Understanding Her Like No One Else (Unique + 99%)

We’ve kinda talked about this a few times, so let’s take it to another level.

Let’s say you now have the confidence. You feel amazing about yourself.

You feel unstoppable!

Guess what?

You’re not quite done. It’s not just about confidence. As we learning in the lemonade stand example, you need more than confidence.

In fact, the formula for success with women was hinted at as being:

“The RIGHT WAY of having Confidence” + [something else + something else + something else] + [something else + something else + something else]

Bracket #1: [the unique part] is the unique qualities that make you TGTBT (too good to be true). In other words, the PERFECT lemonade stand employee.

Bracket #2: [the 99% part] the stuff that works on all women. (For example, 99% of women like flowers. 99% of women like compliments. 99% of women want to be beautiful).

The formulaic way of saying “confidence is just PART of the process.
If you’re coaching a sports team, it helps to motivate your team to the point where they’re fired up (full of confidence), but if you don’t provide them with a game plan, it’s pointless.

When it comes to having success with women – in this case, we’re talking about a strategy for getting her turned on, your game plan should be based on knowing her, which means knowing key facts about women, along with knowing unique things about her.

The stuff that works on 99% of women + The stuff that works specifically on her.

Here’s a chart that helps put this in perspective. Let’s say Mary’s chart looks a little like this:

Example Chart

Pretty straight forward?

You should take the time to make a list like this for your target woman.

And any woman you know (even if it’s your sister or cousin) take the time to ask questions that reveal stuff on the right side of the chart.

That way you can get in the habit (and comfort) of having conversations that reveal this type of information. The bonus in these cases is your learn more about them so you connect better.

(And thank you for not making any immature incestuous jokes my friend.)

Besides, the more you know about female family members, the better you get at selecting the right gifts for birthdays and holidays.

Also find out RECENT interests. It could be a different list that will fade away after awhile.

Long Term Interests:

  • bowling
  • amusement parks
  • scary movies.


Short Term Interests:

  • Origami
  • Watching Charlie Sheen Youtube Videos
  • Learning how to speak German
  • Bi-winning

Getting back on track…

Some people may wonder, why not just focus on the stuff that works on 99% of all women, and that’s it.

And the truth is, you could.
But you would be doing what most guys do in attempts to have success with women.

Your success would be as good as (limited to..) your ability to understand most women along with your ability to execute that understanding.
Not bad.

BUT….
…if you want to be in the Top 1% (if we can conceptualize that) or you want to have an insanely powerful affect on her, then you MUST focus on understanding what’s unique about her.

But before we move on to the importance of understanding what’s unique about her, the best way to learn about women (or what applies to 99% of women) is to take a two-prong approach.

Prong #1: Study Research Type Stuff – I’m talking about information that is outside of the dating & relationship fields. I’m talking about raw research that are found in scientific journals. An easier-to-read option would be reading books that discuss the differences between men and women or books that talk about “how to sell to women” – which typically feature a variety of raw research.

Prong #2: Study On an Instinctive Level
– Get in the habit of talking to a variety of types of women (women your age, older women, younger women, women of different races/culture/religion, different personality types).

Most of the time I talk to (or study) a guy who went from Zero-Skills With Women to Super Skilled Overnight, I end up finding out that he made key adjustments in communicating with women.

For example, the Charisma Formula that I introduced a few years ago talks about the importance of engaging all people. In other words, get in the habit of talking to people everywhere. Ask people questions. In person. Online. Make statements. Make observations. Some guys reported back that they followed the advice and started talking to [a variety of] women everywhere (stores, gas stations, online, etc.) and they couldn’t believe how quickly ‘how magical’ it was. (In other words, they were learning instinctively without understanding how to explain it.)

Do you know Kevin Vandam?

Many regard him as the greatest fisherman alive!

Bad Ass Bass Guy: “You can learn a lot by fishing different species in the diverse variety of lakes and rivers we have in Michigan,”

Hmmmmmmm….

Ok, let’s move on to the unique side of the equation (understanding specific stuff about her).
To put this in perspective, imagine meeting an attractive girl who loves bowling, but yet you can’t really figure out why.

The truth you don’t need to know why. You just need to know that her brain pumps more dopamine (happy brain chemicals) when she bowls then the average woman.

There’s normally a reason (whether you successfully figure it out or not).

Maybe she use to go bowling with her father. And it marked the first time she had competitive-fun with a loving male authority figure.

She’s not even be aware of it, but when she goes bowling on a date, the guy is unconsciously assigned 10x the value because of these earlier imprints. If you understand the Super Addiction Formula (from SuperAttractionPower.com) then you remember that one of the ingredients is making her feel good while she’s in your presence.

Here’s an excerpt from Super Attraction Power

I’m personally not addicted to any drugs.

However, it is my belief that “drug addicts” continue to use drugs over and over again, because it makes them “feel good”…
There’s many drugs out there where as soon as you try it, you are instantly addicted!

In those cases, the person has entered in a new world where they are experiencing the

drug for the first time. If that person ends up becoming ‘addicted’ meaning they want to

hang out with the drug as often as possible, it’s because the drug made them feel good.
Note: We’re intentionally being simplistic to make the point.

They want to re-enter that new world.

  • It doesn’t matter if they are embarrassed about the drug.
  • It doesn’t matter if they tell themselves they shouldn’t be with the drug.
  • If doesn’t matter if other people tell them they shouldn’t be with the drug.
  • It doesn’t matter if they had a silly rule that says you shouldn’t be with the drug.

The only thing they want to do is be with the drug [because he makes him feel good].
Do you see where I’m going with this?

I want you to imagine that every time a drug addict is “engaging” and “experiencing” the

drug, there is a green bubble that surrounds him. (a transparent bubble with a green tint –

so you can see him inside of the bubble).

So every time he is using the drug and feeling good, there is a green bubble that

surrounds him. This is his new world. Everything outside of the bubble is the real world.

Real World = Pain

His New World = Pleasure

Guess which one he prefers?

The moment he is no longer using or experiencing the high from the drug, the bubble

breaks and he is forced into the real world…

Does this make sense?

Do you want another example?

I want you to imagine that every time a cat is “engaging” and “experiencing” some

catnip, there is a green bubble that surrounds him. The moment he is no longer snorting

the catnip or injecting the catnip into his little cat veins, the bubble breaks and he is reinserted in the real world.

Do you want another example?

I want you to imagine that every time a woman is “engaging” and “experiencing” a

chocolate cake, there is a green bubble that surrounds her because she is experiencing the

good feelings associated with eating one of her favorite desserts.

The moment she is no longer smiling and giggling with chocolate all over her lips,

the bubble breaks. There is no more green bubble.

Do you see how the green bubble works?

The green bubble represents a “special and unique world where things feel good”.
Here’s how it works: People (or animals) experience something “that feels good” and

shockingly at some point in the future, they find themselves craving that initial

experience.

It’s always funny when a guy asks: “How should you ask for a girl’s number?”

In other words, he is seeking advice on the right way to ask for her number – which

implies that if he succeeds at asking the right way then it doesn’t matter if she perceived

having conversation with him as being painful.

That’s like punching her in the face and then asking her if she would like you to do this

again (or more accurately, scheduling repeated sessions of facial punches).

This is a guy who believes that the green bubble is successfully created once you ask for

her phone number the right way.

It makes no sense at all.

Here’s an example of the opposite.

I want you to imagine a 3 year old kid walking up to a hot stove and touching it. Ouch!!!

He immediately starts crying because it felt bad (painful).

And as long as he remembers ‘stove is hot’ he will not touch it.

Pretty simple stuff, right?

So in cases of “pain” and “things that don’t feel good”, a red bubble surrounds the

person. And normally, there is a tendency to avoid “pain”.

Here’s the “huge” point.

“There are things that you can “say” (and/or “do”) to her that are guaranteed to make her

feel good”.

Just like as you can imagine:

There are things you can “say” (and/or “do”) that are guaranteed to make her feel bad.
There are topics you can talk about that are guaranteed to make her feel good.

Strategically, your game plan should involve things that are designed to make her feel

good.

We’re going to discuss some “cool stuff”.

But first your ability to make her feel good is based on:

– Your knowledge of what makes her feel good.

– Applying that knowledge

If that makes sense to you, then you will be one of the very few guys who will quickly

become magnetically irresistible in her eyes – in a way that she won’t be able to explain.
It is my job to make sure that you become that Master!

Let’s now look at 5 specific ways to make a women feel good.

The feeling that she is important

The feeling that she is unique

The feeling that she is supported

The feeling that she is admired

So for the right woman, taking her bowling creates a Super Green Bubble.

Early imprints of love/sex/addiction is very powerful.

There was a sex therapist who discovered that MOST fetishes are a result of early imprints. For example, there was this guy who had a “thing” for women dressed up in a school girl outfits.

The reason why that appealed to him was because when he first started to experience sexual urges the girls he saw all day were dressed that way.

It also explains why women dressed up (and pretending to be teachers) turns on so many guys.

Early sexual impressions.

You remember vividly your first sexual experience. But what about the 50th time you did it? The impact isn’t strong at all – unless it’s your most recent memory. But after awhile that will eventually get buried as new ‘recent experiences’ are formed. However, the earliest imprints are never ‘buried’ or erased.

If you want to have that special affect on her, then you will need to find out:

  • What she likes to do
  • Early fun moments
  • What she likes to talk about
  • How she likes to be treated
  • etc.(The list is a lot longer than that, but that gives you an idea.)

And by the way, when he are talking about what she likes (and responds to) we are referring to the deepest desire – which often includes things she is not aware of.

For example, if a woman tells her platonic friend, Peter, that she likes a man who gives her everything she wants and does everything she asks, but deep down inside she wants a real man who doesn’t do things on her terms. A guy who doesn’t comply with all of her wishes. Then the questions becomes: What does she really like?

The answer is always ‘what she responds to’.

And not knowing the difference is a big mistake.

So the ideal green bubble is an experience filled with you giving her things she really likes (i.e. bowling, a special little gift, a unique compliment that she’ll never forget, an experience with a man who does things on his own terms, an experience with a man that makes her laugh, an experience of being in the presence of a man who opens her up to a new world, etc.). Does this make sense?

This stage is very similar to the previous in the sense that the POWER is in the obvious. In the previous – in so many words – we said: “If you want to feel really amazing about yourself, then spend more time THINKING (and perceiving) yourself in that way (i.e. when you constantly read over your list).

Cool. Let’s move on homie…

But before we do. Let’s do a quick recap…

Stage 1 – You have to want to improve

Stage 2 – The right way to have confidence (the mindset)

Stage 3 – The right way to have confidence (the action plan)

Stage 4 –  Understanding Her Like No One Else (Unique + 99%)

If you followed the stages so far, you have a way of increasing your confidence fast (if you created a good list), and you understand her like no one else (if you created a 2-sided chart [99% + Unique]).
Let that sink in for a minute.
Here are two questions for you. (the answers are on the next page)

(1) How do you become the guy who knows more about her than any guy she has ever met.

(2) What would it mean (emotionally/psychologically) if a women became aware that you knew her more than any guy she has ever met?

(1) How do you become the guy who knows more about her than any guy she has ever met.

Answer: Find out more about her by asking questions and listening to her.

(2) What would it mean (emotionally/psychologically) if a women became aware that you knew her more than any guy she has ever met?

Answer: She would have a strong connection to you.

Of course, you would have to convert the connection into something meaningful. And in addition to that, ‘understanding her’ is only one dimension of a strong connection.

But for now it’s a powerful dimension and it’s often enough.

Think about it.

How difficult would it be to find out more about her than guy she has ever met?

And plus, how convenient is it that women like talking about themselves?

Here’s an example list:

Find out what life was like growing up.
Find out about her life in Elementary School.
Find out about her life in Middle School.

Find out about her life in High School.
Find out about her life in College (if she went / or is currently going).
Find out about her job history.
Find out about her most meaningful experiences.

Get her to tell you the stories of her life. And listen for clues that reveal Unique Stuff about her.
This short list of things is just scratching the surface. You would be doing better than most guys just by asking just these example questions. And this doesn’t even include any emotional core buttons! LOL.

Comments 4

  1. Cr, I have a situation with a girl friend who is very close to me. You see, I am in that traditional “friend zone” and I can’t seem to shake it. The thing is, I do know alot about my girl friend and she already has a strong emotional and mental connection to me. As a matter of fact she calls me every other day and gets upset when I don’t answer. She’s always calling my name and even sings to me. She always wants me to give her attention and really really likes my company. Plus we are the best of friends, but thats where it ends. I mentioned that I liked her about a year and a half ago but she turned me down. We’re still friends, but I want more than friendship. How can I change my current situation so that she will see me as boyfriend material and no longer a friend.

  2. Hi CR,

    Thanks for getting back with me, I really do appreciate it. I’ve spent some time thinking about what you said and can’t agree with you more, the building of self esteem with a woman seems like the correct course of action. When this girl told me she wanted a guy that was supportive, sensitive to her feelings, encouraging and non-controling I was all this and more. Last year I was very playful with her and in the course of being playful I became arrogant and made fun of her getting a new laptop for her birthday and this is what started us being more distant emotionally. The other guy as I have found was just her ex and was waiting patiently for me the rebound guy to screw up, and I clearly did that by not continuing to try and communicate with her over the summer. She had been upset with me in May and June of last year, mainly because there is such a thing to women as relationship rules and clearly talking to her friends that were less shy than she was is like emotional cheating which I until recently didn’t know existed, she did tell me that she was a jealous woman but I didn’t know that it was that bad an issue for her, she works as a bartender and talks to guys all the time. I didn’t have a problem with it, and she knew I had many female friends and talked to everyone being more extroverted than she. So here is my problem and I need your advice, I aparently sent her an email on the 3rd of March and in it I tried apparently to attach a story I was writing and somehow while on pain meds after surgery, copy and pasted a page in the body of the email, she responded with ” I don’t know what you are talking about, your words are full of hate, I never wanted to change, don’t be mad at me,I’m leaving soon and hope everything will be alright, goodbye have a good life.”
    Now I didn’t intentionally send her that and after getting over the 4 surgeries I had this month because of skin cancer, did so when I was taking 300MG of a codine based pain killer, I’m neither a drinker or drug user so these things affect me like a elementary school kid pounding a 12 pack. I have photos that clearly show all the scars I have and the doctors told me it will take a year to fully heal as they had to cut me all the way down to the fat layer. I was in a lot of pain this month and haven’t been behind my computer.

    I had the surgery the same day 2 emails were sent from my account. Now learning my lesson from last year I wanted to approach the situation with this girl differently. I did send her around Valentine’s day a CD on how to learn English as she needed some help and let her know I didn’t forget that I told her I would teach her, she responded very well to that and I admitted my arrogance from last year and took responsibility for my actions and made no excuses and she said I wish you wern’t so far away and I must tell you that I’m in a relationship now. Then I responded with, yes I know you are in a relationship and I’m ok with that. but where I screwed up was bringing up the past once again, and had let her know that when I talked to her friend last year I had asked about her and dhe got upset and said to me, what did she say and did she tell you she went crazy, I want to know. So I responded with all she said was that you were nice and quiet being that she is shy and worried about her image, she seemed to me to be a very conservative person. So I let it be, then I told her about the business I started and how I had to add all these women to my profile so I can teach them about men, and was doing quite well with that and had 10 dedicated clients, and told her that since I started doing this I had 12 requests for marriage and 3 requests for relationships and turned them all down due to my ethics policy, blah blah. She responded with more anger siting that she was in a relationship, and knew I had a lot of knowledge blah blah.

    That was February 28th. First thing I noticed was she was acting the same as last year before she told me she was [nervous + anxious = worried] I actually noctied and was paying attention this time. Previously after the second email I screwed up and should have asked her if she was doing ok, and made a concerted effort about her feelings and emotions but I didn’t, not that I don’t care I was just glad to talk to her. [ I have learned that asking a woman about how she is doing, is a form of empathy and emotional support. not a male trait] So with the last email I sent it’s been three weeks now and I want to apologize to her, without lowering my value. The experts say I should acknowledge fault, apologize sincerely, valadate her feelings by describing how she must feel about me using a few negative adjectives explain what happened, provide proof, and ask to be forgiven. The email I had prepard for her actually was asking [as I noticed that she was upset and worried about something] if she was alright, and what was wrong and was there anything I could do or say to make her feel better. I really feel like an ass for sending her that and don’t even remember doing it. I would really like to know if apologizing is right or should I ignore this since the timeframe of 3 weeks and just try to approach her, in a concerned fashion and pretend it didn’t happen, I’m sure it’s prety fresh in her mind as women tend to keep a mental scapbook of everything that happens to them in life. Please let me know what I should do here, I’m very perplexed on how to proceed as like I said before she is at times passive agressive and I’m not looking for a fight, although I will stay calm as I planned to do things differently this time around. Thank you for your quick reply and advice.

    James

  3. Post
    Author

    Based on what you’ve said, I wouldn’t think “being somewhere in the middle” would have any affect. In most cases, it’s the emotional intensity [extremes] layered on top on a specific perception/thought (i.e. “I hope he’s not mad at me. I shouldn’t have done that.”)

    That’s why it’s best to analyze what’s going on in terms of “your behavior/persona” (i.e. “I’m angry with you”) + her mindset (“I hope he’s not mad at me. I shouldn’t have done that.”)…which is not the same as:

    Your behavior (being “I’m angry with you” ) + Her perception (being “he’s over-reacting”)

    In both cases, your behavior is the same…which is the reason why she (and a lot of girls) don’t respond to lectures…her perception (mindset) of you and/or the situation is: “Why is he lecturing me?”, “Why is he saying the same thing over and over again”, “Ok I get it.”, “He’s not my dad.”, “When is he going to shut up.”, etc…

    I agree with the self-esteem boosting approach…especially because a woman (and people in general) allow people to treat them with the level of respect that matches how they feel about themselves…which is the reason why if you treat a quality woman with zero respect, she’s turned off….and vice versa (treating a woman who sees herself as being worthless will tend to push away and disrespect guys — or anyone — that treats her as if she’s more valuable than she sees herself…)

    So I don’t know if this new guy is more skilled than you or not, but if it’s a case where “he’s a dick + she’s feels worthless”, then improving her self-image (feels good about herself, has new standards, doesn’t put up with bullshit) is going to make her see him as “weak, insecure, low SV, undesirable”.

  4. CR,

    I did all this with a girl I know and was wondering how do I handle the whole passive aggressive thing with a girl. When I’m sweet she is very affectionate and when I know she is hiding something or lying about something and I hold her accountable, and raise my voice to her I get the truth and what I want to know. Is there somewhere in the middle I should be, to keep her honest and affectionate?
    This is hard to tell as she definitely doesn’t respond to lectures, but she responds to being treated special, like Daddy’s little girl and anger when she disappoints me. I used to give in to her when she would yell at me and then I would apologise but after a while I thought what the hell am I apologising for I didn’t do anything wrong. She’s quick with the blame and guilt trips, probably got that from her Mother.
    I’m not in a relationship with her at the moment but I do want to see her make something of her life, she got herself in a relationship with some guy and he basically walks all over her like a door mat. Clearly he has better techniques than I do for dealing with her. Shes one of those people that is clearly down on herself and let’s people take advantage of her till she gets tired then she lashes out at them. I wonder if I used a classic bootcamp technique of breaking her down then building her back up would that be more effective than push-pull techniques, I want to keep what value I have left with her, but at the moment I’m in the big brother, Father zone. Also what do you think if I just was consistent with the self esteem building this clearly would be a plus the better I make her feel the more likely she would view me as a source of pleasure, I think that would be a better road traveled, what do you think ?

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