Will his bizzare methods backfire?
You tell me.
There was a guy who emailed me recently about something bizarre that he does with his wife.
I got chills when he told me what he does with her!!
(I will say that it’s “original”)
The interesting thing is he actually asked me in so
many words:
“When I do [the thing that he does] will it make
her cheat?”
WHAT!!!
Here’s his email:
Hi James,
Yesterday evening I dived into your essay regarding the seduction of married women
[HowToSeduceMarriedWomen.com]
One question popped into my mind I would appreciate your opinion about it. You say “many women crave [something mentioned in the report ‘How To Seduce Married Women’]”.
Let me give you a little background: Me and my wife have been married for 8 years and are a loving couple with great sex life in general.
I married her after 7 year intense lover’s relationship (I was married at that time). We share erotic fantasies very often in the bed and elsewhere too. These are mostly wild things that we both enjoy and that enhance the pleasure of both of us.
Circumstances are such that we are apart for 4-5 weeks a year during the summer. During these periods we keep on teasing each other with the thought that she engages sex with friends or even strangers that I would not mind in case I can be sure that a/ she is able to handle the experience and preserve her dignity and b/ the guy does a perfect job on her so he deserves her. We do sex on phone and/or Internet occasionally playing with fantasies.
My #1 question is: When I am actually encouraging her to have sex with others (both men and/or women) do I increase or decrease the chance that it actually happens?
I am not a particularly jealous person and the thought excites me as much as it excites her. The only condition is that she is supposed to tell me everything to the deepest details.
Why I ask that question?
She has been faithful to me since we married I guess.
(What happened earlier, even a week earlier, that would deserve a book. I may contribute to your “good girl” testimonies later)
Before we left for this year’s vacation we visited our friends, a couple who are in fact younger than us. We had a great time together but all of us drank too much alcohol from which I always end up fast asleep where I am.
Same thing happened with the wife of my friend too.
When I got to my senses about 2 hours later, I saw my wife and my friend hugging wildly.
They continued drinking further and by that time they were drunk as a sailor. But unlike me they became more active dancing all night long with each other. The music was somewhat blood boiling too I admit. Peeping in a little later, tipsy like hell, I saw my wife giving a blow job to the guy in the bathroom.
The next day I asked my wife if she remembered what happened that night. She said yes first and asked why. I told her what I saw and she became disturbed, ashamed and embarrassed. She admitted or pretended that she did not remember a thing in addition to dancing.
Thank you for your unbiased opinion.
Regards
[Dave]
So you tell me. Do you think it’s a good idea for him to do what he did?
Email your responses at crjames100@gmail.com (and I’ll reply back to you ‘my
response’ to him – which contains a “powerful lesson” that you can use tonight)
Take care and enjoy your weekend.
Regards
CR James
Creator of: SuperSeductionPower.com
Jason Prugar | Reply
I am on the fence about this.
I personally would never do what he does but if he and his wife are comfortable with it and it wouldn’t damage their marriage then I don’t think it’ll drive her to cheat.
Jason Prugar
Instructor CR James | Reply
thanks jase.
i agree with you.. i would never do it…
here’s my response to him…
mfenzel | Reply
She was hammered and people fuck around when they’re drunk.
Not that it helps that he pretty much gave her permission. The reverse part of his reverse psychology didn’t work too well
Instructor CR James | Reply
thanks mfenzel… can’t really ignore the whole ‘hammered’ thing…
Craig | Reply
I did something similar to that. It was a mistake. I was having to travel out of country for months at a time and told her it seemed really exciting for me to see her take some sexy pics with another guy, provided it was just a photo shoot and nothing more. She ended up missing my intent completely and feeling like I didn’t care about her and ended up having a loose affair with a fat, bald guy she had dated in high school who was now married with 4 kids and a crazy wife of his own. It was a stupid affair by all accounts, but it was a stupid thing I did by sharing my wild fantasies with her and assuming she’d understand. Most women don’t fantasize as wildly as men, at least in my experience. While she’s very capable of being wild, it’s so elusive that even in a relaxed, approving atmosphere, it just never happens. If I’ve ever tried to encourage it, she’s gotten very stressed out and the anxiety turns her into a nightmare to be around. I really just have to leave it alone, because she’s been through things before she met me that have killed her ability to enjoy having any kind of sexually related fun outside the bedroom.
I hope that’s geared directly enough to your subject matter.
~Craig
Instructor CR James | Reply
thanks for the response.. she didn’t get it.. that’s why it’s important to understand how the woman processes information…
but it would be kind of cool if they “got it” immediately…
David | Reply
He went a little overboard with the freedom thing in that he encouraged the shame and guilt after the fact. It’s very particular how you go about “giving” your woman her sexual freedom. If he pre-framed it with “go ahead and find someone like me and enjoy your self and I’ll do the same” then she would be hard pressed to find another man that could handle this situation without extreme jealousy. Women make decision based upon emotion. If the emotions are strong enough she’ll act in the moment on what she feels most strongly about. Justification comes after the act. So anytime you lower a woman’s objections by putting her in a parasympathetic dominant state(rest and digest) her barrier to to having sex is almost completely removed.
Instructor CR James | Reply
thanks for the response dave…great analysis..PLUS the indirect “conditioning” of comfort, liquor and other things…
Adam | Reply
CR,
In his email, Dave states that he wouldn’t mind if his wife was with another person as long as she tells him everything that happened, yet he is concerned with whether or not he is encouraging this behavior.
I’m not sure if he is actually OK with this behavior, or just claiming that it doesn’t bother him to avoid seeming jealous to his wife. Unless he wants his wife having sex with other people this seems like a very bad idea.
If his goal was to get his wife turned on and/or more attracted to him, Dave should have spent his time getting his wife aroused with the thought of him and what they would do when they were together again, not what she could do with other people.
Adam
Instructor CR James | Reply
i’m with you on this adam… 100%
a lot of guys told me that they ‘get off’ on making their wives/GFs
think about having sex with other men…
i don’t get it. and i’m a big believer in doing things outside
of the box…
to me, it sends the message that you ‘secretly’ want it to happen.
Mike | Reply
CR — in the greater scheme of your philosophies, wouldn’t his actions serve to diminish his own Sexual Value with his wife, thereby amplifying some other person’s Sexual Value??
Seems to me he got what he deserved. . .
Instructor CR James | Reply
To answer your question (based on my current beliefs as of August 21, 2009 4:31 PM EST)
Yes.
anonymous | Reply
Seems like the guy is on dangerous ground
1) She might think he didn’t care about her – then he’s damaging his
relationship with her. (This happened to me in reverse – I was with a woman
who was crazy about me but married. She encouraged me to hook up with her
friend because it would take the pressure off her. I did, but it was her I
wanted and I felt quite hurt by her “permission.” I didn’t realize how much
it bothered me until after I acted on it.)
2) Forbidden love has more fuel than married love. How they’re married but
the one she hooks up with will be forbidden. What if she finds someone with
more excitement than married life can offer?
3) All relationships have boundaries/ground rules, etc. You don’t have to
be controlling and certainly not abusive, but you need to know what you want
and what you need. Freedom is good and healthy, but best if you know what
the limits are.
This goes both ways. What does she need from you, what do
you need from her. You’ll be better off if that’s clear and I have the
intuition it might not be in this circumstance.
(Please keep me anonymous)
Instructor CR James | Reply
not a problem. great answers.
“Forbidden love has more fuel than married love” – most guys don’t like to hear to that…
Nigel | Reply
I agree wholeheartedly with Mike, in that his sexual value will surely go down as the unknown has more value and in the heat of the moment with the friend she had his “blessing” so technically she wasn’t cheating..
No Illusions | Reply
MY answer is one I got from a Fortune Cookie the other night –
“Do not desire what you do not need.”
I might add – He who plays with fire is bound to get burned.
On the other hand, if that’s what he really wants, and what she really wants….
Instructor CR James | Reply
makes sense to me… never underestimate Fortune Cookie Wisdom
sandros | Reply
Hey CR . I saw the movie “summer of sam” and it shows near the end how after the couple had sex with other partners how it damaged their relationship. ITs weird , creepy and for the woman it may satisfy her physically but emotionally damages the relationship if its a LTR with a future. Its something in an argument or if she cheats on him and he finds out…that will always stay in his head and messed himself up.
Its out of my own comfort zone…Im now in a LTR after I had a rotation going and relationship is another ballbark and skill.
Unless she is a freaking nympho and he does porn and he is his pimp than its different but in my eyes…He loses his Value and Alpha traits….being what we call in spanish “un cornudo”
hit me back with your thoughts man…
peace,
sandros
Instructor CR James | Reply
thanks for the comments and ruining a movie i haven’t seen yet…lol
it’s all good…
thanks for the response sandros
Jeff | Reply
Can’t see how making it OK to desire other men makes him more attractive.
You have taught that we need to make them jealous to keep them motivated. He just said, you don’t need to work for me, because you have permission to have anyone. She has been doing this all along.
Instructor CR James | Reply
Jealousy when used the right way along with other things can be very effective…
When you place the value & excitement elsewhere (not on you) it becomes challenging to come up with a complimentary set of actions that would make it work in your favor…
Earl | Reply
Hi CR,
A wise man once told me even if your wife is bisexual you don’t encourage her to find satisfaction in someone outside of the marriage relationship since that may lead to the break up of the marriage. And many women aren’t bisexual anyway. But I believe there really are people who don’t get jealous but why take the risk of giving her those outside emotions if she is not at that non jealous level. The guilt one party experiences may ruin the marriage.
Instructor CR James | Reply
good point
Vince | Reply
Hi CR,
Poor Dave he was acting like a child whom never learnt what are the limits not to go over!
Yes I agree 100 % too, he decreased his sexual value to such a degree that her wish was to find someone better all the time. Ok she behaved socially but as soon as the alcohol lowered the censure here she goes… especially when her (stupid?) husband got asleep while she wants to enjoy the night!
Dave if you know you fall asleep when you are drunk: don’t get drunk to this point! Your wife will apreciate more you take care of her all night long…. and maybe bring her back home earlier!
I am afraid it’s too late and like the fat bald guy from Hi-school for Craig’s wife she acted no as he told yes and she will act yes as Dave tells no next time.
Now Dave will have to work hard on increasing his sexual value again, explain to her his mistakes, and drive her back emotionally to him. I am sure the full Cr’s book collection will be necessary!
Vince | Reply
Poor Dave he was acting like a child whom never learnt what are the limits not to go over!
Yes I agree 100 % too, he decreased his sexual value to such a degree that her wish was to find someone better all the time. Ok she behaved socially but as soon as the alcohol lowered the censure here she goes… especially when her (stupid?) husband got asleep while she wants to enjoy the night!
Dave if you know you fall asleep when you are drunk: don’t get drunk to this point! Your wife will appreciate more you take care of her all night long…. and maybe bring her back home earlier!
I am afraid it’s too late and like the fat bald guy from Hi-school for Craig’s wife she acted no as he told yes and she will act yes as Dave tells no next time.
Now Dave will have to work hard on increasing his sexual value again, explain to her his mistakes, and drive her back emotionally to him. I am sure the full Cr’s book collection will be necessary!
Vince
Gary | Reply
Somewhat similar thing happened to me, the girl I was with years ago, put the “full press on” by admitting me she had blown the guy she knew I detested. That was it for me, it definitely got my attention as she had intended. I moved on, and was fortunately content with a new woman I had just met. It is just a woman’s wicked way of letting you know that they are really just after-self preservation! I know it’s weird Darwin answer, but that’s my explanation.
Al | Reply
No, I think anything that takes the focus off of your own mutual relationship and focuses instead
on her relating to other men (no matter what the personal intent for you… fantasy or challenge or
intrigue) is playing with fire.
It will diminish what your relationship has currently progressed to and may harm it irreparably.
Al
Bert | Reply
What happened when his wife was dancing with his “friend” and the voyeur in him starting building up. Any one in there right mind had to know where it was leading. It was his wife, not a porno movie and if he was comfortable with his wife having sex outside of his marriage, why did he bring it up? If he got so turned on by seeing his wife, he should have joined in the fun or forever hold his piece. I also had an affair with hot sex(forbidden fruit). I was the married man and she came on to me. Day, night no bounds to our love making. How did I stop it? Getting married. The forbidden fruit is rotten. Now once in blue moon and only in the dark with her rules.
Still, if I saw her with someone else that would be it. I know she feels the same.(I hope)
He has to decide. Never bring it up again and live with it or just do not go down this dangerous path to destruction of his relationship.
Mark | Reply
Poor old Dave, he thought he could handle this but he can’t. He may have just awakened a sleeping giant sexually in his woman.
Notice that he said she was faithful, I guess….
Learn your lesson Dave
Jim | Reply
It was bound to happen sooner or later, his wife would decide to keep something to herself, whether he knew about it or not. His whole cavalier attitude about their somewhat “open” relationship was bound to make things complicated sooner or later. Doesn’t matter if it’s with friends or strangers, sooner or later you’re gonna get burned. I say he’s left the door wide open for her to freely fool around. Perhaps she felt guilty because it was more alcohol induced than clear headed decision making, but they say that alcohol merely removes inhibitions to what you’re really wanting to say or do. Maybe she was embarassed that he was younger, maybe because it was never planned. Either way, there’s more to it for her to want to cover it up, but he can’t be mad at her… he’s given her this freedom… it was bound to bite him in the ass.
Tom | Reply
Yeah I did something similar. It’s one thing to have an open relationship, it’s quite another to see your girl in the act.
Scott | Reply
The first problem comes when he asks about cheating. In an open relationship sex with others is not cheating it is part of the rules of the game. The fact that Dave sees this as cheating means he does not want it to really happen. Then when his wife did not admit to the acts of the night before it shows that she also doesn’t like the game Dave is playing but may have slept with others without telling him.
raj | Reply
What is your opinion C.R.?
mickel | Reply
My suggestion: Take this kind of issue really serious. If she nothing to you, then you can make a lot of joke like this, but if she is your girlfriend / wife, please owned her like you should, don’t give her to someone else.
If you read his email carefully, you know that he is insecure, jealous, and don’t know what he want, but he is playing the tough guy poker face.
Instructor CR James | Reply
Here’s what i told him:
Hello [Jim]
You are DRAMATICALLY INCREASING the chances that it will end up happening…
Not only do I know a few people who did that, and it ended up happening to them, but ANY TIME you engage a person’s mind’s (especially a woman’s mind) with a visual of an activity along with potential/implied excitement, you are making her crave it more on a level that she might not be aware of…
Of course, this doesn’t mean she will…
There is one problem with you comment: “The only condition is that she is supposed to tell me everything to the deepest details.”
People rarely follow it. In other words whenever an agreement like that is set. you have two people in the equation. the person who made the rule. And the person who agreed to it.
I would say that those comments will increase the likelihood. If her unconscious mind has been fed these visuals over and over again, then those repeated visuals are stored. Here’s why visualization is powerful & useful (& dangerous when misused)…
I was reading a book last book on this subject and the guy talked about a time when his son was about to attend school for the first time. So he took his son to the school before it had officially opened and had him look inside of the window. he said things like: “wow! that’s going to be your classroom. you’re going to have fun” and he did this for several days. and on the first day of school his son RAN into the classroom with a big smile on his face. while other kids were gripping their parents leg in terror.
They were thrown into a new situation and it was uncomfortable to them.
The good news is the unconscious mind does not know the difference between what’s real and fake. That’s why we uncontrollably cry during movies (even though we consciously know it’s not real)…
When you visualize something that you have never done before (over and over again) the brain is actually creating a PHYSICAL LINK between two neurons. It’s like jumping over a small creek every day and then one day you go to jump and you see a mini-bridge that it makes it “comfortable” for you to get to the other side…
When we do something over and over again, we get comfortable with it.
There are PHYSICAL changes taking place inside the brain.
That’s the reason why kid #1 ran into the classroom… because his brain did not register it as a new & uncomfortable experience… (he was comfortable with it)
according to “proven brain theory” (not “CR James” theory)… it is possible to condition a woman so that she is comfortable with cheating. in fact if i were to write a report on how to get a wife to cheat (who is exceptionally loyal) then I would teach guys to do EXACTLY what you did!!! (i.e. getting her to visualize cheating & telling her that I think it’s hot and that it turns me on) and pretty soon if they have succeeded, the wife will end up blowing some guy or screwing him or whatever.
And she’s not going to tell you – even if there is rule that says that she is suppose to…
I hope that helps [Jim] I appreciate you being someone who wants the “truth” instead of a fluffy “feel good” response…
Take care my friend and enjoy your day…
Warmly
CR James
Rick | Reply
No, I think anything that takes the focus off of your own mutual relationship and focuses instead on her relating to other men (no matter what the personal intent for you… fantasy or challenge or
intrigue) is playing with fire.
It will diminish what your relationship has currently progressed to and may harm it irreparably.
Larry | Reply
I think doing what he does encourages his wife to do it. Since she is sure it is ok with him.
And, that she was embarrased about it and didn’t want to tell him; it appears to me that she will cheat on him and not tell him about it. Which is contrary to what he expected in the first place, that she tells him about it to the details.
Thus, I dont think it is a good idea. I have a lover, we have sex with other couples, But I told her that she is never to have sex with anyone, man or woman, without me being there.
Kevin | Reply
I thought I was weird and nasty when it comes to sex, but this story blows me out of the water. He encouraged what she did unintentionally.
He might as well chalk it up as an experience and know what boundaries to cross next time.
Michael | Reply
I have a hard time identifying with this guy. In fact, I can’t.
I suppose, if it achieved whatever he is trying to achieve, he did the right thing.
I’ve always felt that the objective is not to have a relationship where either or both people screw around, but one in which neither one has any need or desire for a relationship with anyone else. So from my perspective, this guy has it all wrong.
Jason | Reply
Speaking from first-hand experience, his response with his wife will backfire.
My wife whined and cried to me for 8 months that she wished that she had sex with other men before she married me (she was a virgin). Finally I gave in and we agreed that this was a one weekend time to fulfill her fantasy.
I set it up over the internet. She proceeded to have a 10-month affair! When you have no sexual value, thinking you’ll gain some by letting her have sex with someone else is just plain dumb…
I would have been better off to get a frontal lobotomy than to let her put me through what she did…
Danny | Reply
Hi,
I do not believe that it was a good idea for him to put ideas about other people in his wife’s head. He should be putting ideas in her head about him and her.
Thanks
Danny.
Luigi Di Serio | Reply
Wow… no matter what, we all seem to be blaming the poor guy. Yeah it was a bad idea, however, for her to cheat on him (with his friend, when he is present and asleep), that is just a low as you get. Plus a blow job is even worst then if they had sex IMO… So yeah terrible idea, but he should still dump her ass for cheating.
Luigi Di Serio | Reply
lol CR James, I like your choice of words… Calling it the “bizarre” method. After we have all read and had time to digest the story, you can change now chance that to “F*#king moronic” method.
Thomas | Reply
Some people can handle an open relationship. Obviously Dave can’t, and now his wife also knows that he can’t.
Don’t open that door unless both you and your wife are prepared to face what is on the other side. When I was 28, I dated a woman who had multiple lovers (male and female). I hurt more than I was ready to admit to myself, and this decreased my sexual value in my own eyes.
I know other couples who have encouraged an open relationship, and it usually leads to someone getting hurt. Most often, one of the couple gets dumped by the other; sometimes its the third who loses out – ask Monica Lewinsky.
You really have to have either sky-high value to do this happily (Dave didn’t), or have low enough esteem that it doesn’t bother you either way. I’ve had chances with drunk, married women and always turned it down. My value is too high for that.
Lesson: If you ask you may well receive. Make sure you want it, and don’t expect to hear the juicy details that you’re not ready to hear.