor CR James | Reply

    that’s interesting shane…

    send me the page when you get a chance

  12. Jeff | Reply

    I’m going to try and keep this as short as possible since time is not really something of a luxury for me right now but I have to agree with the comments of Super RO and Shane.

    This guy is bad news, he obviously has an underlying reason for this insecurity. I could understand if it was another guy but any normal straight guy would be love the idea, if not at least be open to the idea, of girl on girl.

    As for Super’s comment, way to put it man!! If you got it enjoy it :). Life is just to short.

    PS. If I were him I would so be getting in on this action 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Enough said, I hope that helps.

  13. joe | Reply

    She had already made it clear to him that she was interested sexually in women . He more or less agreed that it would be ok,, on his terms .I don’t believe she really did anything wrong. I’m sure she was not ready to commit to this , she was just feeling the waters and seeing if the possibility was there . he new about her desires and went out of his way to entrap her, pushing her over the edge by arranging the meeting.Its all about control for him. she obviously has no desire to be with another man there for I do not believe her intent was to cheat, she has a itch that he cant scratch, and she was honest in letting him know how she felt.. this whole thing has nothing to do with there relationship. dont feel she is trying to deceive him just fulfill one of her fantasies.If he doesn’t let her try the experience, eventually the relationship will flounder. Its not like she isnt happy with him and the sex they have together. but she has bisexual fantasies she needs to try.

  14. A.Bax | Reply


    Your Stuff is DEEP. I LOVE IT! The emails you send are great and I’m going to buy your stuff.
    I often listen to the material of another Seduction artist (c/f ring a bell?) – but what I like about yourself, is that I find them more… real.
    Real in the sense that they especially deal with what happens AFTER you’re “in” with a chick.

    To answer that question directly…
    I think that guy’s best course of action is to find another girl. It may sound harsh an insensitive, for everyone deserves a second chance (or so the maxim goes). But one must look realistically at what the PROBABLE outcome of a scenario is.
    I know you’re a man given to the understanding of psychology. And you more than most, understand how hard it is to CHANGE a grown adult.
    SEXUALITY isn’t just something a person can whisp away from thought, and if this girl has those feelings, she was always be prone to having them awakened for ANOTHER female, sometime down the line.
    And with these physical feelings (if we are to assume they’re ONLY physical NOW), there will come OTHER feelings.
    That is the nature of emotion – of the human mind.
    What more – this situation that took place with him and her recently, she will subconsciously hope to avoid repeating – and so, will more than likely in my view, try to HIDE those feelings when they show up in the future.

    He should move on IMO. It will hurt, – but many a fish in the sea there be.

  15. Instructor CR James | Reply

    thanks abax

    i appreciate that my friend…

    if you look at it purely from the perspective of ‘what he doesn’t want’ (a chic that will bang another chic)… then moving on is pretty much is right option for HIM.. especially since it’s clear that at some point she’s going to act on her urges….

  16. Chuk | Reply


    When a girl is truely sorry you can tell, we are human, his girlfriend only wanted to have some kinda adventure ,she is curious and want to see what it looks like, she is not a Bi-sexual, she’s just anxious and what to adventure it. she has broken his trust and the guy will no longer trust her, so it is left for the guy, if he will forgive and move on fine, but if he cant he should just end it there coz trust once broken can hardly be earned back.

    Hope this helps as well.
    Need more advice you can count on me

  17. Instructor CR James | Reply

    cool chuk… you’re my official right hand man. lol.

  18. dave | Reply

    my currnt girl does women. totally upfront with it from the beginning. not here. have had a woman before, who was slow to let me know, but she did let me know. all this bullshit about threesomes, who cares, i let that go between the girl and her girls, i will watch if the start in front of me, join if they ask, but that is always a seperate relationship, even if you pal around together or live together. you guys talking about broken trust, plz never was trust on either side, no honesty. no relationship, this is the definition of two clingy superficial assholes, in a sick and twisted bond. both of them need to grow up. there is no need for action in either way unless they decide to be real with themselves and each other. there is no point in any of this unless each of them is willing to be real. this is at its essence the silliest of high-school fake-ass ‘create it because you’re an asshole’ childish drama.
    this guy, if he is real is just jacking off, trying to get attention from others with this sill shit, do not take it seriously, but if it is serious, and real, it speaks of deep seated sickness, and this guy’s problem is and never was her, it is himself, and ‘whatever’ about what he does with the girl, just stop harming her, and seek psychiatric help immediately.

  19. ergest | Reply

    Well this guy is smart and stupid at the same time. So he knows his girl is curious about being with a girl. Is he THAT insecure that he thinks she will turn lesbian if she tried it? I think so. You can ONLY be jealous IF you assume that your gf is your property and that you have to restrict her. I mean she’s not even his wife! I’m willing to bet that she will try it anyway if she were that curious AND he’ll never know.

  20. Instructor CR James | Reply

    good point ergie…

    if you put aside whether he’s dumb, lucky, insecure, unlucky….and you’re looking at it strictly from the ‘will she do it again’ angle, you can’t ignore the SPEED in which she was willing to hook up…

  21. Ike | Reply

    Definition of “CHEATING”: consenting to give emotionally OR physically a part of oneself to another individual who is not your monogamous partner, without their knowledge, blessing, or consent.

    Did she cheat? YES. There is a saying: “Adultery is first committed in the heart before it is EVER committed in the physical”. She is an adulterer, whether her course of action be with a woman, or another man.

    This woman DID indeed cross “the line”, however, it will be up to the victim whether or not he can forgive her and move FORWARD in the relationship.

    Unfortunately, none of us actually know if this was a one-time occurrence, or a pattern of behavior with this female. If this is a pattern, there is no sense in pursuing anything further in this relationship with her, and he ought to move on very quickly. However, if it was some sort of exploratory adventure for her, then she ought to realize that she was intending to sexually cheat on her boyfriend, and if she GENUINELY realizes the magnitude of what she was about to do (and if she regrets the thought), then she can ask for forgiveness, and establish solid boundaries. She can count it as a lesson to learn from.

    Unfortunately, from what she wrote, it looks like the ONLY reason she would consider NOT cheating is because she feels if the boyfriend FOUND OUT, he would leave her. NOTE: the boundary is established not on MORALS and ETHICS, but sadly on a FEAR OF CONSEQUENCE. This is not the right mentality to have in a loyal relationship.

    In short, this woman is a cheater. LEAVE HER, and find someone who has some proper values.

    Sluts are a dime-a-dozen. I can probably guess her age… She’s between 21 to 24. Am I right?



  22. Instructor CR James | Reply

    great response. not to many people look at that way… but i happen to agree 100%…that cheating takes place in the “heart”….she technically did cheat…

    and you’re right, it’s obvious that the only thing that stops her from cheating is ‘fear of getting caught’…that says a lot of about her character..

    i don’t know her age, but i was thinking 19 – 23.. lol

    what made it crazy was how quickly she willing to hook up..

    even after the apologies a “skilled guy” could get her in his apartment in a matter of minutes…

    ever worse..there’s no regard for her safety… it could have been a group of guys setting her up for “rape/murder”…

  23. G | Reply

    This story reminds me of two things: 1) the saying “be careful what you ask for; you just might get it and 2) a comedy operetta where two young men wanted to test the faithfulness of their fiancés so they disguised themselves and set out to seduce their girlfriends.

    To be honest, CR, I don’t see what P’s problem is — except that his girlfriend hadn’t included him in the sexual encounter she’d been planning.
    He had already talked to his girlfriend about her having a female lover and had given her his consent for her to do so.
    And the fact that he is making her crawl and grovel for acting on what he gave her permission to do proves that he is a double-standard misogynist low-life and how much we women allow men to dump the blame and shame on us that isn’t ours at all but theirs.

    I would advise HER to tell HIM to kiss her
    _ _ _ , and go find someone worthy of her love.
    But if she decides to stay with him, he needs to reconcile himself to the fact that there is an area in her life he can’t fulfill and give her room to fulfill that need (although having said that I need to state that I do not agree with homosexuality, male or female … or, for that matter, any other kind of sex that is not heterosexual and within marriage … although having said that, I STRONGLY oppose any hate, harassment and prejudice against homosexuals, lesbians, etc.).
    But there is another thought that I would like to introduce: I am a heterosexual female artist, and as an artist I can appreciate the beauty in a woman as well as a man (although to be honest, I believe that generally speaking the female body is far more beautiful than the male body any day). I can also appreciate the beauty of a beautiful man. But that doesn’t mean that I am sexually attracted to that woman or man.
    So I am wondering if this might be what is going on with his girlfriend.

    I hope you find wisdom in this someplace somehow.


  24. Instructor CR James | Reply

    You’re right, he did “open the door” and it’s definitely a “be careful what you wish for” case….

  25. Steve | Reply

    I think he should give her exactly ONE more chance. She’s just had what should be the scare of her life, and there’s a chance she might have been “scared straight”. But he should make it clear to her that if she strays one more time, then he will know he can never trust her.


  26. Instructor CR James | Reply

    thanks for the response steve..

    that’s a different approach than what’s been mentioned.. interesting…

  27. Alex | Reply

    In relationship,every person deserve a second chance.
    He must learn to “Forgive and Forget”.
    Real fact : Forgiving a person fault is always easy to achieve,just take an example of saying sorry when a person done something wrong.
    Forgetting the incident in fact is the real killer.Frankly speaking,to master forgetting is a very tough thing to perform.

    He must be confident enough to tell himself that he can forget this incident and life will be happily ever after.

  28. Randy | Reply

    The BF is a stupid, insecure little boy. Setting her up like that shows HE cannot be trusted. The curiosity the GF showed is normal; the mistrust he showed was not. She was clear with her concern about his reaction and she was right. She is better off with out him. In fact give her my number!

  29. Tarig | Reply


    You asked me to help you solve the problem of the sender below. Well as long as it is a unique problem which means that they tangled or complex and that the decision in this kind of problem whenever intervened by external parties Madth complicated by my advice to them the two had to balance their minds and the reality of the problem and given the right of the serious debate maybe this comes with a positive result,

    Best Regards


  30. dave | Reply

    there it is, in a nutshell, thanks Tarig

  31. dave | Reply

    Alex, you are so right on the money here. Clarify the morally superior position for me. How can anyone have committed a ‘fault’ to a deceiver. And which one of the identities does she cowtow to, the supposed real jackass or his fantasy double?

  32. dave | Reply

    Steve this guy did not say he was dating “Gilly”.

  33. dave | Reply

    hey Ike, don’t you think it is hard not to cross the line when your dealing with a guy who has no boundries?

  34. dave | Reply

    hey Randy, cool. Really we need to be advising her. Here’s what she should do: go back to facebook, tell the girl that your b/f did react badly and now she is ready to fully commit to her. that should fuck with his head. boy will he be suprised when he goes to meet her at the park, and find out he’s really himself!

  35. dave | Reply

    Alex this is an important point, I really hope you get it. It is ok to be rude to the devil, the devil is the devil afterall, so if you should find yourself in Hell, no need to apologize, and there will be no happily ever after anyway.

  36. dave | Reply

    CR, this was fun, but I have a concern. I am going with the assumption that this is all make-believe, just to generate hits. I hope that this is not a real situation. If, however it is real, I do hope you will take this seriously and do the responsible thing. When the molten lava has come down the volcano’s side and engulfed the house, as the earthquake breaks the island to rubble, and it begins to fall in the ocean, it would be wrong to waste the quy’s time trying to advise him on how to fix the leak in the roof, and for goodness sake, do not try to sell him a hammer, or shingles. If you were to advise him privately, jus tell him to go to his primary care physician, tell him that he has time in his life to implement secret identities, and after the question to find out how well he know Dick Chaney, the doctor will have him on his way to the looney bin.


  37. dave | Reply

    It just hit home. I guess it is possible, that this is real, you are not making this up, and the guy who wrote you really exists, and does want help, and this is where he comes for that help. He could really be that fucked up.

  38. Noillusions | Reply

    This guy went too far. He doesn’t trust HER, but she can’t trust HIM.

    He could try apologizing and even suggest that they find a bi-girl to try out with as a 3-some. Or, if that isn’t his speed, he needs to get a new girl. The one who makes him want another girl will never be the right one.

  39. Instructor CR James | Reply

    hey dave…

    it’s real. i don’t make stuff up. that’s not my style…

    i have no reason to think that the ’emailer’ is lying either,
    because he emailed several times before about her…

    plus, i asked him for the ‘chat dialogue’…

    besides i didn’t think it’s THAT STRANGE for (what
    appears to be) a young woman to have thoughts about having sex
    with another woman…lol.

    btw, thanks for addressing the other commentors. lol.

    i think tarigs wisdom inspired you..

    and of course, i took him seriously.

    in fact this is what i told him:

    hey XXXXXX

    there’s no way of really knowing… unless you got
    her to actually meet at a certain place…

    but to me it seems like she was willing to hook
    up with this girl…

    not that it matters, but it’s also with someone she just talking to
    for the first time…

    in less than a few minutes, she’s agreeing to cheat on
    you behind your back..

    and she seems serious… she’s revealing to this stranger
    when YOU will be away….where to MEET…and where to go
    after that….and openly saying YES..we can do it and it will be
    something that my boyfriend can’t know about…

    and you seem to think this makes her a quality girlfriend!

    for me, it would be an instant break up. period…

    in fact, i would have a problem if my girl
    was joking around about hooking up with someone…

    but she’s PLANNING…she’s THINKING…
    she seems very serious….

    she’s thinking of how to do it and get away with
    it. period.

    if you haven’t already cut her loose, there’s nothing
    i can say to make you do it…

    here’s the deal…

    if you’re going to do some sort of trick like this… have a plan in place beforehand,
    about what you plan to do based on how she reacts…

    because if you’re not willing to leave her, it doesn’t make
    any sense to do it in the first place…

    unless you think ‘busting her’ like this ‘magically changes’ her
    into a girl who respects the guy she claims to love…

    – cr

  40. dave | Reply

    CR, hope you have a good dental plan, this job couldn’t pay enogh to deal with this. Really funny though.

  41. Bobby | Reply

    Well cheating is on the top of my She gets dumped list immediately list. If she is looking to cheat she is obviously not sexually satisfied. Maybe she thinks it’s not really cheating with a girl. Tho if this guy is a pig he could use this to force her into having a three way. She gets to experiment and he gets to bang two chicks. Every one wins. Tho if this guy is willing to go to the extent of making a online profile to catch he girlfriend cheating. He obviously has some serious confidence and trust issues that should be dealt with before he starts dating again.

  42. suman shil | Reply

    She really loves him. And so, he should not be so much obsessed if she also meet a girl after all. Have an open mind and give her a little freedom. Let have an experience with a girl. That may increase her love for him.
    The problem is with him being so possessive and the fear he has that he may lose her. If he can over come that fear the problem is solved.
    Best of luck,

  43. ike | Reply

    Ike, your knowledge of women is astounding, not only are you able to pin down this woman’s age, but put a dollar value on her, that takes extensive knowledge and skill, I don’t know how you are able to keep up with the market in sluts, let alone whores, bitches and whatever catagory your mother fits in.

  44. DaveA | Reply

    This guy sets up a fraudulent internet ID to mess with a woman’s heart and head and then emails about not wanting to look insecure?
    I’d send a message to this gal: This guy is showing you he can’t be trusted and wants to manipulate you. Ditch him.
    To the guy: Bro, you have a LOT of work to do with a therapist on why you need to lie to people. Until you like and trust yourself, all your relationships will be unsatisfying or toxic.

    “The way to avoid fear is simply to do the right thing.” Grandmaster Choa Kok Sui

  45. Prague | Reply

    I don’t think we should be spending time on this guy. She should plain dump him and find a man who’s more authentic.

  46. Instructor CR James | Reply

    So she should dump him…because he caught HER in a lie…


    personally i wouldn’t do what he did…

    i have my reasons…

    but in general, i have no issues with figuring out EXACTLY what you are dealing with.. (if for whatever reason the guy wants a committed relationship)…

    let’s face it, some women lie….

    so i don’t have MAJOR issues with a guy who wants to figure out the truth…whether it’s using hidden cameras, phony profiles… (again, that’s not my style)…

    BUT once he FIGURES OUT (the proof) what’s going on…. he should have him mind made up. it should be clear…

    let’s face it.. you lose “points” going out like this… it’s a little slimy and quasi-creepy…but if a guy wants to sacrifice some cool points to find out the truth, then he should at least have his mind made up…

    if the relationship continues, she won’t be able to trust him as well… her privacy was invaded…. she has to constantly wonder if he’s lurking around…

  47. RonS | Reply

    I think he should move on if he thought this was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. My Dad always said, “a pig returns to wallow in the mud” and “a dog returns to lap up it’s vomit”. People don’t really change. The desire that this girlfriend had to be with another woman will re-surface but, only after said girlfriend thinks that the coast is clear and that she can accomplish her mission under the radar gun. I think she is only sorry because she got caught. Perhaps she doesn’t want to get thrown out into the streets or she doesn’t want another woman to latch onto her trustworthy/faithful man. She could have been upfront with her boyfriend and discussed shelving the relationship for several months or discussed her desire to be with another woman. She chose the backdoor method and got caught. She doesn’t have to apologize because apologies (at least through my eyes) are only for accidental, unintentional mishaps. Her actions were deliberate, calculated, and included a deceptive, hidden agenda. I think, at this point, the “trust” has been broken. True “love” for her man would have enabled her to suppress this desire preventing her from losing the very person she supposedly is in love with. I think the boyfriend should try to wade through all the hurt and pain, move on, and search for someone new. There’s got to be someone a little more honest out there for him.

  48. Instructor CR James | Reply

    i’m in agreement with you ron… she’s only apologizing because she got caught… he has to suck it up and move on…

    let me ask you this ron….what about the people who attack HIM for setting up the fake profile?

  49. RonS | Reply

    There is that old saying “you have to fight fire with fire”. He already had suspected something wasn’t right with his relationship. Had he asked her up front, ” Honey, if you and another woman …. Oh I don’t know say, you were in a chat room environment and were to begin communicating and the subject of having sex with each other came up, would you invite her into our home and secretly have sex with her without my knowledge?” You know her answer would be, “OHHHHH NOOOOOOO sweety … I could never do that and I would NEVER do that without making sure you were OK with it first. I love you too much to pull something like that. You know me better than that!”
    His trust in her was already shaken to the point that he felt he needed to bait her (to try to confirm at least one of his suspicions – cheating on him with another woman or man). She took the bait; hook, line, rod, and reel. It must have been a very sad moment for him. It was better to find out before she commited the act rather than to find out after his privates were oozing puss and pulsating with pain from something he picked up from her, who picked up something from a strange woman from a chatroom. Sometimes you have to “bait” that deceptive person to extract the truth. I am OK with it in this situation. Since the suspicion was already there I guess he could have just left the relationship rather than go down the baiting path he chose to take. Then he would always be second guessing himself and running those, “Maybe I should have done this OR maybe I should have done that” thoughts through his head continuously.

  50. Instructor CR James | Reply

    i couldn’t agree more ron.

    i believe you’re the first and only person to mention the disease factor… which is a very real thing…

  51. G.M.T. | Reply

    Well C.R.
    I’ll try and be as breif as possible.My philosophy on relationships is that they are not forever, and therefore are only there to show us who we really are.
    I think that these people started this relationship on the wrong foundation as I feel that it was sexually based, and both show a tendency to have some kind of fear issue, albeit trust and curiosity curiosity.
    This relationship was doomed for disaster, I say that they are both young and should chalk this one up to experience, and move on, and hopefully they both have learnt from this episode.I feel that they have confused love for a trade off, they should have said I trade you this , if you trade me that, instead of saying I love you…amazing what comes out when people get caught, Like T.W. amazing how sorry he was, and if he wasn’t caught we would all be none the wiser.
    Relationships are there to help us mirror each other in this case the couple found out who they really are, on is sexually starved and confused and in need of sexual cratification, and the other has discovered how weak he is ,because in reality he would like to tell her where to go and what to do, so he hides it under the phseudo banner of respect.I say grow up and be adult about this episode and see what the repecutions would be in the long term.
    Thank you

  52. Amit | Reply

    I think the Girl really loves the guy. The incident may just have happen due to curiosity or urge of that feeling nothing else. The girl need to be given a second shot. Because its an old saying ” Love those who loves you coz You are assured that the other person might not leave you in any circumstances you are.”

  53. MrMalcolm | Reply

    Dear Catcher of love,
    How are you today, better I am hoping. Life is very much a mist [some things you see easily, while other things are not so clear].
    As life would have it, your major problem is communication vs. fear. One can only give love without expecting to receive love in return, and when you do receive love in return “that is the most powerful set-up in life.” Having that joy should be communicated in word and the opening up of one’s self to the one who gives you love back: it should put all at ease; when that is not in that position: true love is not there: only a surface for what you really wish will be called love;
    Always make sure you do not hold too hard and block communication. Have open discussions on many topics and diverse conversations on many subjects: even the “-If –then- conversation rises”: then you will find how true your love is;
    Remember, holding on real hard to some one who may not love you as deeply as you love them will only hurt you. Letting that person see their ways by communication, ‘which your love was asking in the first place through the internet’, is the solution for your needs.
    In all reality, three and one half billion women in this world, and two and one half billion men: When you reach out to someone, you need to reach out with open arms, and open mouth, so your open ear can respond in like and kind; It is best to work for the other person’s happiness: we know that will make you happy; In turn that person will work in the same way: giving you satisfaction via communication: that is what really makes you and everyone happy;
    In conclusion, smile to release your tension. Smile in your heart, so you can receive the joy you seek. Smile in your mind to receive your answers. Breathe deeply to rid the body of toxic pain of the moments. Then ask kindly, talk kindly and communicate via your mouth to find your answers. Do not judge, for we do not know why people do what they do, so we must ask and accept [even though it is very hard: I have been in that position].
    I hope I have given you some assistance on your path of love.


    Mr. Malcolm

  54. Instructor CR James | Reply

    GMT: “Relationships are there to help us mirror each other” …I like that a lot…

    Malcolm: Very peaceful advice that shouldn’t be taken lightly…

    Amit: Give her another chance? Interesting.

  55. avdo | Reply

    G day i think the girl in question has a strong imaginations and that she want to try to see how it feels with a woman what actually she is thinking is actually a self she loves other woman’s breasts and buts she has both she is actually trying to see how other woman is reacting to stimulus of sexual nature. she loves her b friend its obvious but she is also looking for freedom as well my understanding is this she need to find her self be honest to self and make decisions that will be beneficial to her alone once she is solid in this matter then relation will become much more mature and stronger till then she is dealing with fear guilt and passion if unresolved it is not good idea to have nothing serious.

  56. Instructor CR James | Reply

    seems like she wants to explore girls and be in a relationship…

    which is ok with some guys..but not all…

    similar to what you’re saying…she should get that out of her system before entering into a relationship…OR hook up with a guy that’s ok with her fooling around with girls…

  57. aymeric | Reply

    please man for your own sake and sanity,get rid of her its bad enough having to look over your shoulder for a fucking man whos lurking around your girl but if you have to be careful with both genders it becomes imposssible.she might end up checking out hot chicks under your nose in public and that is the last thing you want in a girlfriend.
    But most importantly the trust is gone and if she ‘s done it once she can’t wait to do it again,the psychological barrier is broken,she no longer feels inhibited…as bad as it sounds I know a lot of women who get a high out of breaking boundaries…the fact you busted her early on was pure genius and if you make the correct decision will save a lot of turmoil and emotional BS!!
    get rid of her and move on to a more worthy woman immediately!!(she’s a loose canon)

  58. Adam | Reply

    Hi CR,

    So this guy is dating a bisexual girl? Sounds like every guys dream! Ah but seriously the fact that he felt the need to snoop around shows that there were issues in their relationship beforehand.

    She says she loves him, but wants to be with other people, and when he suggested a compromise (if you can call a threesome a compromise) she didn’t feel comfortable with it. She has to choose what she wants, he can’t make up her mind for her.

    If she can’t he should end their relationship now instead of trying to change her and make it work and ending up in an even more difficult situation later on.

    That’s my two cents. Hope this helps.


  59. Instructor CR James | Reply

    something had to have been “off” for him to snoop.

    good point…

  60. Luigi Di Serio | Reply

    Here my advice:
    1) Welcome the whole situation with open arms….
    2) Have her do a girl
    3) Please tape the whole thing
    4) Sell the video.
    5) Dump her.
    Thumbs up for lipstick lesbians!

    So here is my real advice. If you want to know the answer to any problem, remember this acronym… WWJD?

    What Would *James Do?

    If you imagine what CR James or James Bond for that matter, would do in any given situation that pertains to a lady, you’ll find infinite wisdom and what they WOULD do, you SHOULD do. Actually preferably CR over Bond, cause he is non-fictitious.

    * Note for philosophical/moral/theological issues, replace for the letter “J” with Jesus for James

    p.s. So James, what would you do?!

  61. Instructor CR James | Reply

    What would I do Luigi?


    I’m not sure if the other J’s would do this…

    I would first go to diserio.com and study a real-life guy with sexual value. (lol)

    That would be a must….

    Next, I would do EXACTLY what he did (the guy in the email)…

    Except, I would take it one step further.

    Instead of just tricking her to meet me (as the pretend facebook girl), I would have actually dressed up as a woman and taken her to a hotel and had sex with her.

    I would be gentle and passionate…

    Then I would have sex with her on a regular/ongoing basis…

    That way we both win!

    I get the girl who doesn’t sleep with women.
    She gets to believe she had sex with a woman.

  62. Hendrik | Reply

    Hey there,
    I’ve read some of the feedback,
    for my part I think it was some sort of entrapment, if I was her I’d dump his sorry arse. He’s the one whos insercure, he’s the one with no back bone and he’s lucky that that he has a top chick like her. If he does some thing that means he has no inner game and cant get his own shit together, women can be so boring and life is short, if you cant have any excitment for long or short term, and if you over react you lose.
    As for the rest of you..get a life Ha ha

  63. JORGE | Reply

    I myself would be very untrusting of her.. I would put her up with a girl if she is this much into doing this.. since you are willing.. and this way, if you want to keep her around, then share in everything she is doing..

    Maybe the question you should ask is:

    Can you be trusted enough for her to be willing to share one of her most inner desires? And if you can.. (earn this) then she is

    1. definitely into pussy eating..
    1a. Are you?
    2. Are you willing to ask her how she really wants it? and are you willing to go the xtra mile?
    3. If you do (earn this trust from her) then you will own her completely.. and even maybe get her playmate too!

    4. Know the playmate as much as possible (contact info)

    This must work for both of you and the trust must be a three way (in this matter) or you can lose her completely anyway (being that you already find it hard to believe her anymore) I know I would find it extremely difficult to trust her again after this episode!

  64. Matt | Reply

    CR, Hey man, I think it is great that you are continuing to help as many people as you do, it shows that you are really committed to helping rather than your own profiteering.

    I would also like to comment that your most recent report “Interesting Questions,” sparked something interesting I have been seeing a lot lately.

    Have you noticed a trend in society lately that the “Pussification of Manhood” has taken a severe upward trend?

    I understand that movies, TV, and other forms of entertainment have an influence, but THIS IS EPIDEMIC!

    I have a friend whom after dating a great woman, for a long while, decided to tie the knot. They were a great couple and he made sure to balance his man time with his romantic time.

    His confidence with her never swayed, and she trusted him.

    Fast forward a while and she has trouble with him joining the rest of the fellows for poker night, and he has reservation about her hanging out with her sister and mother?!?

    I asked him about it, and his reply was similar to the guys sending you these problems lately… THEY LOST THE TRUST I think they secretly have lost the trust in themselves, and are imprinting that on the closest thing to them, in these examples, their significant others.

    My girlfriend and I have established that communication that I think is MORTALLY VITAL to any lasting relationship, and I thought we were setting a good example to follow.

    If I do something that upsets her, she lets me know immediately, and I do the same with her. I am a complete person, with or without her and she is the same.

    We are not two halves that make a whole,or any of that Oprah-Hollywood-Cosmo-Woman’s Day-fake-made up-BULLSHIT excuse for a relationship.

    We built this relationship TOGETHER, she knows her responsibilities, andI know mine. We have had some great adventures together, and everyday, I am teaching and learning.

    We both view a relationship as a process, not a goal. We get to relate to each other, we are not in a “thing” called a relationship.

    I think a lot of couples are missing that.The second thing, and this is even more important, is that I know my responsibilities.

    I MUST BE A MAN FOR MY WOMAN I must make sure I am that man that swept her off her feet,the man she fell in love with. If I ever start to forget that then I have instantly become a LIAR to that woman, and that, I think is a MAJOR problem today.

    Guys have to wake up and remember, she was looking when she found you,and women the same. Men have to:- take the pussy-blinders off- make sure you are not turning into some self-made-insecure-whiny-snot-nosed-brat- and stand up as a MAN for your woman.

    I hope that with your guidance, and guys like you, society can wake up soon and start to get it, I know I do and I feel like we are a dying breed…

    I look forward to more from you!

    – Matt San Antonio,
    Texas P.S.

    That Alex punk should be flogged with a dead fish for not exploring that treasure of a bisexual woman. The horror!

  65. Instructor CR James | Reply

    Hey Matt

    Excellent points!

    Society needs to wake up..

    I’m glad there’s still a few guys out there who have their eyes open and realize that it is an epidemic that’s taken place.

    If you tell most people this they think you’re crazy or trying to be funny…

    If you look at TV shows, movies and even commercials, there’s this typical “dad/husband persona” that’s getting worse and worse…

    He’s getting more pussified as you mentioned.

    The woman is becoming increasingly bossy and massively annoying. And for some reason her behavior is acceptable and “normal”…

    There’s this commercial that’s been running (for one of the electronic stores.. best buy maybe..not really sure)… where the “guy” is being dragged through the mall and he’s trying to sneak a peak at the football game on the big screens and she yells at him like he’s a child to follow her to the next store…

    It’s crazy…

    You’re right, we are a dying breed…
    Guy need to wake up from their “pussy trance” fast…

  66. Palfrey | Reply

    Trust has been damaged for both.
    You lack honesty about handling HER sexual desires.
    CAN BE Repaired if YOU want to go though the work it would take to



    I think she hides it AS:
    It sounds as if it’s something she just wants to try,
    she does not want another in the relationship, just wants to TRY the sex.

    Like anal,
    She may not like it, will never do it again.
    If done in a way that is pleasurable,
    SHE may like it, and increases her desires for more.

    Her other reasons for feeling the need to hide certain things from THE ONE she claims to LOVE:


    that is apparent to her:

    She does NOT WANT you judging her,

    : . . . but I think that’s kind of embarrassing. [from YOUR past talks? Her internal beliefs?] [Negative judgments/reactions about her if revealed?]

    xx: Why do you think that is embarrassing?

    gf: I don’t know. I am a shy girl. [shy = not revealing that which in her mind, shames.]

    HE said that if I wanted to do it with a girl
    then do it. [SHE ATTEMPTED TO]

    I got a bit sad. [DID you notice that she did??][if so; How did you react?]

    WE talked and HE said that if I wanted it then a girl could join the relationship [WHY???]

    but she will be of us both and not mine.

    xx: so you do want a girl?
    xD maybe you should talk with your bf about it

    gf: I will talk with hem

    I am scared [of YOUR Negative judgments/reactions triggering her shame about her natural desire/curiosity for sex with a woman] [fear of loosing her]

    that he loses it. [Your anger ?? reflects your insecurity AND judgments] [This shows her you are not REALLY as open minded, AND NOT really OK with this = your not honest = she does not trust you with her sexual desires that she is curious to explore WITH YOU, never more till YOU correct this.]

    SHE just wants the sex, NOT emotional attachment to another. SHE HAS EMOTIONAL BONDING WITH Y_O_U.
    Did you notice THAT she does not want to loose/ have that broken/ = she called to confess her guilt and shame to you??

    SO, that bonding can remain as long as during sex:
    your telling her the positive things she does that contributes to your life style,

    dirty talk,

    NEVER call her a slut or whore
    which is different from
    HER DOING slutty, whore kinds of things, as she gets pleasures from doing them as SPECIAL pleasures for Y_O_U.

    She will not know this either unless you are expressing these to her mainly during sex.

  67. T2 | Reply

    Dude, you are an idiot!

    If you are dating a girl with bi-sexual urges you should be encouraging her to explore them. In the beginning if she is too shy to do it with another girl in front of you get over it. The cool thing about bi and lesbian women is they are very open and expressive sexually, half the women i go out with are bi-sexual, and I love it. I especially love the fact that they are more open to the idea of threesomes, and if you build comfort and trust, instead of ‘trying to catch her cheating’ you may find yourself with her and her girlfriends. If you had encouraged her you might find her trusting and loving you more.

    Quite honestly she should dump you for being a prying snoop and have nothing more to do with you. She won’t because she is weak and too caught up in silly societal mores. And, I have a prediction for you, no matter what she says, if she meets a real man or woman skilled in the art of seduction she will cheat, even if she feels guilty about it later. So nope, I would waste time trusting her, for two reasons. First, now that you have opened up the guilt treasure chest (pandora’s box so to speak) she eventually is going to realize guilt is not that bad and she is going to cheat. Second, since you are such a pathetic, controlling ass, there is no way you are going to allow yourself to trust her anyway. BTW, just for the record, it is your type of average frustrated chump attitude that makes it easy for me to seduce women like her-thank you.

  68. vic | Reply

    these guys sound like kids. very nervous, insecure. sex with who is gonna solve what? ya, circular dating is good, as long as nothing is on the table about marriage. learn to flirt and maybe perfect the sex but without commitment, last time i looked a person was free to date who they wanted in whichever manner they choose. without exclusivity, i guess anything is possible.

  69. ian | Reply

    ‘oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to decieve.’

    ok, ‘brass tacks’ time. yes she did cross the line.
    however, with the knowledge that his gf was Bi, or at least Bi curious, he should have been prepared for the fact that one day there may have been a woman who would turn her head.
    in reading this, and especially the conversation, she makes it plain that she loves him and doesnt want to loose him. it seems to me that she may have just gotten ‘caught up in the moment’ and given in to her curiosity. but as i sais at the beginning, yes, she did cross the line.
    what he needs to do is decide if he loves her enough to give her the chance to regain his trust and build there relationship from there.

  70. Bill | Reply

    Paul is 1000% correct!!! I’ve had 3somes (my ex-wife and other ladies!!) and it is pretty fantastic but the 2 need too go into it with the right frame of mind and consider ALL consequences which would depend entirely on the relationship and it’s security!!

  71. JAMES | Reply


  72. jgo | Reply

    she’s confused and has shown a propensity to cheat. i place her in the psycho catagory. no good can come from staying with her. Trust has been destroyed. Dump the wack job before she breaks your heart.

  73. Ace | Reply

    Think about all the possibilities here. If you allow her to have sex with other girls then what’s is going to prevent her from sleeping with another guys? Are you willing to accept her having sex with two guys at the same time? If you continue in this relationship you will have to set some rules (yes more fear) and you have to be honest with yourself knowing that she will cheat someday and you may or maynot find out about it (Afraid/Trust). A cheater is a cheater and there is no going back. Good Luck my friend and dont be mad when you catch me out there with your GF. After I am done with her you should give her another chance. She does not respect you… Period! ……Cut the sling-load (Army term) and move on.

  74. J | Reply

    That relationship is going to fail. 1st and the most important thing is, The Bf, never trusted his girl. Without trust, it will fail, its only a matter of time. 2nd, she can’t take back what she said to the fake girl on fb, it got put out there and there it will stay. She’d be better off leaving him. Or him her. Every time she goes on line, is late, gets a phone call, what ever, he is going to wonder and a fight will start and he will bring it up, and like I said she can’t take it back.
    Trust is everything and he does not and never has trusted her. If he had he would have never tried to set her up. He would had never thought of it, unless he has something to feel guilty about.

  75. Marquez | Reply

    I think they should both move on with their lives because if he knows he probably can’t trust her than he should move on with his life and find someone else that he can trust.

  76. louby | Reply

    Hi there,

    @ P , here is wat i wud do if i was in ur place..
    i wud check if i make her feel no other in bed , that no one can make her feel the way i do whether man or woman
    check out her fantasies , her wildest dreams

    and if u really wanna know if she loves u or not, LET her GO … just give her impression that u cant be around her anymore , until she really finds out wat she wants MORE !

    let her be with a gurl …let her know that she cud possibly hv lost u forever ..
    let her think that no one ever cud make her feel the way u do 😉

    and if she liked the gurl more …then amigo ,she is not ur true love

    one more thing , about the thresome idea !! wt the hell!! dude thats crab ! you cant Share ur woman with anyone !


  77. stephen | Reply

    Hey CR,

    This girlfriend cannot be trustworthy if she holds one position at one time and another the next minute. These are the kind of people who reason after messing, regretting so remorsely then forget about the whole episode and they will sorry even atfer confessing that they forgot. Dangerous character with no stand. From the chat it’d be obvious that she’s lesbian and onc she tasted that there’d be no going back.

  78. Sweetback | Reply

    I have a similar situation with a bisexual 28 yr old & beautiful italian girl( I am 45). When I met Mikki, she was in a relationship with a lesbian. We became friends at work and she fell for me. We had a discussion one night about lesbian relationships, and I told her that I think it unwise for a lesbian to assume a relationship with a bisexual girl will be long-term or permanent for the obvious reason that the bi-girl will always crave the relationship with a biological male who plays a strong male role-a role that no lesbian could fulfill regardless how hard she tries to assume the male gender role in the relationship. During this discussion, I told Mikki that if I was with her that she could continue to be with girls because I am not threatened by that and that it would be unfair and stupid to deny her sexuality. Mikki said her ideal is to bring a woman in to be with her and her husband 2 to 3 times a year. I didnt know it at the time, but that night we had this conversation, she fell in love with me and decided she was going to make me her husband. She was in awe that I was that secure and confident and felt that I was a man above all other men (I have never been one to be insecure with relationships-and she knows that I am not scared of losing her, that I can and will get any women I want). So, my advice is that the way that “P” went about testing his girl was okay, but he should not have told her that he was behind it, for it reeks of fear. He should embrace his girls bisexuality if it benefits him. I would let her bring a girl home at least once so she can scratch that itch. If this itch gets worse, then that would have been the outcome sooner or later regardless of what he wanted and demanded of her.

  79. Sweetback | Reply

    I read thru all the posts and there are two basic under-tones. There are posters who are threatened by their girl being with other girls and there are those who are secure and unthreatened by the scenario. I myself am not threatened by anything relationship-wise with Mikki, or any girl I was with in the past. I fuck her like an alpha male and am always the male in the relationship. She knows one thing with absolute certainty: that if she displeases me that I would leave her forever with an absolute zero chance of coming back. I love and adore her and will give her a fun and exciting life. But I dont need her and she knows this. If your ego is completely wrapped-up in your significant other than you have already lost. There is nothing special about your girl or wife. She is a girl just like all the others.

1 Trackback(s)

  1. From Tweets that mention [Busted] Did his girlfriend cross the line? : CR James -- Topsy.com | May 1, 2010

RSS Feed for This PostPost a Comment